Today, I had to tell all the trick-or-treaters that I'd run out of candy. I'd actually bought about $50 worth of candy, but managed to eat all of it by myself, sitting alone in my apartment, exactly like last year. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I bought fifteen bags of candy for the trick-or-treaters. I sat outside with a bowl of candy the whole night. Only one person came. FML
Today, I lied to the cashier at my local store, saying that I was "nominated to buy the candy for the party" when in actuality I went home and gorged on it alone. FML
Today, I was handing candy to a little boy who was trick or treating by himself. He was small enough to grab the candy and run past me into my house. I've been searching my house for two hours and still can't find him. I'm afraid to go to sleep. FML
Today, I dressed up like a pirate, dressed my dog as a parrot and bought $30 worth of candy to pass out to trick-or-treaters. I waited by the door for 3 hours. Not one kid came. FML
Today, a kid came Trick-or-Treating at my house. When I told her it was still one more day until Halloween, and that I didn't have any candy, she wound-up her fist, punched me in the groin, and ran off laughing. FML
Today, after a stressful shift at work, I bought three bags of candy to hand out to trick-or-treaters tonight. I didn’t realize until I got home that one bag had a hole in it, and there were three empty M&M wrappers inside. My grocery store sucks. FML
Today, I asked my girlfriend to get a bunch of candy for our first Halloween at our new house, so she got $60 worth. We got into an argument about who was going to give it out. It’s now 9 p.m. No one came to our door all night. FML
Today, while up in my room getting ready to go out, I thought I heard some trick or treaters knocking on the door. I ignored them because I didn't have any candy. The knocking got louder and longer. I walked downstairs, and noticed that the living room ceiling was falling down onto the floor. FML
Today, I woke up excited to go trick-or-treating, the treat being candy. Instead, my town has officially postponed Halloween due to blackouts. I guess this is where the trick comes in. FML
Today, I was pretending to be a mom with my friends, and I was joking how I bought them candy and that it cost me an arm and a leg, only to realize that the cashier only had one arm. FML
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Top comments
joee182 3
Forever AloneD': lmao
xxmarissaaaxx 9
How could anyone eat that much candy??
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Comments (213)
joee182 3
Forever AloneD': lmao
markrs 0
Sweet tooth. Yeah. It's the reason I'm single too...
fatgirllovesfml 0
Lonelyyyyy, I'm mister lonleyyyyy......
awagh666 14
SWEET SHIT!!!!!! Actually, that's what's gonna happen tomorrow....
thaCODgod 4
Fatty
bubble25_fml 5
Halloween candy hangovers are the worst :(
TurnpikeTwister 0
Nobody wants to hang around that type of person OP, someone whose selfish, self-pitying, and I imagine quite obese; it's up to you to make the changes that you want in your life. You can't justifiably sit around feeling sorry for your self when you haven't taken any initiative to make these changes to begin with, it's time to be a big girl (no pun intended) and start taking some responsibility
FarSide 23
I agree with 86. The responsible thing would have been to have waited until the day AFTER Halloween when the candy was 50% off!
Jovecove 13
Greedy lil pig! $50 worth of candies can be evenly shared with the neighbourhood, considering you can buy bulks and huge ass bags of em at $3!
HentaiBunny 4
Seriously? Nobody gets the memebase joke? Argh
mattyboonie 0
... I love you.
blobs1907 3
buy candy u don't like
Toowoo 3
Are u sure that's the only reason
MyScrewedUpLifeS 0
spend the fifty on rumba, gym membership, just dance or something active next time
ballwiz24 0
OP could have just went inside and turned the porch light off
CoDGamerGirl 4
Me gusta ._.
Androidz 0
404 candy not found.
SquashedSpider7 0
damn man same stuff happens to me all the time. fyl
Savra_fml 17
You should get together with the OP and combine your budgets! Just imagine what $100 worth of candy would look like. Mmmmmm.
allard 14
All I can say there 16, is win. Well done sir, well done indeed.
evilplatypus 39
If they both buy fifty dollars worth of candy and divide it evenly amongst themselves, they'll still each have fifty dollars worth of candy. Your logic confuses me.
