Today, my boyfriend and I were watching a movie and eating a burger. Feeling frisky, I sat up and took off my shirt. He looked at my chest, at his burger, then back at me and said, "Give me a minute, I don't want my food to get cold." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, me and my boyfriend were fooling around on my bed when things started to get heated. I said to him, "Do what ever you want". He got up and said he'd be right back. I thought he went to get a condom. He came back with a sandwich. FML
Today, I was having sex with my fiancé when he stopped and said, "Boy, what I wouldn't give for a burger right now." FML
Today, my boyfriend and I ordered pizza and watched a movie. After dinner we started to make out. I began to take my clothes off when he stopped me. He said that sex is exercise and you can't exercise for 30 minutes after eating. FML
Today, I was with my boyfriend. He got up, shut the blinds and turned around to say, "I don't usually shut the blinds, but no one can see this." Assuming we were going to have sex, I took my pants off. He asked me what I was doing, then sat down to eat an entire tub of ice cream. FML
Today, I was in bed with my boyfriend, starting to get intimate with him, when one of his friends walked into the room, grabbed my leg, and pulled me onto the floor. His reason? He was hungry and wanted to go to McDonald's. FML
Today, I felt frisky, so I went over to my boyfriend's place, hoping to have some fun. I brought over a movie, and part-way through it, I started feeling him up. He responded by sighing, "That's really fucking annoying, babe. Cut it out, yeah?" FML
Today, during sex, my boyfriend stopped and asked if he could eat a sandwich while we do it. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were out to eat. The waiter came and asked what we wanted. My boyfriend said he wanted a cheeseburger and I told the waiter I'd have the same. My boyfriend looked at me and said, "Are you sure you don't want a salad?" FML
Today, my fiancé and I were cuddling on the couch watching TV when we started kissing. As I crawled onto his lap and started to unzip his pants, he said, "You're blocking the TV." FML
Today, I took a bath and dressed in a skimpy lingerie. I sat on the couch for an hour and a half before giving up and putting on my boyfriend's old t shirt. It was then that he decided to comment. On the t shirt I was wearing. FML
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Top comments
Wheredidgrungego 12
We're men. We don't waste food.
lolmigosh 15
Talk about a yummy burger!
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Comments (304)
lolmigosh 15
Talk about a yummy burger!
EatnBeef 7
Well, beef is more important.
Wheredidgrungego 12
1- well it's got lettuce, tomato, cheese and is cooked to perfection.
DooleyFTW 17
I'm sure he just wanted more energy for the lovin' that explains it!
Discombobulated9 12
Maybe it's just me, but I tend not to jump on my bloke whilst he's eating. I certainly wouldn't like it if he did that to me when I have food in my mouth and hand.
mfjkr 10
Is that from kahuna burger?
tkdgold03 5
dinner and a show... ur so nice..
lolmigosh 15
I especially love burgers from Wendy's they are so good!
shanemaximo 7
****.... Burger.... ****.... Burger.... I choose... I choose.... BOTH!!!! Om nom nom.
ThisIsMyReign 4
That's not fair making a man decide between food and sex. But I choose both also.
lolmigosh 15
Aight you guys are cool.
Fiskerz 0
It's hot you're not?
LiyIa_fml 8
I'd choose the food first.
LilDarkAngel9014 2
Foods not so good cold. I'm in his side in this one. Sorry. You should know, a way to a mans heart it through his stomach. Next time wait til he's done. Or do it before than get food.
gojira666 7
Man card revoked. **** over burgers every time.
lebronesque73091 12
+50 points for taking your shirt off.
diidiimi 10
29 - I agree, but would you believe that he does it to me?! And it's really, really annoying. It shouldn't be "never get between a man and his food", it should be "never get between a hungry person and their food". We get primal over stuff like that!
Nxty 2
Guys, look at your burger. Now look at your lady, now back to your burger! :D
zakkyzebra 11
123 obviously doesn't know man code.
laden_swallow09 35
161 - I thumbed down your comment by mistake. Sorry! :(
elephantom12 9
I'm guessing OP was thinking "what's your beef!?" heh heh heh.
Jonkbaby 23
is your bf's name Ron Swanson?
chilldude69 8
Haha I see what you did there... Old Spice FTW
Wheredidgrungego 12
We're men. We don't waste food.
DjeePee 25
Heey, quit the sexism. I bet the majority of women also like their hot food being hot. Burgers do not deserve to be wasted :(
aceman1992 9
He obviously was trying to take in more calories, so he had energy to preform better for you. You should thank him.
Exeggcute 5
I have tasted a cold burger before????? Terrible he was smart.
I_AmTheStig 0
Mans gotta eat when a mans gotta eat. Don't wanna waste that precious food. Although I don't have to eat.
Pentium_4 27
burgers are just that good...
chaoticxxxmess 3
You don't get between a man and his food.
solid2dew 6
Hey man good call...the boobs will be there after the cheeseburger is gone hahaha
toooldforthis 19
He obviously wants to spend time w/ you, more than enough time for his food to get cold
takpaan 6
Especially burgers!!!
shezie_lol 0
U kno i agree
2oc 5
Especially bacon.
flyskya 1
**** yeah!!!
AssassinsCRB 0
I believe its sexist and dont get so easily offended and for this matter you shouldnt be offended at all
Kc1001 14
Bull Shit! Whenever my ex took off her cloths I dropped everything. Of course we broke up since then.
steadycreepin 5
A man gots to eat
moop256 10
Yeah how will have energy to have sex otherwise
Pelreskovich 11
Yeah! How will have sex otherwise!?
