Today, like every other day my boyfriend and I try and have sex, his dog cried and whined outside of his room until we stopped. She does this all the time and it kills the mood instantly. I can't have sex because of a toy poodle. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my dog is much too fond of barking at me loudly and at length for no reason. So is my girlfriend. FML
Today, my girlfriend canceled our date I've been looking forward to all week because her dog was having puppies. She doesn't have a dog. FML
Today, my dog was watching me and started to have a hard-on, for half an hour. FML
Today, I was arguing with my girlfriend when my dog brought me a squeaky toy and tried shoving it into my hand so I could throw it for him. Out of habit, I grabbed it, but then it squeaked every time I tried to make a serious point. FML
Today, my dog played dead just so I would leave him alone. FML
Today, I found out that sometimes when my girlfriend is mad at me she will allow our unfixed male dog to jack off on my pillows when I'm at work. She won the battle and the war. FML
Today, my fiancé decided he wants a baby only because our dog is good, quiet, and falls asleep as soon as he starts to cradle her. He thinks a baby will be just like that. FML
Today, and like every day before it, my boyfriend’s snoring is keeping me up all night. FML
Today, my boyfriend kicked me out of bed so the dog could get under the covers. FML
Today, my boyfriend said he was too tired to have sex with me because he'd spent the whole day jerking off. FML
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Top comments
19jburner 15
Boop the snoot.
BloodyBrilliant 15
Buy a male dog. She needs her dude too.
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Comments (67)
19jburner 15
Boop the snoot.
Wizardo 34
Solid 5/7 comment.
ParadoxOfNames 15
9gag
AShrikeStrikes 11
Try going elsewhere, if you know it's going to happen find somewhere with no interruptions.
Shalnar 6
earplugs
misspanda_fml 7
How romantic.
GAJones4221 10
lol
saifnaqvi11 21
Maybe that poodle just wants to get in on the action.
pantsmaster 6
That will be quite the threesome. Trisexual?
emogirlzrcool 10
This whole thread is a mess.
arisanator9900 20
Put the dog in another room. Not the first time someone on fml has been cockblocked by an animal
Mortoli 30
lol true she would be outside though.
Wheelman2178 18
You don't have a boyfriend, you have a girlfriend.
XPhoenixFire 17
Do people just post this on fmls where a girlfriend has boyfriend troubles thinking it makes them manly or something? Because there was nothing in this fml that made the boyfriend feminine
Wheelman2178 18
"Toy poodle". What kind of man has dog that is toy poodle?
DoomedGemini 38
A man who is comfortable enough to not care about assholes like you. Seems more masculine than trying to insult someone over their companion choose to me.
Stuffaluffagus 25
Your boyfriend has a toy poodle? And it keeps him from having sex? You sure he isn't secretly gay?
zebra3_fml 7
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
your boyfriend has a toy poodle, that needs addressing first.
Sanguinairius 33
No actually it doesn't. We live in a society where people are free to own whatever pet they like regardless of society's perception of masculinity or femininity.
daycrae 8
^ I think it was a joke...
greeniegenius 20
Make friends with the girl dog! Then she will be ok
BloodyBrilliant 15
Buy a male dog. She needs her dude too.
vikky538 29
Best solution ever.
Rababco 29
She's probably fixed but another dog to socialize with would be a good idea. She's probably just lonely and wants attention.