Today, my boyfriend and I decided it was time to lose our virginity. After our clothes were removed, we spent 30 minutes trying to figure out how to actually have sex, and eventually gave up. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my boyfriend and I were going to have sex for the first time. He didn't know how to take off my bra and insisted that he'd figure it out on his own. He gave up a couple of seconds later and played video games instead. FML
Today, I was messing with my boyfriend in my basement. We are both virgins and he wanted to perform oral sex on me for the first time. Naked, we finally decided to try to have sex. We discovered the act is much harder than it may seem. We're both still virgins. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I tried to have sex. Foreplay was amazing, but as soon as he started to get it in, he lost his erection because he was too nervous. He's a 30-year-old virgin and this has happened at least 10 times. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were trying to have sex for the first time. Not only did he struggle for five minutes to put on a condom (repeatedly snapping himself in the balls), but he then had to ask me "which hole" to put it in. I'm dating a thirty-four year old virgin. FML
Today, I decided it was time to lose my virginity to my boyfriend. After about ten minutes he started going faster and his stomach was slapping against mine. It was making a weird sound so I started laughing. Apparently that wasn't sexy and he went soft. My first time and we didn't even finish. FML
Today, after waiting to losing our virginity together, we finally did it, only for my boyfriend to claim he doesn't understand how people enjoy sex, since he found the waiting stressful, the sex awkward and undignified, the orgasm unimpressive and so sticky, he was desperate for a shower afterwards. FML
Today, I tried to lose my virginity to my boyfriend of a year. We're almost twenty. In the end, we both chickened out and played Pokémon instead. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I tried to have sex for the first time. Everything was going well, until he tried to put it in. A few minutes later, he said, "It's not hard enough." We tried for another half hour to fix that. We ended up eating ice cream. FML
Today, after making out with my boyfriend for the first time, it took me an hour to convince him he was still a virgin. FML
Today, I finally lost my virginity to my boyfriend. It hurt like hell, was over in less than a minute, and he tried to reuse the condom for a second round. FML
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Top comments
Miss_Michaela 10
'Please insert Appendage P into Hole V'.
suitgirl5 5
If you don't know how to have sex or have an understanding of how it works at all you are too young to be doing it.
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Comments (437)
griffins33 4
There's always tomorrow!
Jaxx66 21
Keep trying. Practice makes perfect. :)
starxshine 0
That's what Google is for!
ring13 0
If you're not old enough to know what happens you're probably not old enough to have sex.
aleishaa_jadee 13
Couldn't agree more.
zack11742 7
I would say doesn't matter had sex but....
osnapitzaris 0
he's too young for you, sis.
XxDevilxXGt 26
There's always middle school, try leaving elementary first, it might be too early. ^^
analisemarie 12
I was going to thumb you up Ring13 but....there's 69 thumbs ups. Don't want to ruin that. I'll just leave this here.
osnapitzaris 0
thats okay, there's currently 90 thumbs up now. lol
honne_tatemae 9
The sex ed scenes in Mean Girls gives a pretty accurate description.
hubla 0
There's a great big beautiful tomorrow smiling at you everyday I love Disney
JumbledGirl 2
215 likes!!!
kyarush 10
..... What has this world come to?....
starbeast 0
119, grow up.
LolFMLnot 10
Go on google and search "how to have sex" Everything is in google! Trust!!
musicluvr2000 11
276 to be exact
spekledworf 18
Read this too my boyfriend. His advice to your boyfriend: "you've gotta break her in!"
SuddsTv 6
Exactly!,thats what google it for!, to tell you things you dont know
wooley29 8
I def google it,
daffyduckdd 2
If you are too stupid to figure it out. Then you shouldn't be allowed to pro create anyway so don't worry.
watermelon323 3
last I checked, procreate is one word
failmaster069 7
for humanitys sake i hope there isn't :/ we'll have a generation of people running around missing chromosomes..
amber551133 5
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
if their age is on the clock, they're ready for the ****.
Jdubbs_14 0
12:04 so you're saying someone at the age of 12 can have sex? :p lol Jk
guagmire 0
People forgot bout ****
key3111 2
There is also always ****?
littlemissno1 3
umm wtf is ur profile pic??
Miss_Michaela 10
'Please insert Appendage P into Hole V'.
Valdrek 26
Hahaha nice one!
ClassyCommando 13
You stick your McSchmoigity in her Geflaivity and then you gigity, gigity, gigity!
GreatGeak 8
I'm just surprised that he'd never watched five minutes worth of ****. it really doesn't take much to get the idea.
norotors 16
It's not that hard.
Calyx_fml 22
Neither was he by the sounds of it.
Meowingtons500 18
207- that's what he said! Sorry guys, someone had to do it.
