Today, my boyfriend and I were spooning in bed, nude, when I accidentally farted. He freaked out and asked in all seriousness if I was trying to give his dick pink-eye. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my boyfriend and I were lying in bed together, and I was in a snuggly mood. I rolled over to gaze lovingly into his eyes and whisper sweet nothings to him in the darkness. His response? "Dear God! Did somebody fart in your mouth?!" FML
Today, I was cuddling my boyfriend before going to bed. He farted really loud and spat in my face as he laughed. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were trying to have intercourse for the first time. One minute into it, he got nervous and farted. What's worse is that his fart scared him, and he asked "What was that?" FML
Today, while being intimate with my future husband, I reached over to stroke his cheek. The light behind him cast a shadow over my chest, and it scared me so much, I screamed then I farted on him. FML
Today, I woke up to a disappointed boyfriend. He told me he spent an hour last night farting on my pillow to see if I would wake up with pink-eye. He's 23 years-old. FML
Today, I was having hot sex with my boyfriend. Then, I felt a puff of air hit my face and a rancid smell. My dog had farted in my face. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were play wrestling. I had pinned him down and was sitting on his chest when he suddenly squeezed my stomach, causing me to rip the loudest fart ever. He looked so shocked that I couldn't help but laugh. I laughed so hard that I accidentally peed on him as well. FML
Today, my boyfriend came over for the first time and we were alone. He was being super romantic and snuggling with me, and then out of nowhere he let out the biggest fart I've ever heard. He then explained how I should try to compete with it. FML
Today, while my boyfriend was asleep, I gave him a soft kiss and whispered how handsome and gentle he looked. His response, still asleep, was to roll over and let out a massive fart. FML
Today, I hung out with my boyfriend for the first time in two weeks. We were cuddling on the couch when he suddenly stands up. I thought he was going to hug me, but then he turned around, pinned my shoulders back so I couldn't move, and farted in my face. FML
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Top comments
nmcoy 6
Pink eye from the brown eye?
davincidasecond 24
Did you tell him it's "pink eye", not "pink dick"?
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Comments (90)
doodlebug33 20
Congrats. Your boyfriend is a dumbass
Lacist 19
Wait, wait, so you can't get pink-eye on your dick from farts? And women fart, what when?
DocBastard 40
What a dumbass! You can't get pinkeye from getting farting on! Herpes, yes. Pinkeye, no. Trust me, I'm a doctor.
brackaman 18
She'll give his one eyed snake pink eye. And it's only got one eye to begin with.
brackaman 18
By the way guys, pretty sure doc was being sarcastic here.
sadistmonkey 19
You're right 26, he is in fact saying that you CAN get pink eye from being farted on.
TheOnlyMizLiv 22
If someone farted directly in your eye, in the nude, isn't it technically POSSIBLE to get pink-eye or at least conjunctivitis of some sort from the bacteria?
SteveXD90 3
what would u rather have herpes or pink dick. id have pink dick.
brackaman 18
Guess I should've just left the comment to be figured out on its own. When I first saw it it was thumbed down into oblivion. Oh well.
Metallica36176 16
"Yes, I need you to phone me in some antibiotics and a shot of Penicillin....." "Did you contract Herpes?" "No......pink dick." *gasp*
TheOnlyMizLiv 22
The nurse probably wouldn't suggest herpes if you were asking for antibiotics. It's caused by a virus.
ballpython 15
Your comment reminded me of a youtube video I saw a while back where one guy sucked the fart from another guy with a straw. He vomited.
Misswildsides 22
^wtf. What kind of videos do you watch?!
ViviMage 40
Go to the pharmacy and ask for eye drops for his dick.
CobraLazerFace 21
It is called a One Eyed Snake. ;)
beclaurela 18
Why not make him go and have him feel stupid for saying that?
Rosebudx 32
Replace his pillow with a Biology book. Maybe he'll learn something through osmosis.
jedorr07 5
Protection is now officially required in all situations
cottoncandymango 17
Oh God... His dick has an eye?!?!
EpicSquishii 21
One-eyed monster, duh.
Ins0mau 20
Known as the One-Eyed Trouser Snake here in Australia.
mete_orito 34
All dicks have one eye. Haha
olpally 33
Wow, just tell him yes and perpetuate his idiocy and have a good laugh to yourself for a while. Might as well have a good time laughing at him. Haha.
daboar 5
his dick had eyes?
hunter81_fml 15
He's a keeper. ..
Dashelle 25
Tell him if he didn't have his head up his ass, this wouldn't be a problem.
asb818 14
With his head up his ass he now truly has to worry about giving himself pinkeye.