Today, my boyfriend told me to text him when I got home to let him know I'd made it home safe. He said if I didn't, he'd assume that aliens had abducted me and that he'd get a new girlfriend. He was completely serious. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was playing a game on my boyfriend's phone when he got a text from a girl saying, "Last night was so fun." When I asked him about it, he panicked and said, "We were hunting Bigfoot." FML
Today, I texted my boyfriend, and he pretended he was a Burger King employee who found a lost phone, just so that he wouldn't have to talk to me. FML
Today, when my boyfriend got home, I told him about how I’d had the worst day with our baby. Without blinking, he told me to say the word and he’d drive to a different city and anonymously surrender our son to a fire station and all our suffering would be over. He was completely serious. FML
Today, I told my boyfriend I had to go out and that I'd be back later. He asked where I was going. "To see my other boyfriend," I chuckled, smiling. He took it seriously and wouldn't believe it was just a joke. I'm pretty sure I'm now single. FML
Today, my boyfriend asked me to text him when I got home after driving 40 miles in bad weather from his house back to mine. When I did, he broke up with me. FML
Today, my boyfriend proposed to me. I said yes. This caused him to panic, excuse himself, then take it back via text message a half hour later, claiming he'd been drunk. We live together. When he comes back home, it's going to be very awkward indeed. FML
Today, I was texting my boyfriend about yesterday, where he told me how much he loved me, and he wishes we lived closer. I asked him if he really meant it. Turns out he was drunk, and had no idea what he was talking about. FML
Today, my boyfriend called me in the middle of the night and told me he got mugged and was on his way to the hospital. I told him to fuck off because that was a horrible April Fool's joke. He asked if I wanted to talk to the paramedic. I told him to stop bothering me. Turns out it was true. FML
Today, my suburban, white boyfriend of two years told me he wanted to tell me something serious. He sat me down, looked me in the eye and said "I want to be gangster." I started laughing thinking he was joking. He was 100% serious. FML
Today, my boyfriend texted me saying, "I can come over today. She thinks I've got work." I think he had the wrong number. FML
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Top comments
Kill_Kayt 5
I think you deserve it for actualy thinking he was completely serious.
SeahorseGuy 7
Be glad, at least he cares if you made it home safe.
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Comments (57)
kimmi41509 10
What an idiot.
TrueTriage 16
Aliens aren't a laughing matter! I mean have you seen the movie independence day?!
Drigr 9
I wouldn't call him an idiot, he was driving his point home. I'm like that when my girlfriend drives home late at night, its about knowing she made it home safe. Though I'm not as weird as this guy about it..
imavelociraptor 6
It's nice that he cares about OP so much. Even if he's crazy
MDTeddy 13
So people think it is ok to play with feelings? That guy apparently did not like this girl enough to stay with her even though he was with her which I don't understand.
Goldenchest 14
Don't text him. Simple as that.
NaebIsak 3
Wow!
mystashisgone 6
This made me laugh, only because it sounds like something I would say. I can see where he would care about you making it home safely, but then again, being sarcastic about his reason why he thought you wouldn't be? But what do I know, my last girlfriend practically ruined my life and haven't had one for around 4 years.prolly never will again. Smooth move. Lol seems that girls never like subtle sarcasm.
Pleonasm 36
14- And then 'this sounds like something I would say,' I just stop reading.
Oddire 13
Well then, I suggest you call him if you want to remain his girlfriend. It's up to you.
SeahorseGuy 7
Be glad, at least he cares if you made it home safe.
CaptainDoorknob 7
I don't think you read the next sentence of the FML.
Awkward_Science 2
I think he's both sensible and not. He is aware of the threat of extraterrestrial (no matter how small), but his biggest worry if abductions occur is who he'll date next
Kill_Kayt 5
I think you deserve it for actualy thinking he was completely serious.
Boob_fml 6
Agreed. It seems like their are a lot of FML's lately that end in "he/she was completely serious".
mzkay7 1
yah, if the dude was serious, I would check him in a nut house or at least stay far away as possible from the guy.
Xeserx 8
Call your man! Bastard!
louiserosen 4
Thats cute!!
UberNova 18
You find it cute that the boyfriend would 1. Believe that if OP did not text him, the only possible reason is that she was abducted by aliens 2. Dump OP so easily. I fail to see how this is "cute", to me it seems more "controlling" as she is being some-what forced into doing what it says (regardless of what it was that he said).
zingline89 18
At least he just asked you to let him know you were home safe rather than asking more probing questions.
melonrind 8
*Ba-dum-tiss*
klorehore 24
how could someone possibly be serious about something like that, sounds to me someone needs to pick up some sarcasm and humor skills.
abceasyas123abc 12
This is hilarious! My high school boyfriend always used to ask me to send him the obligatory text letting him know when I got home, and I always forgot. If he'd thought up the witty explanation it would have kept me on my toes. Your boy's a keeper!