Today, my boyfriend laid his head on my bare chest and said, "You're like my mother." FML

Today, I woke up to my boyfriend making breakfast. I thought he was making it for me, so I sat at the table. When he walked over with his plate, he said, "Oh, I didn't know you were here!" I'd slept in the same bed with him last night. FML

Today, I woke up to a stranger in my bed. Just as my parents responded to my screaming, I remembered that I'd helped my boyfriend sneak in through my window last night. FML

Today, I woke up at my boyfriend's place with grumbling stomach pains. I left him in bed to go have explosive diarrhea in the bathroom next to his room. When I was done, I came back to bed and snuggled in next to his sleeping body. He rolled over to whisper, "I heard everything." FML

Today, I was in my bedroom with my boyfriend and we were kissing. My mom then came into my room and started shouting at my boyfriend for cheating on her. FML

Today, I discovered that I sometimes talk in my sleep. After spending an amazing, perfectly romantic night with my boyfriend, I woke up to him telling me to leave. I have no idea what I could have said. He still won't talk to me. FML

Today, I woke up, rolled over, and kissed the boy who was peacefully sleeping next to me, cheerfully saying, "Good morning, baby!" That boy is my dog. FML

Serial killer vibes

Today, I woke up to my boyfriend making the bed, at 2 AM. And he wasn't so much making the bed as he was holding a pillow while lost in thought, looking at me. FML

Not a morning person

Today, I was woken up by the sound of someone in my room. I started freaking out, thinking someone had broken in, so I kicked them, only to realise it was my boyfriend coming back from the toilet. I'd forgotten he was staying over. FML

Today, at four in the morning, I was asleep with my boyfriend beside me. I started yelling at him in my sleep and broke up with him. When I woke up, he was gone. FML