Today, it's been three years since my sister gave me a kitten. Coincidentally, it’s also been three years since I've had sex. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I turned 35. Because I'm still single, my sister bought me a cat to help start my "inevitable collection." FML
Today, exactly two years to the date when I thought my dream had came true when my partner surprised me with a kitten. Except two weeks later we had to give him away because my partner was too anxious about the cat destroying any of his stuff. I'm still heartbroken. FML
Today, it's my anniversary. I've been a single cat-lady for exactly one year. FML
Today, I found out that my cat, that I've had for 3 years, is actually my neighbor's missing cat. FML
Today, my 20-year-old sister is taking care of my cat while I am out of state. She sent a photo of him "playing in a silly way" with her kitty. I then had to very seriously explain to her that in the photo, my cat and her cat were trying to make more cats. FML
Today, I bought my girlfriend a cat. I now have a cat and no girlfriend. FML
Today, my brother's new kitten decided to bring me a gift as a sign of love. It was my pet hamster. FML
Today, my sister came over for a visit. I was going to surprise her with the news that I had spontaneously gotten a cat. The first thing she told me when she came in was that she ran over my neighbor's cat. None of my neighbors have cats. FML
Today, my girlfriend of 3 months broke up with me via text and said she was keeping the cat. I've had the cat since for seven years since she was a kitten. FML
Today, my sister's kitten walked away from his litter box, jumped onto the table, looked me dead in the eyes, then peed directly onto my laptop. FML
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Top comments
jmilam90 9
What do these two things even have to do with one another?
Kurliez408 32
unless you smell like cat litter, I don't see how those two are connected.
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Comments (11)
jmilam90 9
What do these two things even have to do with one another?
Kurliez408 32
unless you smell like cat litter, I don't see how those two are connected.
jbuckets_404 39
So OP's stating that he doesn't like to have sex with cats, just other animals??? Edited to add: ;-)
ChibiChibi_fml 28
it would be the other way around because "it’s also been three years since I did not have sex" would imply they are having sex constantly not that they are having no sex at all.
jbuckets_404 39
So he USED to have sex with his sister?! But sex is sex; for some, it's what's called **********.
ChibiChibi_fml 28
I'm actually not sure why you are so insistent that it means the OP is either having sex with the cat or with the sister. I think it is more likely that the OP is female and is making a crazy cat lady reference. As in, she's been given one cat and now all the sudden she has no sex life and spends all her free time with a cat rather than people.
jbuckets_404 39
You just wrote above, "they are having sex constantly" - so who's "they?" There's only three possibilities listed in the text. And it's YOUR contention of constant sex, but now you state that there's NO sex. Aren't you contradicting yourself?!
ChibiChibi_fml 28
With whoever they pick up. If you have low standards you could likely pick up a random sexual partner a night with the occasion **** buddy thrown in.
ChibiChibi_fml 28
I feel like like the OP meant the opposite but "it's also been three years since I did not have sex" would imply that the the OP is having sex so regularly since getting the cat that in three years there hasn't been a day they've gone without having it. So did the cat up the OP's game that much or did the OP mean "coincidentally it's also been three years since I last had sex"?
jbuckets_404 39
Yea, no; I think that OP's referring to having not having had sex with a GF/ BF in 3 yrs. I don't think that a cat would enjoy being raped repeated (much less even once) esp. by a much-larger-than-cat-sized dick and would avoid/ fight off OP every time....
ChibiChibi_fml 28
Yeah, you're the only one taking it as the OP is having sex WITH the cat. My question was whether or not the cat has upped the OP's game in the same fashion that some people use their dogs to meet people. They don't use their dogs to have sex with them, they use the dog to draw in other human people which they than wind up having sex with. Also, nothing has indicated the OP has a BF/GF so they likely simply mean they aren't having sex with anyone, as in not even able to pick up a one night stand from the bar.
jbuckets_404 39
No, I'm not the only one. Richard Pencil commented as such below within an hour of my first comment. It's quite obvious that he's using the word "pussy" as double entendre (as he's posted likewise many times already). And yet you first stated, "OP is having sex regularly/ daily," so aren't you now contradicting yourself??? Also, you state, "regularly/ daily," so that implies more of either an NSA/ FWB/ GF, which is an-ongoing relationship, not one-night stands, which are by their nature randomly periodic - 'cuz nobody's that good of a pick-up artist. Yea, no; I highly doubt that anybody would be able to take his cat for a walk on-leash outside; it's against their general nature and bars/ restaurants typically don't allow pets for public health/ sanitary/ liability reasons, so IMO, most people would take your "upped the OP's game" as referring to his improved sexual prowess/ techniques in the bedtime, which would only occur if he's practicing as such on the feline. But I agree, this FML (just like our comments seemingly - lol) is written very ambiguously and it's also true, you can't trust that OP's a male solely by the indicated gender icon. I'm almost impressed by how well OP did that (presumably unintentionally). Lol!
ChibiChibi_fml 28
"Here's a picture of my cat, want to come to my house and meet her?" doesn't involve taking the cat for a walk. That said, I do know people who take their cats out on leashes.
RichardPencil 32
Since you did NOT have sex? I guess with reliable access to pussy...
SquirrelRulingtheWorld 8
Glad to see I’m not the only one who’s confused as hell.
shannon2348 14
Huh? I'm completely confused by this. what does a cat have to do with sex?
ThatOneLonelyAsian 31
Good thing you're enjoying the pussy your sister left you, shame you can't find one yourself
Jonkbaby 23
what ls going on, are you feeling resentment for the responsibility of caring for a pet?
wrenavery90 12
What does the kitten have to do with you not having sex???