GoW_Chick 15
^ I think it's funny how they both forgot the "we" in their comments..
cablooey 0
25 is trollin, or coincidentally made a mistake.
GoW_Chick 15
Either way I got a chuckle out of both their comments, thumbs up for you both! :)
karmachameeleon 13
I have to say, I really hate when my food goes cold, and burgers aren't very good to warm up
Pelreskovich 11
Seems reasonable.. For most men food > woman, as sad as that is.
iliketurdles 7
Yeah lucky for us turtles it's; Women > Food. That's why we be pimpin'
Pentium_4 27
haha yeah. this FML is hilarious but OP shouldn't take it personally. *makes burger*
KeyboardWarrior 10
Well considering you need food to live, that seems reasonable.
Pelreskovich 11
98: Of course, but my point is in regards to an average man in a relationship who can satisfy his hunger after satisfying his woman.
BostonBruinsFan 8
Actually, he might not have wanted to get food all over her while going down... ...so he was thinking of her.
Rocky007 15
And beer>food.
JayBear14 11
My boyfriend begs to differ loll
Pelreskovich 11
Get some JayBear.
Pentium_4 27
132, YES!!!!
cynically 19
Food > pretty much anything, for me.
Schizomaniac 24
Did he use that comma splice?
PeypeyTheBeeotch 1
She correctly used the comma, your argument is invalid.
phelipe1 1
Schizomatic's argument is correct ad very much valid. Read a book :)
OriginalimoaN 15
How is it an argument?? It was a (funny) question about her use of one. You thumb-downers need to not follow people who "correct" the grammar of others.
Sielune 8
119 - "(You) Give me a minute" is a complete sentence, "I don't want my food to get cold" is also a complete sentence. That is indeed a comma splice. P.S. Did you like the comma splice in my comment?
OriginalimoaN 15
I actually did not due to the fact that it was an incorrect usage of the comma. A for effort though:)
PeypeyTheBeeotch 1
For your information, I am a 4.0 student and read many books.
fishfingers 5
I would have definitely waited until after burgers. Food is important
Yodaevil 4
He's doing it wrong. With a girl like that, she should be what you're eating! No burger is more important than boobs! Lol Also its easier to warm a burger after its cooled down compared to a woman...
CaptainPickles72 18
#6- I agree, this man has his priorities straight! #56- But burgers from a restaurant usually don't taste as good if you re-heat them! Plus, if you're having trouble "warming up" a girl, you're doing it wrong. Or you know, you could mix the 2 things you want... eating a burger while having sex! She might not mind. Actually that sounds pretty awesome, time to go to Wendy's and then Wal-Mart afterwards!! (that's where you pick up the classy women)
Callyn 47
Are you kidding #56? Burgers are impossible to heat up without taking them apart and making a giant mess. The girlfriend should have been able to wait for five minutes until he was done eating.
dumboears 8
62- That reminds me of the Seinfeld episode where George takes food to bed.
Awsumuzzie 12
69, more like 3 seconds... Men inhale the food anyway. She was being spoiled.
regsworld11 2
Men do love food!(;
pinkcrayola 0
So do women!
regsworld11 2
Yes, I know I do!(:
Jenchixo 1
Im a girl , I wouldn't **** a guy either when I am eating , yea right , baby boy better wait . FOD ( food over dicks ) #fatass status .
DocBastard 40
What the **** did I just read?
GoW_Chick 15
I don't know... I think we crossed over to an alternate dumbass dimension.
FirstTigerHobbes 13
9- this is not twitter for **** sakes! #itlooksstupidandnoonecares
copo37 7
I'm sorry but by your looks and comment I'm actually surprised you wouldn't just pull a double whammy and eat him. By the way, FOD is pointless. We have way to many abbreviations as it is. Don't add to the clusterfuck. Ktnxbye
RedPillSucks 33
And I was just going to use the ADD (Alternate Dumbass Dimension) to add to the list. Gow_Chick will have to copyright that.
Pentium_4 27
GoW_Chick...i've always been curious, are you a fan of God of War and that's what the GoW stands for? maybe that's just me being a nerd but i've always wondered
mrbobmarley4 8
You are freaking hilarious DocBastard.
IdfkMyUsernamexC 5
9 Does not make sense. Does that head of yours have a brain? Or did someone drop you when you were a baby? I'll never get those few seconds of my life back. Thanks, assface.
jonriise18 3
55 - too many* 92 - I always thought it was gears of war
duckie227 22
16 year olds should not be '*******' guys anyway!! Be a kid FFS!!
justin0562 2
Just do us a favor and stfu
Pentium_4 27
112, good point!!
MegaTroller_fml 5
Some type of bizarre language.
Namerkp2 8
Translation: I am a woman, I would not partake in intercourse with a man while simultaneously consuming my food either, as if, that young man better be patient! COP (Consumables Over Penises) #ThisIsOnlyMeantForTwitter.
WoshJinchell93 11
Hey guys....... Boogha.
obamathellama 0
I want to post something that gets a quirky response from DocBastard......
ifailplzinsultme 0
I was about to rant on this girl, but you guys already did it for me....
skittihorse 8
I thought he was gonna say that the burger was bigger than your boobs.
MeLuvBewbs 7
Guess he likes bread buns over the real ones
ClassyCommando 13
^ Appropriate username ftw!!
KiddNYC1O 22
And you already have a few rolls, Snooki.