Today, my boyfriend and I decided it was time to lose our virginity. After our clothes were removed, we spent 30 minutes trying to figure out how to actually have sex, and eventually gave up. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my boyfriend and I were going to have sex for the first time. He didn't know how to take off my bra and insisted that he'd figure it out on his own. He gave up a couple of seconds later and played video games instead. FML
Today, I was messing with my boyfriend in my basement. We are both virgins and he wanted to perform oral sex on me for the first time. Naked, we finally decided to try to have sex. We discovered the act is much harder than it may seem. We're both still virgins. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I tried to have sex. Foreplay was amazing, but as soon as he started to get it in, he lost his erection because he was too nervous. He's a 30-year-old virgin and this has happened at least 10 times. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were trying to have sex for the first time. Not only did he struggle for five minutes to put on a condom (repeatedly snapping himself in the balls), but he then had to ask me "which hole" to put it in. I'm dating a thirty-four year old virgin. FML
Today, I decided it was time to lose my virginity to my boyfriend. After about ten minutes he started going faster and his stomach was slapping against mine. It was making a weird sound so I started laughing. Apparently that wasn't sexy and he went soft. My first time and we didn't even finish. FML
Today, after waiting to losing our virginity together, we finally did it, only for my boyfriend to claim he doesn't understand how people enjoy sex, since he found the waiting stressful, the sex awkward and undignified, the orgasm unimpressive and so sticky, he was desperate for a shower afterwards. FML
Today, I tried to lose my virginity to my boyfriend of a year. We're almost twenty. In the end, we both chickened out and played Pokémon instead. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I tried to have sex for the first time. Everything was going well, until he tried to put it in. A few minutes later, he said, "It's not hard enough." We tried for another half hour to fix that. We ended up eating ice cream. FML
Today, after making out with my boyfriend for the first time, it took me an hour to convince him he was still a virgin. FML
Today, I finally lost my virginity to my boyfriend. It hurt like hell, was over in less than a minute, and he tried to reuse the condom for a second round. FML
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Top comments
Miss_Michaela 10
'Please insert Appendage P into Hole V'.
suitgirl5 5
If you don't know how to have sex or have an understanding of how it works at all you are too young to be doing it.
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Comments (437)
DocBastard 40
OP, don't listen to all these assholes who are saying you're too young or you're idiots or you should know by now. They aren't helping you - but I will, because I'm a nice guy. When you want to have sex, you both spin around 14 times, and he then puts his left 4th finger in your belly button. You put your right foot on his left thigh, chant "Wakamaka wakamaka" until you feel lightheaded and BOOM! that's how sex is done. You're welcome.
The_Hitdude 12
I'm Herp McDerpington, and I approve this message. Now back to your regularly scheduled program, "Teen Moms"...
Llamacod 11
Ohhh, its wakamaka. That's what I've been doing wrong. I've been saying wanaminga and we couldn't figure out what we've been doing wrong. Thank you doc for clearing that up for us
EG14_fml 8
I was gonna thumbs up this comment but right now the number is 69 and I dont wanna change that...
Birdie_Sage 0
^ same! Wakamaka? LOL
rubberduckie94 13
Finally a doctor came along with the details. Now run along op and try again.
BostonBruinsFan 8
328=WIN (I had to do it)
failmaster069 7
BEST. COMMENT. ON. HERE. i lost it lol
MaryAnne19 5
Ya. Thats not sex. Thats some freak ritual from family guy
perfectheart735 0
no. *******. Duh. Ever heard of joking around?
andrewsgirl2010 7
If you honestly wasted 30 minutes tryin to figure out how to have sex, dont try it again. Your obviously to young to know what your getting into
shroomboy 4
*you're
kerr888 0
Says the person getting ready to get it in on his profile picture
andrewsgirl2010 7
Thats my wedding photo thanks.
DjeePee 25
Wow, everyone here is so harsh on the OP. Seems like 90% of the FML'ers were immediately sexperts. I know that when I was about to lost my virginity, we spent 5 minutes (felt like an eternity) trying to put it in. Yeah, he had an erection. Yeah, I was wet. Yeah, it was the right hole. But it still went difficult and no, we were not too young. This being said, 30 minutes is way too long. So, OP, may I suggest some foreplay? If he can insert a finger, it should also work with a penis. Just try to let it be spontaneous.
Ameel_fml 19
Same here. I knew all about sexed when I lost my virginity, but it still took my boyfriend and I a couple of times to "insert tab A into slot B" so to speak. We kept lining up our bodies wrong, and getting into odd positions, and his penis would miss the hole completely. It was a silly mess, but at least we had fun figuring it all out! Hell, even years later I still make mistakes in the bed sometimes. I still have bad sex sometimes. It happens. No biggie. Just try again another time. :)
illmatic2 16
TMI
xgetxbentx 13
Okay, see here's the difference, you guys weren't trying to figure out how, you were trying to get it inside. You knew what to do. Even after losing your virginity it can take a few minutes to get it going, especially if the girl is tight. Taking a few minutes to line it all up, and to attempt to gently break a hymen, is completely normal. Taking a half hour to try and even figure out how, is not. Obviously they weren't educated enough on how sex works to be doing it, because even without foreplay, when you know what you're doing and what goes where, your body is able to just kind of naturally align itself with your partner's body and get into position. You don't have to be a "sexpert" to know how to lose your virginity.
JadeWalker 14
About to *loose* my virginity. Not lost.
fsamslife92 8
552 - Lose* not loose.
perdix 31
The human race just breathed a sigh of relief.
rlet 1
Thats why you don't plan, it just happens....
muffinXmonster 12
You guys must have missed the orientation video
thisbitchlys 0
ive known how to have sex since i was little...
morganmorgan 0
You want a cookie..?
studdmuffin1990 7
^ LOL
coried91 28
No one really cares.
Leftoverjello 6
Get in the van, I've got candy.
Fkeeler97 0
#50..... Your name is (thisbitchlys) and you think I believe you? I mean come on.....
aleishaa_jadee 13
Not so sure that's something to be proud of..
maackenzie 9
Well it's not too hard to figure out what goes where.
kerr888 0
Well arent you just a smart little cookie?
TurdFurgeson04 3
If you don't know how to have sex, then you're definitely too young for it. It's not hard to understand. Smh
MargieDrury 1
Sex can come into different categories.
mikeymayhem_87 15
In their case, the "no sex" category seems fitting
MargieDrury 1
^mhm! At the most oral sex if they want to accomplish something in the lines of sex.
ladylilly25 20
Ah, either the OP is copying the previous FML about being unable to figure out sex, or the children of the world are becoming incredibly dumb. I sincerely hope it's the former.