Savra_fml 17
64, OP would have company & would not have to sit alone. Also would give them the opportunity to swap candies, or have competitions who eats the most in 3 minutes, or who can lick the chocolate off without breaking the biscuit underneath, etc. Where is your party spirit?
pookberry 4
First thing to make me smile all day :)
xXxSentiencexXx 0
Also, there are deals if you buy in bulk, they could probably get a higher ratio of candy to money, which is always good :D
Savra_fml 17
That's the spirit # 74!
J3R3MYY 14
Also if they put their money together to get $50 each worth of candy and put it together it still looks like more. U'll never be alone again OP. Im proud of u.
bigantennaemay 3
why lick chocolate when they can lick each other?
False_Stupidity 42
You spend $50 on candy? ... She sounds cheap, what is she like? ;-)
Fr3sH4L1F3 1
That's a LOT of candy fat ass!
Gloria_GDA 0
You sir, are an asshole.
Snafuusmc 12
That sounds like a nyeh...Mouthful! Naa your fine I did the same.
Savra_fml 17
SquashedSpider7 & OP are getting together next year for a haloween candy party. $50 buys you in
nikChick447 6
haha ill donate $50 to the cause.
FrostHeart 36
OP should watch Phat Girlz. Very inspiring. To all you grammar Nazis, the movie is called Phat Girlz.
xxmarissaaaxx 9
How could anyone eat that much candy??
StopDropNRoll 11
Candy is really good man! But I would start feeling sick after the first 5 bucks worth.
VVeetard 8
The morbidly obese
Savra_fml 17
# 31, just because someone is fat does not mean they eat a lot. Could mean they don't eat correctly. Or they could have a medical condition.
aKaClickZ 4
I also love the "I have big bones" excuse
iliketurdles 7
No such thing as big boned. Just big skin. 20 internetz if you get the reference.
Buttsexpirate 9
Come on k'nuckles! We have to find candy island! We have to go get bubby!
cmyk 19
Chaarliee, come with us to candy mountaaain Chaarliee! Lets go on a adventure Charliee!
cynicalhumanist 9
No, not every obese person eat a lot. However, almost everyone able to eat such huge amounts of candy (it would buy you 4 kg of candy where I live) are obese.
thisisafunnyname 12
maybe op just really overpaid for halloween candy.
Chad_the_Brony 0
It's odd how 5 has a hat of Perry the Platypus and OP's name is Candice, but spelt different to the show.
Alexisthebestest 16
Guys, chill out. I'm sure OP is just exaggerating. Even if he did eat $50 worth, it wouldn't be that much candy. That shit gets expensive right before Halloween.
VeganVampyre 27
Umm... I can eat that much candy =/ (and I have, on multiple occasions) and I am nowhere near fat.
truebrotrue 7
Should've had a v8
Toowoo 3
Do they even show that show any more and if not then how did it end
kate1238 9
51 haha! I havent seen that show in forevor!
miz_kamakazi 11
I'm thinking OP bought the candy a few weeks early and ate it over the course of at least a week or two.
Tyger44 1
Tell them to buy their own candy.... "its alll minnneeeee"
CVeNgineer 0
I would be throwing up for days if I tried that
False_Stupidity 42
Doesn't have to be chocolate to be considered 'candy', although that is the best kind...
samiwammy 5
*munch* Om nom nom nom nom *munch munch*
nattie_olivo 4
GET A GIRLFRIEND!!!
syki 22
How do you know OP's a lesbian? Unless...
Deadzombie 2
If he ate that much candy..... You think he can get a gf?? Cause, I don't.
VeganVampyre 27
165- Why not? Lots of people love candy. And junk food + movie marathon/ video game parties are awesome! :D I eat tons of candy at every holiday and my boyfriend doesn't seem to care...
g0bak3acake 0
good one (smiley face)
BlacOpsMaximus 5
Damn, sounds like you need a cat......or a life! x)
syki 22
(Stereo)typically, those two things are mutually exclusive. Good choice of conjunction, then, but I'm afraid your meaning is a bit ambiguous.
foreverDark 1
10...right??? 93...in English please
syki 22
Durr, fat old crazy cat laydees r fat n crazeeee! They aint got no LIEF, man!
VeganVampyre 27
Hmm... I think you hit the opposite extreme there, syki. I'm sure they didn't need it dumbed down quite THAT much. Then again, you never really know...