Today, I found out that sometimes when my girlfriend is mad at me she will allow our unfixed male dog to jack off on my pillows when I'm at work. She won the battle and the war. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I found out why my girlfriend has been angry with me ever since I moved in with her. Apparently, she is pissed that I taught her cat how to play fetch and keep treating him like a dog. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I started fighting. Instead of arguing for herself, she decided to set her puppy on me. Only "Puppy" is the name of her fully-grown police-trained German Shepherd. FML
Today, my boyfriend kicked me out of bed so the dog could get under the covers. FML
Today, my girlfriend dumped me because her dog "told her to". FML
Today, my dog was watching me and started to have a hard-on, for half an hour. FML
Today, my wife kicked me out of my own bed to go and sleep on the sofa because the dog was whining, and would only stop if she was allowed to sleep on my side of the bed. My wife would rather sleep with the dog than me. FML
Today, my girlfriend yelled at me for changing my phone's password, like I thought she would try to access my phone without telling me. When I pointed out she could only know I changed it by trying to unlock it behind my back, she took the sandwich I'd just made and fed it to the dog. FML
Today, I found out that my girlfriend feeds her boogers to our dog. Sometimes she even makes her do tricks for them. FML
Today, while my girlfriend and I were making out, she went to fix the pillow behind her head and punched me straight in the face. FML
Today, I found pictures in my boyfriend's phone of our dog eating treats out of my mouth while I'm sleeping. FML
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Top comments
InfiniteSunshine 32
I actually think she lost both here. What she did is awful and shows she's just vindictive and petty. She resorts to revenge tactics, instead of expressing her feelings and talking about them like an adult, that's incredibly unhealthy. I've met children more mature than that. This is just so gross, I'd get new pillows.
cocacola999 27
She still has to sleep in the same bed with dog cum, so it seems like a pyrrhic victory.
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Comments (46)
BI4ze 17
That's going to be a whole different world of pink-eye.
Kihdd 8
it's all the same to the color-blind dog
cocacola999 27
She still has to sleep in the same bed with dog cum, so it seems like a pyrrhic victory.
Migole 36
Yeah, you need to have serious talk about hygiene and personal boundaries. But why do you even have a dog who is old enough to be sexually active and not fixed? That's irresponsible pet ownership.
BoomerSooner1991 6
Exactly what I was going to say. They need to get him fixed. They're putting him at a greater risk for cancer.
PancakeSlap 23
Having a fixed animal does not make you a responsible pet owner.
wolfheartmoon 12
however, having an unfixed one makes you irresponsible
PancakeSlap 23
I'm simply saying fixing an animal is not the only way to prevent breeding.
GhostFox 34
It's not just a matter of preventing breeding. Dogs- both males AND females in my experience- get more aggressive the longer they go unfixed. Female dogs have their risk of reproductive cancer increased for every heat they go into without being fixed. Male dogs have their risk of reproductive cancer increase for every year past sexual maturity they go unfixed. Both genders have increased risk of hormone issues as they age without being fixed. Not to mention it can literally only take ten minutes of your dog being unattended for them to find or be found by a dog of the opposite sex and the female to end up pregnant. So, yes, getting your dog fixed IS inherently more responsible, because it is being proactive instead of having to go "whoops, I let my little dude get the neighbor's dog pregnant, guess I'll play dumb" or "whoops, I let my little gal get pregnant, I better start looking for places to dump the puppies once they're born." It's the same logic as to why using a condom to prevent getting an STD is smarter than getting an STD and having to go through medical treatment for it. One is inherently more responsible because you take steps to keep the event from happening instead of just cleaning up the mess.
LilyEvans2736 8
Just speculating here, but maybe they breed their dog and that's why he isn't fixed.
PancakeSlap 23
#16 I agree, I just don't think it's very fair to assume OP, or anyone, isn't a responsible a responsible pet parent simply by if the dog is fixed or not. Obviously fixing an animal depends on the situation as #22 stated. I'm not saying every dog should be fixed or shouldn't be fixed.
Earl_KarmasBitch 36
If everyone fixed their dogs we'd have no more dogs in 20 years from now. So no, everyone fixing their dogs is not responsible.
soulreaper12296 28
And you're arrogant for calling someone irresponsible for not having a pet fixed. Maybe they just don't want to, maybe they eventually want to breed him or maybe they can't afford it and there aren't any vets in their area that do free or reduced spay/neuter clinics.
STFU01 14
Cutting the poor dog's nuts off does not "Fix" anything.
InfiniteSunshine 32
I actually think she lost both here. What she did is awful and shows she's just vindictive and petty. She resorts to revenge tactics, instead of expressing her feelings and talking about them like an adult, that's incredibly unhealthy. I've met children more mature than that. This is just so gross, I'd get new pillows.
midnightm16 24
And a new girlfriend
FMZiggy 22
And maybe a new girlfriend too... Edit: ninja'd (I swear that reply wasn't there when I posted mine)
Haonmi Mi 2
...and a new GF.
dragoongirl90 34
That's disgusting. What the **** is wrong with her? FYL, dude.
jbivens1992 17
That's one of the nastiest things I've ever heard. That's not revenge...that's a whole new level of crazy. Get your dog fixed, buy some new pillows and get rid of the psycho.
epicgamer 18
Okay I hate it when people say this unnecessarily on here, but this is a bigger situation. You should break up with her. She obviously doesn't give a **** about you. Shes your girlfriend, she should be there for you. She isnt the one if she is trying to cause harm.
species4872 20
Mind games. Learn to play.
GhostFox 34
Or, you know, be the more responsible and better functioning human by NOT adopting a set of behaviors that is extremely harmful and toxic to both the person doing the maladaptive behavior and the victim of said maladaptive behavior. Mind games, passive aggressiveness, whatever you want to call it, the point remains the actions are at their core a BAD set of communication behaviors developed for one reason or another, and the GF (and possibly ex GF, because this would very badly damage the trust in a relationship) really needs to either train herself out of the behavior or get professional help to train herself out of the behavior. Because any sort of communication that is based on intentionally harming one of the participants to make the other feel better is unhealthy for everyone.
species4872 20
Yup, knew someone would bite.
GhostFox 34
I don't know which makes you the sadder person- if you're saying you knew someone would call you out on your awful "advice" to make yourself seem more "impressive" or if you actually have such a bitter personality as to have to sink to the level of baiting people with bad advice on the Internet in order to get your entertainment for the day. Either scenario makes you a rather sad being.
shitstorm28 11
You can make sure this never happens again by fixing your dog and breaking up with your extremely petty and immature girlfriend.
GhostFox 34
I'd suggest sitting down and thinking about whether you can trust her after this- if she's been doing this for who knows how long, she probably has other actions she takes when she's feeling spiteful. It also implies that she would prefer to harm you in some way than actually communicate about any issues that come up, and that isn't a healthy habit.