Today, my boyfriend drove 20 miles to come see me. The closest we got to intimacy was him showing me how he could unlock his iPhone 5s with his penis. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I woke up to the sight of my boyfriend playing a game on my iPhone with his penis. FML
Today, my boyfriend poked me on Facebook. I got excited because this is as close as he's come to touching me in weeks. FML
Today, I was riding in the car with my new boyfriend. He had "something serious" to tell me. He started to emotionally confess his addiction to masturbation. In detail. The drive was two hours long. FML
Today, I drove three and a half hours to surprise my long distance boyfriend for our anniversary. He was out of town. Where was he? Three and a half hours away trying to surprise me. FML
Today, my boyfriend broke up with me after I drove two hours to his house, because he wanted to do it face to face. Then told me that if I wanted, we could have sex one last time, but I would have to leave right after, otherwise it would be weird. FML
Today, my long-distance boyfriend announced he’s sleeping with someone else and he can’t take the distance anymore. I literally drive 12 hours to see him every weekend. I just took a week off to spend time up there with him. So basically he can’t go 5 regular days of the week without sex. FML
Today, the guy that I've recently became close to texted me, wanting to hook up. He's very cute and I was definitely interested, so I agreed. The drive to his house lasted longer than the actual sex. He lives less than five minutes away. FML
Today, my husband called me to the bedroom to show me something. This "something" was him demonstrating his seemingly well-trained ability to accurately type out a sentence on my phone using nothing but his erect penis. FML
Today, while on vacation with my boyfriend, I decided it would be a good time to try getting intimate with him for the first time. It turns out his penis is so small that I get more enjoyment from a tampon applicator. We're stuck in this cabin for another five days. FML
Today, my boyfriend broke up with me because he "couldn't handle the distance." He said he "couldn't commit to driving to see me long term." We live two hours apart, and I've driven to him every time; he never tried to come to me once. FML
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Top comments
graceinsheepwear 34
Dick move.
Nmaredia 4
At least you saw some action
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Comments (139)
shine999 12
You've a very genius bf! Congrats!
hurryHM 10
i could have done better than that
EndOfSekrets 13
Am I the only one that thinks 20 miles is not that far?
DanielleinDC 34
Nope. And her boyfriend's an idiot for driving 20 miles to show how he can use his penis to work his iPhone. Had OP driven 20 miles to watch him do that, it would have sucked. That said, I don't get it. Did the boyfriend come over, show off his trick, and then leave? Why didn't OP initiate something?
Axel5238 29
I gonna guess that he so amazed by his trick that it killed enthusiasm at some point if she did try to he stopped to to show her the trick again. I know sometimes people say guys well take the initiative though I"m sure to some she should have made the move . I'm guessing that the OP was hoping for something that was a little romantic that showed some effort on the guys part? Not just driving out to wipe his dick on his phone.
Xotoolyxo 16
You should have told him to see if that would unlock you first
Red_Lego 10
Actually u can't unlock it like that I've tried
xSphinx 18
sounds like you have yourself a girlfriend
Thi3fstheme 9
Grab the phone. Put it in your "ohhh" and asks him he can unlock it now
gbrodee1 5
Allrighty then
reaperofsouls 9
20 miles isn't that far, try driving 255 miles for the girlfriend.
tehdarkness 21
Yep I drive over 300 like twice a month.
SgtAssCheeks 21
Also, I doubt it really takes alot of time to unlock his phone with his dick, although the mental image is quite disturbing...