Today, I was playing Monopoly with my extended family. When my wife came home, she kicked me out of the game, and took all my money and property. When I said she couldn't do that, she said, "Sure I can. It's called divorce." Everyone laughed. Now I'm bored as hell, watching everyone else play. FML

Today, my girlfriend beat me at ping pong, twenty to three. She said I let her win because I don't respect her, then stormed out of the room. I'm just really bad at ping pong. FML

Today, I came home to my fiancé and his mates playing Monopoly naked in our backyard. FML

Today, while paying for groceries, I opened my wallet to find that all my cash had been exchanged for Monopoly money. FML

Today, I was playing Monopoly with my kids. It was fun, and led to some mock fights. My neighbor, who despises me for being a single mother, used it as an excuse to call the cops on me for "abusing" my kids. They were too confused to do anything but nod at the officer's accusing questions. FML

Today, I broke up with my girlfriend, saying I had a lot on my plate. She responded by throwing an empty plate at my windshield. FML

Today, my father took revenge on me for bankrupting him in a game of Monopoly. His revenge consisted of having a truckload of sand dumped in my driveway while I was at work. FML

Today, my girlfriend came over to a family game night. Halfway through a game of Klingon Monopoly, my drunk parents started arguing because apparently, while my dad was in jail, he cheated on my mom with a Klingon whore. I doubt my girlfriend will ever visit again. FML

Thanks, I guess

Today, my ex-girlfriend came over to console me after a breakup. After beating me repeatedly in Mario Kart, she decided to leave. FML

Today, after I spent two hours trying to teach my girlfriend to play sudoku, she broke up with me, tearfully claiming that I'd made up a fake, imaginary game to make her feel stupid. FML