Today, my boyfriend and I ordered pizza and watched a movie. After dinner we started to make out. I began to take my clothes off when he stopped me. He said that sex is exercise and you can't exercise for 30 minutes after eating. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my boyfriend and I were watching a movie and eating a burger. Feeling frisky, I sat up and took off my shirt. He looked at my chest, at his burger, then back at me and said, "Give me a minute, I don't want my food to get cold." FML
Today, things were getting hot with my boyfriend and I started to breathe heavy and moan. He then says to me, "Babe, can you calm down, we're having sex not running a marathon." FML
Today, I told my long-distance boyfriend that I'd like to throw my legs over my head and have him cram his dick deep inside me. He told me to order a pizza, "It'd be more fun." FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were planning how to spend the day together. When I suggested we start off with some fun in bed, then get some pizza and play his favorite video game, he sighed, "Can't we just go straight to gaming?" FML
Today, I was eating pizza with my boyfriend and my friends. I was laughing and talking and went for another piece when my boyfriend grabbed my wrist and said that I had had enough. My friends all backed him up. FML
Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend when he stopped and got dressed. Naked and confused, I figured he’d be right back. Yeah, 20 minutes later with a plate of food for himself. So much for sex. It would've been nice if he told me though. FML
Today, while my boyfriend and I were having sex, he stopped, got off, walked into the kitchen grabbed a doughnut, and came back to finish while he ate it. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex. Immediately after we'd finished, he said, "Get off, you're making it hard to breathe on top of me." FML
Today, I tried to have sex with my boyfriend three times, but every time he insisted that he wasn't in the mood. I left to get food and when I came home he was masturbating. FML
Today, I tried to have sex with my boyfriend three times, but every time he insisted that he wasn't in the mood. I left to get food and when I came home, he was masturbating. FML
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Top comments
_streets_ 19
haha isn't that the rule for swimming or something
Raleigh_bruh 7
The real Fml here is that you two made out after eating pizza.. Not a very appetizing taste you want in your mouth mixed with someone else's saliva. :/
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Comments (166)
shadyecko 0
Bahahahaha ydi for attempting to fornicate ydi for eating pizza ydi for wearing clothes ydi for having a boyfriend
twinny_sc 13
You suck at using spaces.
lickmyjock 0
Oh yeah? I put the "O" in fornicate.
roflinyourwaffle 0
i put the "cat" in fornicate. wait...what?
drakeforever 0
o wow the op doesn't know when it's the right time to do u know what(;
ninba20 0
lol nice way to tell u he doesn't want sex...at lease 0.o
christyxoxo 8
fyl op.
worms85 0
that is an old wives tale. just like sitting too close to the tv, yadda yadda. maybe u need to figure out why he REALLY didn't wanna have sex...
polopony 0
Agree. Like the one about masturbation will make you go blind. Hey, why is it getting dark in here? Oh shit...
mnemonicdaze 0
Op should tell her boyfriend that after eating all those carbs a great cardio work out is really needed.
mrniceguykt 0
mhmm good excuse not to have sex if you ever stuck and a sticky situation...." oh gosh darn it, we just ate food... guess we can't have sex for 30minutes.... *runs away*" lol
TropicalTulipz 0
dam ur boyfriend really must not want you....my bf is up for it anytime..
darko212 0
Your boyfriend just used that excuse as a cover up to conceal his homosexuality.
zoe7day 0
I think that's cute... And that shows he's concerned about your health! Why does everybody keep on saying that the boyfriend is gay? He may just be over-protective :)