Today, my 14-year-old daughter came home after sneaking out and partying. She was totally drunk, and started crying on my shoulder because some boy named "Thomas" has a small dick, and she had to fake an orgasm. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I picked my 12-year-old daughter up from school after her first sexual education lecture. She burst into tears on the way home explaining her fears of being pregnant with her boyfriend's child. As if that doesn't sound bad enough, I've met her boyfriend before. He is imaginary. FML
Today, I was a bit upset to learn that my 13 year-old daughter had a boyfriend. When she noticed, she assured me that I shouldn't worry, because "it's just for sex anyway". FML
Today, my daughter turned up at my house because her boyfriend kicked her out. I rang him and it turns out his love and affection and even the time he spent getting to know her kids wasn’t enough for her, my daughter just had to throw it all away by sucking her coworker's dick in her boyfriend's bed. FML
Today, I was having sex with my wife when my 14 year-old daughter texted me from her room, "Stop." FML
Today, I came home to find my 14-year-old son attempting to get drunk off aftershave. FML
Today, I caught my 20 year old daughter having sex with my best friend's husband. Apparently it's my fault for coming home early. FML
Today, my mom came home drunk and crying, so I tried to comfort her and asked what was wrong. She wasted no time admitting that she'd hooked up with her ex-husband, AKA my dad, but that it'd sucked for her because he has a tiny penis. Thanks, I really needed to know that. FML
Today, after I grounded my barely 18 year-old daughter for having sex with her boyfriend when I found a pack of condoms in her room while cleaning it, she responded by moving out and eloping with him. FML
Today, my daughter came up to me crying. When I asked her what was wrong, she told me that she had a fight with her imaginary boyfriend. She's 16. I raised this child. FML
Today, I caught my 14-year-old daughter stealing alcohol from me. After berating her for half-an-hour I finally said, "At least you're not doing drugs." She gave me a guilty smile and sheepishly said, "At least I'm not a prostitute?" FML
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Top comments
Krirn 21
Isn't that punishment enough?
ilikebikes7 3
Poor Thomas.
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Comments (321)
barefootchic 6
Your daughter doesn't seem to have much respect for your. I'd suggest the biggest punishment of her life would teach her some. Although in this day and age, there's no "too young" for sex. All ages do it, and even most legal adults aren't ready to deal with the possibility of a baby. Consequences.
TML329 14
Wow at 14 I was more worried about getting to the next level in video games
Lilithslabyrinth 0
U need to beat her little ass and make her scrub floors, then take her to a hospital and u can ask for a special tour that basically lets your children see an actuall birth, then beat her little ass some more, then embarise her by following her around school all day for two weeks! Schools allow that
mystashisgone 6
That or instead of calling her by her name replace it with little *****. Not forever but, at least until she figures out that meeting a man with a large penis isn't always the way to go.
DocBastard 40
If I ever catch my daughter pulling this kind of shit, I'd lock her in her room for a year. Fortunately I'm raising her to respect her parents AND herself, so the chance of that actually happening is about the same as that of a fat man in a red suit shimmying down my chimney tonight.
TheDrifter 24
So you're saying you need a bigger chimney? Or just a slimmer Santa?
ScotsLassie 6
44 - doc this is probably the first time that I have not agreed with you. My parents taught me to respect them and myself. My mum also wanted me to be informed and so taught me about sex and possible consequences, an the dangers of drugs and alcohol from an early age. However, I started doing all of this at the age of 14. It was my choice and yes it messed me up a bit at the time but I got over it and I think that my experiences have helped me to be a well informed and balanced adult. We all make choices that we will look back on and see them as mistakes but at the time we make them for the best of reasons, even if these reasons don't make sense to anyone else. Your daughter could do this. My parents barely have a clue what I got up to.
twinkiefeets 17
Why is your daughter having sex at 14?
ICastillo 25
Well ground her ass for sneaking out and having sex with a guy with a little penis. Well it's not her fault the guy had a little penis but still punish her.
Donovan_757 8
Look who's daughter just started the road down being a promiscuous teenage girl!
klovemachine 24
The song by Nelly Furtado and timbaland just came to mind :D
HortonThelephant 15
I think I can! I think I can! I think I can! Nope.. nothing yet. Is Thomas 100% that he has fully entered the tunnel?
SamanthaCassieL 10
wow. I can't believe your daughter can get away with this kind of thing. where are you? if I tried to do that at even 16, my parents would have my head on a steak. you need to talk some sense into your child, become a parent, and discipline and educate her. its sad when this thing happens at a young age, it is the child's fault yes, but the parent is also to blame because of lack of education and discipline. if its a mental health issue, she needs help. and its your responsibility to get her that. on a lighter note, merry Christmas, happy kwanzaa, happy Hanukkah or whatever you celebrate. hope you all have a safe(r) holiday season. good luck with her in the new year.
ALyte 15
Imaging your parents having your head on a steak is hilarious. Were it on a stake it would not be so funny. I do agree with your sentiment, though. :) Happy holidays!!
Onmyzephyr 5
Ha! Makes sense now, I was trying to figure out what that meant.
dbt88 15
I'm going to guess she is in Denmark. Just a guess though.
olpally 33
You let this happen, you deserve it and fyl for having such a disrespectful daughter... Better discipline her good or she'll keep walking all over you like this. Such a terrible fml. Good luck op, time to start being a better parent.
Bekll 31
Better late than never.