Today, my boyfriend came over for a family brunch, during which he told my mother, in vivid detail, how he gets the shits whenever he eats kale chips. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I introduced my boyfriend to my family. It was going well until my 23 year-old sister started telling him in detail about her constipation, and that if she doesn't take a shit in a few days, it's going to come out of her mouth. FML
Today, my parents finally invited my boyfriend over for dinner. Everything was going great until my mother asked him his profession. He stuffed his mouth full of lasagna, snorted, and then responded, "I clean shit for a living." FML
Today, I met my boyfriend's parents for the first time over dinner. I had to use the bathroom part way through, and ended up taking the foulest dump of my life. I cracked open a window on my way out, but my boyfriend's dad went in soon after, quickly retching and booming, "What the fuck?!" FML
Today, my boyfriend told me I smell like vegetables. FML
Today, while at my boyfriend's house, my stomach began to hurt really badly, so I excused myself to take a shit. I let it all out. Later on, his dad went to the bathroom and yelled, "Goddamn son, what the hell did you do in here?!" FML
Today, my boyfriend fed me chocolate chip cookies with laxatives in them because he was concerned I did not poop enough. FML
Today, I went to meet my boyfriend's parents for the first time. While I was at their house I got a tummy ache, then had loud explosive diarrhea. Twice. They definitely heard it all. FML
Today, my boyfriend told me the sauce he made for our dinner that was meat-based, trying to show me how nice meat is and stop me being a weirdo vegan. The reason I’m vegan is because my digestive system can’t handle animal protein. I’m writing this from the bathroom, vomiting myself to death. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were having dinner with my family. He killed a bug and ate it. FML
Today, my boyfriend admitted that the only reason he remembers my eye color is because it's the same shade of his shit after he's had a salad. FML
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Top comments
Harshdfml 14
Next time you go to his mother's, tell her how much you love to make kale chips.
swampbaby985 30
Why would he even feel the need to share that?
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Comments (43)
swampbaby985 30
Why would he even feel the need to share that?
IOmnomHard 10
1-Because there's no shame in sharing details of your bowel movements!... Well, there's a little shame.
deBlobX 12
At least he's open to his feelings and physicality...
IOmnomHard 10
Queue the poop puns.
ladylilly25 20
I'll just get it out of the way: "Sounds like a shitty situation."
IOmnomHard 10
13- It's okay, judging by OP's username, it's all taken care of already. :D
dmoran20 27
Maybe he was just nervous and decided to just "run" with it.
IOmnomHard 10
My bad, 23. For some reason I get the two mixed up.
Zebediabolical 45
That takes a set of brassica balls!
Harshdfml 14
Next time you go to his mother's, tell her how much you love to make kale chips.
GuessWhatKids 13
He interrupts with "Have I told you how those give me the *****?"
ollie179 21
Sounds painful...
SmallBean 12
Sounds like a "op"
LolFMLnot 10
Maybe he was nervous , and he was trying to make a conversation. Perhaps he was trying to warn your mom not to ever offer him kale chips?
zandalee 20
I agree, doesn't sound like a very complicated guy...
DanielleinDC 34
Yeah, what's wrong with just saying simply that you have trouble digesting kale chips? One need not go into detail about it.
finnrambo 13
looks like we have a :lowers sunglasses: liquidation situation.
Catkam623 27
You stole perdix's sunglasses? You bastard, he can't make puns without them.
finnrambo 13
so thats where it came from! I got it from a biking site
ladylilly25 20
I sincerely hope he was eating kale chips at the time. That way he was just giving her a preview of later events.
Imhere4fml 24
There were probably some in the house and he saw it, therefore telling your mother before he eats some accidentally when your mother gives him some ? Now imagine that instead.
ctdawes 3
do you know what kale chips are? its just kale that's been cooked in the oven so it's gets a little crispy. it's not really something you just have laying around.. kale is a lettuce like vegetable, in case you didn't know