Today, I woke up to my friend stroking my face with the bottom of his foot and whispering, "Shh, you're okay." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was sleeping with my boyfriend and woke up in his arms to hear him say "Mom, Mom." FML
Today, I was giving my boyfriend a foot massage. I learned that his feet are ticklish when he kicked me in the face. FML
Today, I went to watch a movie. In the middle of it, I accidentally fell asleep. Minutes later, I awoke on a stranger's shoulder. He was caressing my hair. FML
Today, I tried to put my friend's hand in lukewarm water while he was sleeping, to see if he'd pee himself. He woke up and punched me in the face. FML
Today, I was woken up by my dog touching my foot, so I tried to push it away. Then I realized that I'd kicked my girlfriend in the face. FML
Today, I got a massage. Just as I was starting to relax, the massage therapist drooled on my face. FML
Today, I woke up to somebody shaking my shoulder. I had slept over at a friend's house, so I assumed my friend was just fooling around. With my head under the pillow, I swung my hand at his face then gave him the finger. Turns out, my friend left for basketball and I had slept in. It was his mom. FML
Today, I was awoken by my wife patting my head and talking in her sleep, asking, "Who is this? Who am I touching?" She then rolled over and farted on me. FML
Today, I woke up my girlfriend up with a cute kiss. She was apparently having a bad dream and headbutted me. FML
Today, I told my boyfriend about my foot phobia. To help me "get over it", he took his socks off, pinned me down, and rubbed his foot against my face until I started sobbing. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
\ 28
(toe enters mouth) "Didn't mean to wake you." (moves foot away) -Glenn Quagmire
SharnaaaBanana 22
Oh alright, that's interesting.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (69)
SharnaaaBanana 22
Oh alright, that's interesting.
AbstraktThoughts 13
If that's not creepy as ****, I don't know what is.
Demonfish 14
Well, seeing as you asked: waking up to a random guy screaming the lion sleeps tonight, in a banana suit, while furiously masterbating. That would be pretty damn creepy.
NeoMatrix25 12
17 - I think I know a guy like that downtown.
182yellowgreen41 10
People can be weird. I woke up to my friend sniffing my ear one day
negb 30
True friendship right there
Abbbiiieeeeeeeee 16
I'm so curious as to what you did in response to this 0.0
groovycrazyjoe 18
I stop reading after stroking face with bottom
guitardude69 11
He posted an fml
\ 28
(toe enters mouth) "Didn't mean to wake you." (moves foot away) -Glenn Quagmire
B5B0N35 18
Giggity
\ 28
...on another tangent, I still think "The Cleveland Show" is a joke. If anyone was to have his own spin-off series, it should've been Quagmire. My $0.02
TheRandomIndian 17
12 just go watch ****.
RpiesSPIES 27
#12 This is the U.S., Quagmire having a spin-off series wouldn't (or couldn't) be broadcasted here. Also, I feel the same about The Cleveland Show.
Danielle7994 18
Oh 18, I get it lol. At first I was like "...What the hell made you think of ****?". But after reading it more than once and then remembering how perverted Quagmire is, I was like "Ahh... I see how that's relevent to 12's proposal."
PiNkMoOn 9
i would've killed him!
ileenefudge 29
Why resort to violence?
patrickalamo 48
This is why many sleep with a gun under their pillow
Zen_Mei 17
#38 or with one eye open!
monnanon 14
gripping their pillow tight!
RedPillSucks 33
That's typically so you don't wake up with someones dick in your ass.
B5B0N35 18
WHas it supposed to be soothing??
CrissyyyS2 22
Foot job anyone?
\ 28
Wow, way to reveal our hidden fetishes, #6.
alstbv12 13
*checks for over 18* Yes please.
interesting33 37
What is a foot job?
Faff 20
a job for your foot.
Zen_Mei 17
#39 It involves shoving a foot up your arse
RedPillSucks 33
Either massaging someones foot, or someone using their feet to give you a ********. I'm afraid to use google or urban dictionary after the "blue waffles", "2 girls, one cup", and "two men, one horse" incidents.
CrissyyyS2 22
Have you ever had a "spotted dick"?
CrissyyyS2 22
^comment was for 55 : thought since you knew what a blue waffle was... Maybe you'd know what a spotted dick was. Yes yes... It sounds really... It's just a dish.
Amy3 5
That's creepy O.O
evilraider 5
Think about it.. It could have been worse he could have been stroking with something else
Zen_Mei 17
And that 'something else' could have slipped into your mouth
kkows25 10
bahaha
fsomelife 26
A time to literally interpret the phrase "go break a leg." Someone else's leg. Off. But I am a bit curious about how he was standing.
brittlehorn20 21
The FML doesn't say he was standing.
fsomelife 26
If he was lying down, I think this would've been a very different FML.
theworldismad 10
most people have 2 legs. it isn't that hard to stand on one leg while lifting your other leg to bed height
aaronh212 6
Her? What FML are you reading? Apparently not the same one as me.