Today, I was driving with my mother. The ride was 2 hours long. For the first hour, she talked about how uncomfortable sex is the first time. For the second, she talked about how I should take accordion lessons. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I went out of town with my mother-in-law. I don't know what possessed her to start questioning me about her son's and my sex life. When I told her I wasn't talking about that, she began to discuss her and my father-in-law's bedroom habits. The car ride was two hours. FML
Today, my mom gave me a talk on safe sex. During a three hour car ride. With my friends in the back seat. FML
Today, I had to listen to my mom give a detailed description of her date last night to her friends via speakerphone... while I was trapped in the car with her. When I pointed out that I was still in the back seat, she scoffed and told me, "I have a sex life, deal with it." FML
Today, I went driving for the first time with my mom. When she wasn't screaming, she gave great advice like, "Stop at the red light" and "Don't crash into cars". I need to drive 50 hours with her. FML
Today, my mom tried to give me the sex talk, while I was mounting my boyfriend. FML
Today, my mom talked about how it's interesting how there's so many different size of penises. She also told me that since she's doing hormone therapy she's able to orgasm a LOT more. We were stuck in stop and go traffic for three hours. When I turned on the radio, she turned it off and talked more. FML
Today, I had to spend two hours in the car with my mother. That doesn't sound so bad until you realize she's the kind of person who can, and did, spend nearly half an hour ranting about how the Big Beautiful Woman porn niche is the root of obesity in America. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were riding in the back seat of his mom’s car and she kept talking at him non-stop. He responded only in grunts. When at some point I informed her that her son had been asleep for several minutes, she just kept on talking to him anyway. FML
Today, while driving on the streets for the first time, my mom decided that it would be an appropriate time to yell at me for every single mistake I’ve ever made in my life. This stressed me out so much I began driving against traffic. FML
Today, my mom decided to give me a solid reason for not having pre-marital sex. She told me that my future husband will want me to be tight for our first time. My mom and I were on a ski lift. The ride lasted 10 more uncomfortable minutes. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
allmidnighteyes 11
Is there some sort of connection between the two? Does she want you to serenade your partner with sweet polka jams while you two go at it?
woosah 16
to be honest though... we do need a few more according players... so. I mean, think about it at least
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (45)
allmidnighteyes 11
Is there some sort of connection between the two? Does she want you to serenade your partner with sweet polka jams while you two go at it?
atomicbaboon 0
you never know, maybe the accordion music will make the sex more comfortable.
krazy_glu3 0
I wanna know how you go from first time having sex to accordian lessons "annnnd that's pretty much how my first time was.................................... hey, so I've been thinking.. you should take accordian lessons!"
Sinkhole 26
Maybe her mother is saying that sex is so uncomfortable that she should better learn to use her fingers.
ImaginaryFoe 1
If she plays the accordion, she won't have to worry about anyone wanting to have uncomfortable sex with her? Her mum had it off with a polka musician who is OP's real father? Her fingers and arms will be so strong and nimble she can stick to handjobs and never be made uncomfortable?
RedPillSucks 33
Don't knock it. Sex with a woman who can play the accordion is great. If you can do it while playing the accordion, that's awesome.... It's like getting a ******** from a women while she's doing the ventriloquist act.
deadlyriot101 7
Romantic.
scottovious 0
Did you ask her for juicy details on how sex feels? Ask her to expand and let her feel uncomfortable...
krazy_glu3 0
OP shouldve gone off on how HER first time was.. in detail
krazy_glu3 0
I always hate car rides alone with my parents.... that's when they bust out on conversations that you don't wanna talk about.. the only way out is thru the door. and that concrete isn't gunna feel too good.
LuxAeterna_fml 0
Roads are concrete now?
doctorspaceman 0
Roads have been concrete for a very long time. Asphault is more common in most areas but there is a lot of concrete highway. you ignored the whole point of the comment for what reason again?
FYLDeep 26
She should take some "Shut the **** up" lessons.
dorkasaurusROAR 7
This made me laugh. :P
woosah 16
to be honest though... we do need a few more according players... so. I mean, think about it at least
CareFace 16
She's got a sick accordion fetish. She wants to make all the sounds instead of moaning. (the mother).
TrollsHaveSouls 0
is it just me or did anyone get a boner and cream?
ktdad07 0
It was just you... until I read your comment.
TheFlyingMan 8
agevdhgtwvyuyhf. That's me cleaning my keyboard,
MissBunny25 0
hahahahaha ^^^ that made me laugh so hard xD
tarvinwashere 0
BAHAHAHAHA! Accordions make anything funny :D
thisisLAUREN 0
I find the accordeon awesome. people who can play it have talent. not like your generic guitarist.
doctorspaceman 0
I love how three people misspelled accordion three different ways. Sorry OP, that sucks. FYL
BeccaBoo2010 9
Hahaha, win