Today, my boyfriend and I decided it was time to lose our virginity. After our clothes were removed, we spent 30 minutes trying to figure out how to actually have sex, and eventually gave up. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Same thing different taste
ADHD brain
Today, my boyfriend and I were going to have sex for the first time. He didn't know how to take off my bra and insisted that he'd figure it out on his own. He gave up a couple of seconds later and played video games instead. FML
Noobs
Today, I was messing with my boyfriend in my basement. We are both virgins and he wanted to perform oral sex on me for the first time. Naked, we finally decided to try to have sex. We discovered the act is much harder than it may seem. We're both still virgins. FML
Running gag
Today, my boyfriend and I tried to have sex. Foreplay was amazing, but as soon as he started to get it in, he lost his erection because he was too nervous. He's a 30-year-old virgin and this has happened at least 10 times. FML
Lost
Today, my boyfriend and I were trying to have sex for the first time. Not only did he struggle for five minutes to put on a condom (repeatedly snapping himself in the balls), but he then had to ask me "which hole" to put it in. I'm dating a thirty-four year old virgin. FML
Giggle loop
Today, I decided it was time to lose my virginity to my boyfriend. After about ten minutes he started going faster and his stomach was slapping against mine. It was making a weird sound so I started laughing. Apparently that wasn't sexy and he went soft. My first time and we didn't even finish. FML
Not a great start
Today, after waiting to losing our virginity together, we finally did it, only for my boyfriend to claim he doesn't understand how people enjoy sex, since he found the waiting stressful, the sex awkward and undignified, the orgasm unimpressive and so sticky, he was desperate for a shower afterwards. FML
Committed
Today, I tried to lose my virginity to my boyfriend of a year. We're almost twenty. In the end, we both chickened out and played Pokémon instead. FML
Mr Floppy
Today, my boyfriend and I tried to have sex for the first time. Everything was going well, until he tried to put it in. A few minutes later, he said, "It's not hard enough." We tried for another half hour to fix that. We ended up eating ice cream. FML
Absolute beginners
Today, after making out with my boyfriend for the first time, it took me an hour to convince him he was still a virgin. FML
Today, I finally lost my virginity to my boyfriend. It hurt like hell, was over in less than a minute, and he tried to reuse the condom for a second round. FML
Top comments
Miss_Michaela 10
'Please insert Appendage P into Hole V'.
suitgirl5 5
If you don't know how to have sex or have an understanding of how it works at all you are too young to be doing it.
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Comments (437)
mikeymayhem_87 15
Don't be a fool, and hopefully you know how to wrap your tool!!
afunnyterdcody 5
Don't be a dummy cum on her tummy
mikeymayhem_87 15
Also true!!
doogy15 11
She can't get prego if she's on top, just let gravity do its work :3
yunilee7 4
#79- Let's us know how that worked out for you in 9 months, I'm sure there won't be ANY surprises. ;)
studdmuffin1990 7
#79 was just joking people quit raping him with thumbs down and get a sense of humor
yunilee7 4
#132 - Where does it say he's joking? Maybe he was kidding and I didn't catch on, but I sure hope it's just a joke. That was one of the most ignorant things I've heard in a while.
jizzwold 21
He was definitely joking. I've heard that on a tv show. I think it was always sunny in Philadelphia but in any case it was a comedy.
coried91 28
I've heard that on knocked up. They said she should have been on top because of gravity. It's incredibly stupid but I assume that's where he got it from.
Milf6969 1
You seriously need some sex Ed of your own if you believe that
studdmuffin1990 7
And now I'm getting raped haha Seriously people it was a joke and I felt bad for him. It is a common joke people like to say regarding sex and if anyone didn't get it may I recommend getting friends?
silent_bride 5
132: Stop. Rape isn't funny. Don't take it lightly like that.
tobedd 13
Dear God, everyone needs a sense of humour. Saying I'm getting raped is no different then saying I'm feeling retarded or worked harder than an illegal Mexican immigrant at a senators house on a Sunday afternoon. Geez get over it.
silent_bride 5
196: No. I can almost guarantee that there's at least one woman in your life who has been sexually assaulted. It's not a joke.
jizzwold 21
So?? Dark comedy is the best kind of comedy.
Senseless_487 29
182-I think it's time you learned the difference between "figuratively" and "literally."
MargieDrury 1
If people are taking rape as a "dark joke". Or something try to be nice and considerate of people around it can hurt the feelings like if you say ****** around a black person they take it offense but the gravity thing is a joke it was funny stop crying.
SpunkyyyMonkeyy 10
Haha your ******* retarded
Caretaker21 4
If you can't figure it out that you're clearly not ready. Also OP let's hope you know to use some form of birth control because "pulling out" isn't one.
jab7769 8
Always worked for me stick it in for awhile pull out and have her open her mouth and bam no kid. Lol I know this will get thumb down Idc still enjoy my sex my way.