Cccocco 4
Or .... It's not hard enough.... Lol
CVeNgineer 0
Who else but quagmire
xx000o 27
#207 At least 50% has to be hard.
fukthisss 5
It should be- maybe that's why it took so long. It wasn't hard.
ankoku 2
3 is my hero!
BIGBOY4rmAHM 19
Possibly the best explanation for beginners.
BostonBruinsFan 8
214-FAIL! It's THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID!!
jonriise18 3
207 - maybe that's the problem!!
alikayanna 0
Or maybe he just wasn't hard enough?
Dominodev 3
Maybe that was the problem
lolatyofail 0
Or hole b or m o_O
celiinne 0
I see what you did there (:
KeyboardWarrior 10
This is the fastest and most thumbed up comment I've ever seen. Nice job 3.
kikidi 6
Right #405, because that's what most people do the first time they have sex.
anncorinnelife 4
Omg.. Penis in ******
twilightluvr101 4
Wow that's two dumbass's that won't procreate, now what to do with the rest...
l0v3p4in 7
. . . First lesson of Sex 101
Tylerdre 6
207 i see what you did thier :D
ALpein 0
He stuck his thingy in my you know what and I went "Oh oh oh"
JustStella 28
We really need to be able to favorite comments, man...
EagorLuvsBigFoot 8
This FML is getting so Many 'thumbed up' comments. Love it!
ninjacapo 2
Or "mr penis, please meet mrs ******."
MonsterSlayer13 5
if you couldn't find out how to have sex..obviously your too young to have it.
tyler004 0
guess it's a good think they can't have offspring if they can't figure out how to perform coitus:P
kittykat72 4
Well first time lovers have awkwardness and condition I can see why it would be hard
PuppyLove97 6
LAWL!!!!
impress69 6
LOL
ilikeyourturtle 4
hah, get it? hard?
RadGirl212 4
It's probably for the best.
236schertzi 1
Dumb people shouldn't breed.
MagicallyFat 12
Their prob to young and have no idea what to do…
CryMoreFMLs 15
91 - It's not too difficult.... Just let it come naturally.
jizzwold 21
It's possible that they aren't that young but they are/were really sheltered. I wish the op would always follow up on their fmls so we could have answers to things like this.
dkboo863 0
You do need to have sex first for it to "come naturally" tho
CryMoreFMLs 15
183 - Sex should be already programmed into our minds. It's one of our great mindsets... I think.
videokid2000 10
#210 Now that I think about it, if it's not programmed into our minds, how did cavemen figure it out?
BostonBruinsFan 8
210/333-Being male is the best cuz Sex is all that a guy thinks about
SirCharles83 13
333- the wheel wasn't programed into our minds and we figured that out- just sayin
Mister_Triangle 21
Yeah, not being intelligent enough to figure out how to reproduce is natural selection at it's finest.
Angel_Cacey 7
If your age is on the clock your to young
lil_ham1644 29
"For ****." You forgot the rest of the rhyme.
jkozzy 8
Well, when a mommy and a daddy love each other very much......
ClassyCommando 13
...or become extremely intoxicated...
muzy 23
what's love got to do with it?
DrMime 10
^-got to do with it! Who needs a heart when a heart can be broken!
MatheusRajuidas 5
I think that globally, there was so much of innocent love that they forgot about their genital organs reproductive use.
sabb1228 0
Love has a lot to do with it... Just the two people normally don't love each other, if you know what I mean. (creepy wink)
muzy 23
It's people like Mr.Wonka over there ( points at #212) who make me feel as though there is still hope for mankind !
lukemack 4
You really shouldn't be talking no Offense your only 15
muzy 23
370 stop patronising people and quit acting like you drank from the fountain of wisdom...
WhoaItsKiernan 4
211--I thought mimes couldn't talk..err..sing
muzy 23
400- I do believe that that gentleman is not a mime. He is no other than Mr. Willy Wonka.
spazz666 18
370; he may be only 15 but he's probably a lot more intelligent than you considering the wording of your comments...
beelee1988 13
I thought 212's picture was the guy from 'A Clockwork Orange'
Awes0meperson 10
Why are you talking? You're only 18
Jason199615 0
Maybe that's a sign that's telling you its not time.
Urbanchiller 0
I call "FAKE AND GAY" on this one.
ALlamaOnFire 20
The only thing that worries me is that they spent time trying to work out how to insert his penis into her. There's a choice of 2/3 ... openings and the third one is not even visible...
copy125 0
More like wait 5-10 years till you hit puberty and are actually old enough to have sex
ntherewas1 11
Agreed. But I was actually wondering, if OP is able to use the Internet to access FML, surely the internet could give fruition to many, many, many, many 'tips' on sex??
trololol6969 3
They would have probably spent another 30 mins trying to figure out how to put on a condom....
tjv3 10
I agree. People now adays treat sex as something casual and it's not
suitgirl5 5
If you don't know how to have sex or have an understanding of how it works at all you are too young to be doing it.
