Today, my boyfriend and I ordered pizza and watched a movie. After dinner we started to make out. I began to take my clothes off when he stopped me. He said that sex is exercise and you can't exercise for 30 minutes after eating. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my boyfriend and I were watching a movie and eating a burger. Feeling frisky, I sat up and took off my shirt. He looked at my chest, at his burger, then back at me and said, "Give me a minute, I don't want my food to get cold." FML
Today, things were getting hot with my boyfriend and I started to breathe heavy and moan. He then says to me, "Babe, can you calm down, we're having sex not running a marathon." FML
Today, I told my long-distance boyfriend that I'd like to throw my legs over my head and have him cram his dick deep inside me. He told me to order a pizza, "It'd be more fun." FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were planning how to spend the day together. When I suggested we start off with some fun in bed, then get some pizza and play his favorite video game, he sighed, "Can't we just go straight to gaming?" FML
Today, I was eating pizza with my boyfriend and my friends. I was laughing and talking and went for another piece when my boyfriend grabbed my wrist and said that I had had enough. My friends all backed him up. FML
Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend when he stopped and got dressed. Naked and confused, I figured he’d be right back. Yeah, 20 minutes later with a plate of food for himself. So much for sex. It would've been nice if he told me though. FML
Today, while my boyfriend and I were having sex, he stopped, got off, walked into the kitchen grabbed a doughnut, and came back to finish while he ate it. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex. Immediately after we'd finished, he said, "Get off, you're making it hard to breathe on top of me." FML
Today, I tried to have sex with my boyfriend three times, but every time he insisted that he wasn't in the mood. I left to get food and when I came home he was masturbating. FML
Today, I tried to have sex with my boyfriend three times, but every time he insisted that he wasn't in the mood. I left to get food and when I came home, he was masturbating. FML
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Top comments
_streets_ 19
haha isn't that the rule for swimming or something
Raleigh_bruh 7
The real Fml here is that you two made out after eating pizza.. Not a very appetizing taste you want in your mouth mixed with someone else's saliva. :/
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Comments (166)
perdix 31
He's right! What if your vajayjay cramped up right in mid-screw? You could crush his penis! And why were you eating pizza with your clothes on?
ellelove1 0
dump the guy - he's gay
churchitup 0
That's ducking lame! lol. Seriously though, maybe he was really full and just wanted to wait a bit. Calm down horndog. lol.
fishycanswim 0
Well do you enjoy stomach cramps?
treyclash 0
I have actually said that to my ex before lol!
HappyPickles 11
And she is now your ex... lol
HappyPickles 11
Wow! New definition of anal retentive. After you've dumped him text him the Wikipedia link to "foreplay"
pfunk129 1
your BF is a complete ****
DorkyBlake 0
lmao. funniest shit ever.
deidre823 7
hahaha what a dumbass...
tbonea1990 0
he is a dumb ass and u still should have given him head