Zomg_Okay 27
If your girl hasn't gotten pregnant because you use the "pull-out" method, it's not because it's working but because you're quite lucky. As soon as you're hard, sticking it in can get a girl pregnant regardless of whether you come or not.
jab7769 8
Yup precum and told u it get thumb down
TheSmoothDude 10
Oh dude 28 you must have so much sex you're the man.
natepooch 4
for all the uneducated...pre-cum contains roughly 750,000 sperm cells compared to the 300,000,000 released during ejaculation...and even with 300 million the ability to become pregnant can be quite difficult. Also if the kid is too young to know what to do...say 14, he would only be releasing around 50 million. And statistically of the 672 hours in a normal menstrual cycle, on 24-36 of those hours can the girl get pregnant so if takedown it blindly the chances of you having sex in that time period is 6% ...also withdrawal is a form of birth control, just not an efficient one
natepooch 4
ughhh butchered myself -____- it should say "take a blind shot" and "chance of conceiving" not having sex
julialinn 2
28, no one cares about your sex life. And pulling out doesn't work because there's premature ejaculation
Kwolfe 7
They actually did a study maybe 6 months ago that showed the pull out method was very effective if used CORRECTLY. The problem is when you can't control yourself and bust all inside your girl.
natepooch 4
134, premature ejaculation is a completely separate disorder in which one ejaculates prior the physical sensation of ******. Pre-cum the term you are thinking of is the release of a small amount of seminal fluids in preparation of ejaculation
tdawg4200 0
Regardless of how many sperm cells are in precum/ejaculate, it only takes ONE to get a girl knocked up. Pulling out was invented by Catholics to make more Catholics.
natepooch 4
you have know idea how hard it is to be a sperm, like I said even with hundreds of millions of sperm many couples still have great difficulties getting pregnant
76transam 0
113 spends too much time on google
twisted_cherub 14
113-While all that may be true, there are some factors which make the rhythm method (as it is called) less effective. A woman is more sexually charged during ovulation (those 24-36 hrs of fertility) and releases pheromones which make men around her want to have sex with her more. Also, pulling out takes a lot of control (I hear). So with all the teen pregnancy now days, relying on young/inexperienced people to have that much self-control is not a great way to ensure safe sex. Plus, PULLING OUT DOES NOT PROTECT FROM STIs, people! Over 50% of American women have been infected with a strain of HPV, which can lead to cancer and infertility. Not to mention the millions living with HIV & AIDS, or herpes, syphilis, and many more. Why does everyone think pregnancy is the only reason to be safe?
gohogs518 4
If you don't know how to have sex, you're probably too young to try it. Wait a few years.
haleyaubrey1 0
He's a keeper
bridie23 1
There ovbiusily not 5 otherwise they wouldn't be able to write this.
xocellaox 0
not that hard to figure it out. haha. it's like a really easy puzzle :D the pieces were made for connection.
MargieDrury 1
Hey I read you info and I'm a geek I'm in drumline. Color guard is not my thing lol but that's Awesome.
tdawg4200 0
What does that have to do with sex?
MargieDrury 1
Nothing, I was just saying. Myob.
xocellaox 0
ohhaii! i was actually thinking of doing drumline this year :D
MargieDrury 1
Pit? Bass? Oh email me I like finding people with same things lol. ( it's in my info)
nfjskcbdkdjdjdn 2
Look at the bright side. At least you now know that your boyfriend has never watched any **** without you knowing!
kaengelangeleyes 9
I would think that was weird. They must be very young. Like 13 or something. I honestly think its strange if a guy doesnt watch ****.
nfjskcbdkdjdjdn 2
Mweh, some people are just very sheltered. Home schooled, maybe? And yea, It's pretty normal for dudes to watch ****. But I think they should at least tell their significant other so there are no secrets, right?
doogy15 11
No, **** is something private that isn't exactly something to brag about. Guys brag about the girls they screw not the ones they imagine screwing. It's normal but it's not something you go telling people about.
Conasaur 8
I don't watch **** .-.
mikeymayhem_87 15
LIES!!
nfjskcbdkdjdjdn 2
83 - I didn't mean it like that. I mean, if you had a long term girlfriend that you might consider getting engaged to, it would be best to tell them about what you watch and such. I didn't mean that boys should go around proclaiming that they watch ****. That probably wouldn't be the best of ideas.
Jaxx66 21
35- how is it strange? My fiancé doesn't watch ****.... But then again, we make our own.
Yung23 0
How's that for adventure lmao
nfjskcbdkdjdjdn 2
***obviously someone doesn't understand exaggeration.
Samster2000 9
Prime example of why you shouldn't have sex at 9