Today, my boyfriend drove 20 miles to come see me. The closest we got to intimacy was him showing me how he could unlock his iPhone 5s with his penis. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I woke up to the sight of my boyfriend playing a game on my iPhone with his penis. FML
Today, my boyfriend poked me on Facebook. I got excited because this is as close as he's come to touching me in weeks. FML
Today, I was riding in the car with my new boyfriend. He had "something serious" to tell me. He started to emotionally confess his addiction to masturbation. In detail. The drive was two hours long. FML
Today, I drove three and a half hours to surprise my long distance boyfriend for our anniversary. He was out of town. Where was he? Three and a half hours away trying to surprise me. FML
Today, my boyfriend broke up with me after I drove two hours to his house, because he wanted to do it face to face. Then told me that if I wanted, we could have sex one last time, but I would have to leave right after, otherwise it would be weird. FML
Today, my long-distance boyfriend announced he’s sleeping with someone else and he can’t take the distance anymore. I literally drive 12 hours to see him every weekend. I just took a week off to spend time up there with him. So basically he can’t go 5 regular days of the week without sex. FML
Today, the guy that I've recently became close to texted me, wanting to hook up. He's very cute and I was definitely interested, so I agreed. The drive to his house lasted longer than the actual sex. He lives less than five minutes away. FML
Today, my husband called me to the bedroom to show me something. This "something" was him demonstrating his seemingly well-trained ability to accurately type out a sentence on my phone using nothing but his erect penis. FML
Today, while on vacation with my boyfriend, I decided it would be a good time to try getting intimate with him for the first time. It turns out his penis is so small that I get more enjoyment from a tampon applicator. We're stuck in this cabin for another five days. FML
Today, my boyfriend broke up with me because he "couldn't handle the distance." He said he "couldn't commit to driving to see me long term." We live two hours apart, and I've driven to him every time; he never tried to come to me once. FML
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Top comments
graceinsheepwear 34
Dick move.
Nmaredia 4
At least you saw some action
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Comments (139)
Nmaredia 4
At least you saw some action
Adeptasaurus 12
Instead of just seeing some action she should have jumped in and made a move. I'm sure he would be happy to oblige
BIGBOY4rmAHM 19
Sometimes, the girl needs to take initiative.
belljars 22
You should have been more assertive though
ElricMustang 23
It doesn't always have to be the guy to make the first move
jazzy_123 20
true. My bf lives 30 miles away and comes to see me at least once a week. There's no way I'm gonna waste precious time hoping he'll make the first move! Lol. Gotta go for it ladies.
Saintdyn 9
I'm a guy and can say that sometimes making the first move is harder because we're not sure if it's the right time or okay with the girl.
LilTiki559 13
One word. Head. Head can/may always leaves to sex in my book. No matter who's the giver. (Me or Her)
sweetestbitcheva 14
He's a keeper;)
borntoperform 14
With the touch sensor or nah?
princess_taylor 3
Yes, it was with the fingerscanner. Smh
mif_fml 27
He could use his penis to enter the unlock code..
graceinsheepwear 34
Dick move.
Animekid126 13
Stop it
glowbaby 15
Update to a different guy.
sunnyray812 42
Really??? He was just being funny.
SpunkyyyMonkeyy 10
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
This joke made me smile... It gets a like.
SaintJupiter 16
That's ****** hilarious.
juturnaamo 29
His penis was out and you didn't get any action? Maybe you should have made a move.
FlyingLeumer 19
If he had his dick out you should have capitalized!
kittycat69 5
Hahaha that's awesome he is a keeper
stryder9090 28
nothing wrong with it, but sounds like he's gay if he had it out and no 'action' ensued
iOceanus 18
With all due respect, sir, you're sounding like a douche.
rocker_chick23 27
Why do you think he's gay? This might be a shock to you #11, but even straight men don't feel like having sex sometimes.
stryder9090 28
lol I said nothing wrong with it! I'm just saying if she wanted to have sex why didn't he do so instead of playing with his phone
rocker_chick23 27
Again, some men aren't in the mood for sex sometimes. Just because he had it out doesn't mean he was in the mood.