Today, my boyfriend drove 20 miles to come see me. The closest we got to intimacy was him showing me how he could unlock his iPhone 5s with his penis. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I woke up to the sight of my boyfriend playing a game on my iPhone with his penis. FML
Today, my boyfriend poked me on Facebook. I got excited because this is as close as he's come to touching me in weeks. FML
Today, I was riding in the car with my new boyfriend. He had "something serious" to tell me. He started to emotionally confess his addiction to masturbation. In detail. The drive was two hours long. FML
Today, I drove three and a half hours to surprise my long distance boyfriend for our anniversary. He was out of town. Where was he? Three and a half hours away trying to surprise me. FML
Today, my boyfriend broke up with me after I drove two hours to his house, because he wanted to do it face to face. Then told me that if I wanted, we could have sex one last time, but I would have to leave right after, otherwise it would be weird. FML
Today, my long-distance boyfriend announced he’s sleeping with someone else and he can’t take the distance anymore. I literally drive 12 hours to see him every weekend. I just took a week off to spend time up there with him. So basically he can’t go 5 regular days of the week without sex. FML
Today, the guy that I've recently became close to texted me, wanting to hook up. He's very cute and I was definitely interested, so I agreed. The drive to his house lasted longer than the actual sex. He lives less than five minutes away. FML
Today, my husband called me to the bedroom to show me something. This "something" was him demonstrating his seemingly well-trained ability to accurately type out a sentence on my phone using nothing but his erect penis. FML
Today, while on vacation with my boyfriend, I decided it would be a good time to try getting intimate with him for the first time. It turns out his penis is so small that I get more enjoyment from a tampon applicator. We're stuck in this cabin for another five days. FML
Today, my boyfriend broke up with me because he "couldn't handle the distance." He said he "couldn't commit to driving to see me long term." We live two hours apart, and I've driven to him every time; he never tried to come to me once. FML
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Top comments
graceinsheepwear 34
Dick move.
Nmaredia 4
At least you saw some action
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Comments (139)
sjonnie_fml 10
did he use the fingerprint recognition? if so that's awesome. if not.... fyl
Kayaytea 18
That's actually impressive...
tj4234 36
Well not really. How touch screens work is by using your body to complete the circuit. Basically when you touch the screen, a tiny amount of electricity passes through your finger. Not enough to give a shock, but enough to form a circuit. That's why they don't work (usually) with gloves on. Op's boyfriend's penis just completed the circuit. The swipe part is pretty easy.
sarneeley 14
20 miles isn't that far at all. Don't get how that is relevant.
stargirl_95 24
As strange as that is I'm going to have to say YDI. You could have made the first move. You could have given him a handjob or ******* when his dick came out. The fact that nothing happened is just as much your fault as it is his. And also, 20 miles is not far at all yet you mention it like he drove from the other side of the country
martin8337 36
He must had watched the penis puppeteer on you tube.
scice03 8
20 miles? That's like 30 minutes max. Chill!
jw833055 13
Next time he takes it out take some advise from the sugar hill gang and "jump on it"
jewfrolover12 2
20 miles woah somebody hold her hand cause that's SO long. Try 300 miles and other people with people overseas. Suck it up!!!
cookie1207 19
Thats an awesome move!!!! I just tried that
BDA_fml 5
Sounds like it was time to "take matters into your own hands"