Today, my boyfriend and I ordered pizza and watched a movie. After dinner we started to make out. I began to take my clothes off when he stopped me. He said that sex is exercise and you can't exercise for 30 minutes after eating. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my boyfriend and I were watching a movie and eating a burger. Feeling frisky, I sat up and took off my shirt. He looked at my chest, at his burger, then back at me and said, "Give me a minute, I don't want my food to get cold." FML
Today, things were getting hot with my boyfriend and I started to breathe heavy and moan. He then says to me, "Babe, can you calm down, we're having sex not running a marathon." FML
Today, I told my long-distance boyfriend that I'd like to throw my legs over my head and have him cram his dick deep inside me. He told me to order a pizza, "It'd be more fun." FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were planning how to spend the day together. When I suggested we start off with some fun in bed, then get some pizza and play his favorite video game, he sighed, "Can't we just go straight to gaming?" FML
Today, I was eating pizza with my boyfriend and my friends. I was laughing and talking and went for another piece when my boyfriend grabbed my wrist and said that I had had enough. My friends all backed him up. FML
Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend when he stopped and got dressed. Naked and confused, I figured he’d be right back. Yeah, 20 minutes later with a plate of food for himself. So much for sex. It would've been nice if he told me though. FML
Today, while my boyfriend and I were having sex, he stopped, got off, walked into the kitchen grabbed a doughnut, and came back to finish while he ate it. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex. Immediately after we'd finished, he said, "Get off, you're making it hard to breathe on top of me." FML
Today, I tried to have sex with my boyfriend three times, but every time he insisted that he wasn't in the mood. I left to get food and when I came home he was masturbating. FML
Today, I tried to have sex with my boyfriend three times, but every time he insisted that he wasn't in the mood. I left to get food and when I came home, he was masturbating. FML
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Top comments
_streets_ 19
haha isn't that the rule for swimming or something
Raleigh_bruh 7
The real Fml here is that you two made out after eating pizza.. Not a very appetizing taste you want in your mouth mixed with someone else's saliva. :/
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Comments (166)
chiem 0
haha fyl
ChelseaXD 0
hahah..your boyfriend is lame.
Blue_Coconuts 7
I eat and swim all the time... Well whenever my girlfriend feels like skinny dipping anyway. Zing.
kellanlvr 1
haha he was just looking out for you xD didn't want you to cramp up or anything
ladiesman14 0
maybe he has GERD and doesnt want to mini vomit in your mouth. or burp on your pussy while going down on you.
yasmeenjonasx3 0
what a loser. i wouldve had sex while waiting for the pizza to be delivered.
zach55 0
that's the rules.
moofin123456 0
at least he's looking out for your health...hahaha. I bet he doesn't swim for an hour after eating :P
Shookitup 0
well it was probably amazing since you waited, let that pizza put extra cushion for the pushin XD
Massdebater 1
attention!! everyone stop what you are doing!! I have an important announcement!! testicles. that is all.
zach55 0
family guy reference FTW!
compliments 0
penis
doorfloor 0
pizza gives me gas
mebecatie 0
TMI
lilidiaz 0
He must not love you. Because sex withOUT LOVE it's just excercise......
WhooperFTW 0
It turns me on. Idk about you guys
the_flirtt 0
hah did he stretch too ?
Sockmonnser 0
I'm assuming the pizza was better then you are, OP?
MarkSeattle 0
lol. brush your teeth fatty.
Brittney_E 0
haha good one 60! family guy reference, ^-^
mak3_1t_ra1n 0
see op is just whiny. if she woulda went ahead n had sex she woulda wrote an fml bout cramps during sex.
sactownsfinest 0
he should of ask if you had room for a cockmeat sammich! haha
Izzy_babii 0
lol he ddnt want you to cramp up during an ****** >_<
th3b0ss 0
lmao.
okieraider71 4
What a pussy. A real man could f**k and eat pizza at the same time. Dump his ass.
roflinyourwaffle 0
a REAL man can **** a pizza and eat something else too.
kford23 0
atleast hes looking out for you. he could have said okay lets do it and you wouldve gotten a cramp.
xxhannahxx1204 2
in soviet russia pizza **** you :P
Straka 0
.......what guy rejects sex?
sexybitch92 0
Aww how cute ! lol he cares ! lol.
dickster 0
YDI *****.
comedychick 1
well..he's right now isn't he lol ;)
PizzaGuy11 0
i told me gene from the magical land of leprichauns to do that...
ahhhFYL 0
face it. he's trying to prolong the sex with you cuz you're horrible.
Carbonite 0
your boyfriend is a dumbass. fyl
mmayawn 0
he don't deserve u shit just gimme a call
Karnezar 2
Sex without love is just sex. Sex with love is marriage.
CptGap 0
oh no u had to wait 30 minutes to have sex oh no at least u get sex. I don't get no sex
mesera 0
...wow.
momentum 0
learn to take a hint.
cocobulla1 4
hahhahaahaha sux for op, but u gotta luv that boyfriends
22cute 17
So dance naked in front of him for 30 min, Op! He should change his mind.
GrammarNaziBoy 0
That's a sign... he doesn't want you, perhaps?
_streets_ 19
haha isn't that the rule for swimming or something
twinny_sc 13
Yea that's what I thought.
76killss 0
too bad he put u over pizza. ur bf is fat fail
samicna 4
hope you went swimming instead
strikeeagle 3
u should strike him, lol fyl
Raleigh_bruh 7
The real Fml here is that you two made out after eating pizza.. Not a very appetizing taste you want in your mouth mixed with someone else's saliva. :/
Chrisskiies 0
You haven't lived till you made out with someone after eating pizza Ra. Just sayin'. lol
too_dopee 0
eww!
Freeze_fml 17
The way you type is a turn off.
Timmo_fml 2
48 = win.
Raleigh_bruh 7
Nah, it's not a win. He forgot to put 'just saying.' But thank you for agreeing with me, one chick up there. ^ :]
mebecatie 0
lol yeah it is gross. that's y I also brush my teeth and take a mint before I go n e where near my boyfriend(:
3son_fail3 0
48 haha nice
Trollz4daLULZ 2
Your breath after eating isn't an issue as long as you both were eating the same thing. IE: if your makeout/fornication partner doesn't eat onions, then you shouldn't either. But if you both do, you won't notice it in each other's breath/saliva.
troubleinharlem 0
your username matches your typing. (:
troubleinharlem 0
which was directed at #43.
sweetdreams999 0
your boyfriend is calling you fat. see how long he can go without 'exercising' and he'll be the one writing the next fml. lol
abcman94 0
fat girls turn me on. as long as they're just a little chubby. and not huge. LOL
applessuckdick 0
Wow.....Shank him