RahmEsHestos 5
They are probly 13 year old middle shoolers who want to be the first in their class to give it a go. Probly haven't even had to learn about it in health yet either
jtthegr8 26
It should be self explanatory really, i mean the way we teenagers are these days i feel like OP and boyfriend are secluded from the public
dstrad11890 4
Exactly what I was thinking
Obeyy19 4
Amen
supermonke07 0
I'm 13 and I know what it is and how to do it. (not saying that I did. Im waiting till I'm ready) but seriously age isn't the problem here. It's just stupidity. We watch those scenes In movies and tv shows all the time and yet they still don't know.
Pandacupcakelove 26
But they didn't, did they? -.- why are there soooo many comments
Pandacupcakelove 26
300- OMG really? -.- obvviously they know HOW they're just not ready! Dont take everything so litterarly! That's stupidity ;)
stevenJB 25
Lol. 13year olds? There's 11 year olds getting prego round here
BillyDisselhorst 3
If they couldn't even figure out what to do they obviously weren't going to use birth control which is even stupider.
lukemack 4
Agreed.
BostonBruinsFan 8
314-I'm 13 and in 6TH GRADE the puberty movie thingy showed us EVERYTHING and my (thankfully male) 6TH GRADEteacher told us EVERYTHING that the movie didn't; condoms, sex toys, ect. What's your problem?
Awes0meperson 10
You know your body is mature enough at 13, but you just don't have the responsibility to handle a child. A 4 and 5 year old had a child once (long ago, in China I think.)
mataocike 3
Var AgeA=you age; Var AgeB= his age; var canMakeLove? AgeA>=18&& AgeB>18:ture|false； if（ canMakeLove）｛ Var A= Rod; Var B= Slot; Var timeA=****** time； if（var timeB=0;timeB<timeA;timeB++）{ Insert A into B； pull out A； ｝ ｝
lynkynpark86 7
That is not physically possible. No female ovulates until at least 7, and then it would either be miscarried or die during birth
Talis99 26
Well, then Guinness, news reporters, and video and hospital records are wrong. She was five, she is from Peru, and both child and mother survived. And yes, it can happen, for a variety of reasons, to start early.
Sebastian_NG 17
How old are you exactly OP, because because if you knew that much about sex you're probably too young, Amish or North Korean
sqeakyclean 7
Amish people have sex. Just not with the lights on.
Jorcar 8
What lights?
ElricMustang 23
They don't have ligths to turn on, though.
ClassyCommando 13
North Korean? The **** are you talking about? They know how to make children.
Krajjan 9
Common misconception. All North Korean children are born from the divine leader's holy penis tears.
glittercookies 12
North Korea wouldn't allow their citizens on FML. So we can rule that out.
taco_bender 12
They reproduce like wabbits. They are a million of asians. There not endangered anymore.
SpicyDuck 22
Preteens these days...
Guren 0
Koreans and Asians are two different nationalities.
PandaPandamoneum 0
Amish people don't have computers, so no internet. No internet, no FML
MargieDrury 1
Soo all these comments pretty much answered the is too young.
bosu_no_youna 0
78- Exactly
aubmkiern13 0
Or they are north korean that lives in us, or an Amish person who has parents that are separated & one ain't Amish
Lil_Red777 21
the Amish don't use any form of technology so there goes that theory don't ya think.
Heinousness 0
My school taught this to us( we had a lot of pregnant girls)
desireev 18
It's a sign that you weren't supposed to lose it today. Be patient, OP! It will happen! :)
Trivelo 0
Or it could not!
muzy 23
speaking from experience are we 346?
perdix 31
That's a disgrace considering the easy availability to training videos on the Internet, aka ****.
Stebby 1
How learned my basics :D
Feklfekl2222 32
I am disappointed with myself for thumbing ip your comment, I changed it from 69 :(
ScurvyD 2
I thumbed down to get it back to 69. Not because I didn't like the comment
ZooMzy 9
77- Now look where it's at?
RahmEsHestos 5
We share the exact same thoughts
Fkeeler97 0
He has to stick it into you. If you didnt know that then.... SexEd class for you too.
YayorNay 8
Stick it exactly where? In the ear?
c8750 2
Only on family guy lol
rayrayray23 1
Does it go in her nose ?
TColby 12
Why should a school have to teach them?
tdawg4200 0
Because clearly their parents didn't.
oops_im_fucked 8
Yeah I heard "nasal" is pretty nice tho...