Today, my boyfriend drove 20 miles to come see me. The closest we got to intimacy was him showing me how he could unlock his iPhone 5s with his penis. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I woke up to the sight of my boyfriend playing a game on my iPhone with his penis. FML
Today, my boyfriend poked me on Facebook. I got excited because this is as close as he's come to touching me in weeks. FML
Today, I was riding in the car with my new boyfriend. He had "something serious" to tell me. He started to emotionally confess his addiction to masturbation. In detail. The drive was two hours long. FML
Today, I drove three and a half hours to surprise my long distance boyfriend for our anniversary. He was out of town. Where was he? Three and a half hours away trying to surprise me. FML
Today, my boyfriend broke up with me after I drove two hours to his house, because he wanted to do it face to face. Then told me that if I wanted, we could have sex one last time, but I would have to leave right after, otherwise it would be weird. FML
Today, my long-distance boyfriend announced he’s sleeping with someone else and he can’t take the distance anymore. I literally drive 12 hours to see him every weekend. I just took a week off to spend time up there with him. So basically he can’t go 5 regular days of the week without sex. FML
Today, the guy that I've recently became close to texted me, wanting to hook up. He's very cute and I was definitely interested, so I agreed. The drive to his house lasted longer than the actual sex. He lives less than five minutes away. FML
Today, my husband called me to the bedroom to show me something. This "something" was him demonstrating his seemingly well-trained ability to accurately type out a sentence on my phone using nothing but his erect penis. FML
Today, while on vacation with my boyfriend, I decided it would be a good time to try getting intimate with him for the first time. It turns out his penis is so small that I get more enjoyment from a tampon applicator. We're stuck in this cabin for another five days. FML
Today, my boyfriend broke up with me because he "couldn't handle the distance." He said he "couldn't commit to driving to see me long term." We live two hours apart, and I've driven to him every time; he never tried to come to me once. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
graceinsheepwear 34
Dick move.
Nmaredia 4
At least you saw some action
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (139)
AlaskanG 27
As weird as that is, is 20 miles really that far for you?
mageepaigeee44 15
Yea I don't understand why OP felt the need to include that.. That's not that much
Unluckymeow 9
20 miles can be far to someone depending on what car they have. I have an old jeep that only gets 15 mpg, and gas where I live is now $4.03. So driving 20 miles there and then 20 miles back would probably make me cringe a little.
Shadowsofthedead 10
I didn't want to be the person to say it, but this was my first thought when I read the fml. I drive about 20 miles to and from school every day. But the whole no intimacy thing sucks.
The_Big_Boss 20
$11 makes you cringe?
martin998877 12
Gas where I live in the uk is 9.5 US $ per gallon. If it was $4 here I'd have a V8!!
valalvax 13
Yea I thought so too, then I thought maybe they live in a big city and 20 miles is like a 2 hour drive
wannabesinger 16
I drive double that just to get to work every day. I found that odd, too.
Stevieray20 13
My gf lives 25 miles away from me
Unluckymeow 9
#60, yes $11 makes me cringe because I'm a college student paying $30 a week for gas. I drive between 2 campuses and home. I don't usually have the luxury to drive somewhere I want to go to that's 20 miles away.
daminantion 14
You have a damned car.. If gas prices are scary to you, get out and buy a bus pass.
Pleonasm 36
So that's why they call it a Pin Code.
toxic_walrus 15
Oh boy. This is why touchscreens are a dangerous idea :P
toxic_walrus 15
Or I suppose the fingerprinting. Since you specified it was a 5s.
Raidriar 14
Yes. Touch ID and similar fingerprinting technology is highly dangerous because OP's boyfriend uses it for his dick. It should be illegal and all fingerprint-related technology immediately destroyed to protect society.
toxic_walrus 15
I was clearly just making a joke, I didn't mean they were legitimately dangerous. Chill.
adair112 15
that's awesome u should be so proud
blogan93 3
with fingerprint scanner?
pandalover69 26
Is 20 miles really so far for you that you had mention it? That's really nothing. I get why you're upset though, the penis thing is special.
igive 29
That's what I thought. I drive further than that to work. Perspective I guess.
Saintdyn 9
Some people just live in this bubble they never really need to leave... A lot of my family lives with 10 miles of each other and anything farther than that is like "soo far"
Goblin182 27
Did you show him your touchscreen, tell him he could unlock it the same way?
Federgirl 19
eww gross.
6dandaman5 8
Really ? Grow up
SMHsohard 22
It's a funny FML, no argument there, but the Nurse in me kept wondering, "Does he have Handi-Wipes in his pocket?"
worldclassrager 41
It's something right? Maybe next time things can pick up
Baucis 10
Get a tattoo of an iPhone around your Special place and get him to try and unlock it.
tj4234 36
No, that's too far. Just make a move next time op.
MidnaLink 35
That... just sounds painful.
RedPillSucks 33
Not a tatoo. Just shave her pubes into a silhouette of an iPhone.
ckyorelse 18
a box for her box?