Today, I woke up to my balls covered in Icy Hot, a big old "fuck you" note from my girlfriend, and my door slamming shut. I'm starting to get the distinct impression I shouldn't have made that off-hand remark last night about her PMSing, after she rage-quit a game of Mario Kart. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my female room-mate decided to throw away my xbox, along with a few other possessions because they reminded her of her ex. Furiously, I asked her if "it was that time of the month again." Now I can't feel my balls, and miss my games. FML
Today, I sent my girlfriend a nice "Good morning" text after I woke up. Then I found a paper note stuck to my bedroom door, in which she broke up with me. FML
Today, I get the feeling my wife is mad at me. I have no evidence to support this, except she ran me a bath with a bath bomb and a shit load of chilli powder, so like I say, no hard evidence except the excruciating burning in my asshole, peehole, ballsack, nostril and eyes. FML
Today, I woke up, thinking it was going to be a good day. However, when I looked at my phone, I saw that my girlfriend had sent me an obscene number of angry messages, which are still coming in, because I forgot to say goodnight to her last night. FML
Today, I woke up to a gift from my boyfriend: a Playboy magazine with a Post-It note that said, "Just a reminder that you're easily replaceable." I think he's still mad at me for beating him on X-box. FML
Today, my psycho ex girlfriend got up in my face after I dumped her. She said I'm going to pay and that one day, when I think I'm safe and happy, my joy will turn to ash in my mouth. When I pointed out she'd just ripped off a Game of Thrones quote, she kneed me in the balls. FML
Today, I entered my bedroom, ready to play some COD on my xbox 360. Instead, I find a note where my xbox used to be. It read "You think you can cheat on me and get away with it? Fuck you. I smashed the hell out of your stupid xbox." It was signed by my girlfriend. I never cheated on her. FML
Today, my ex-girlfriend came over to console me after a breakup. After beating me repeatedly in Mario Kart, she decided to leave. FML
Today, my girlfriend came over to my place unannounced. She slapped me in the face, said, "You son of a bitch." and stormed off. I have no idea what that was for. FML
Today, I was playing Mario Kart with my wife. I threw a blue shell and it hit her. She then refused to speak to me for three hours straight until right before bedtime when she called me a bastard and told me to sleep on the couch. FML
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Top comments
Paco_el_Taco 17
At least she didn't shoot a blue shell of doom at you.
iOceanus 18
Especially when playing Mario Kart. Mario Kart is a serious matter!!
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Comments (268)
boredblonde 17
You are a dumbass
krylonpony 3
Learn to FML please. :D have nice day now.
sammisweets93 12
It's bitches like this that give PMS a bad name.... It's like the saying all guys r douche bags. Not true
nnnope 26
Since when has anyone of any gender looked at PMS fondly...?
sammisweets93 12
Pms means pre menstral syndrome.... So it's never looked as good because people put it like it's bad.... All I'm saying is not all people r piss pots before or on their periods it's just an excuse.
nnnope 26
I'm pretty familiar with PMS, being a 21-year-old female. You said it made PMS look bad. But like, I've never heard of anyone ever defining it as "good" or "fun."
sammisweets93 12
You aren't getting my point.......my point is it shouldn't be looked at that way same way all guys shouldn't be looked at like douchebags.
unknown_user5566 27
Your username speaks volumes about your maturity, OP.
unknown_user5566 27
I just realized that you must be a VERY heavy sleeper, OP. How did you not wake up while she was applying Icy Hot to your most sensitive body part?
Sinkhole 26
Where do you get that the scrotum is the most sensitive body part? You would think that fingertips and lips are way higher on the list, sensitivity-wise.
ks23 9
I'm not a guy but if I was I would much rather be kicked in the finger tips than in the balls
Shrike 24
^ She's talking about general sensitivity, not how easily blunt-force trauma to the area will cripple you. Subtle difference. P.S. The scrotum isn't the same thing as the testicles.
perdix 31
#40, you are definitely a girl. To give you some perspective, the sensitivity of the testicles is about that of your eyeball. The scrotum is the bag that holds the testicles, and Icy Hot on that would be about the worst external body part to get it on.
Sinkhole 26
As Shrike (and even you) said, the testicles are not the same thing as the scrotum. I'm not even talking about the Icy Hot. I'm saying that there are more sensitive parts. Other body parts have more receptor cells than the scrotum.
nnnope 26
The scrotum is not the most sensitive part of the male body (ask any guy with a hafada piercing). I guarantee it would've hurt worse if she applied it directly to his dick.
unknown_user5566 27
Sinkhole, you're right, there are more body parts that are technically more sensitive. I was just thinking that area would likely be the most painful choice for an Icy Hot application.
Sinkhole 26
The glans penis would probably be worse.
perdix 31
#81, While you're in the neighborhood, jam a big glob of the stuff in his asshole. That'll **** him up good. Remind me not to date you.
poindexter25 5
Your username is what's about to happen my friend
jazzmancarron 11
you got some serious balls to say that, but not enough brains to keep it to yourself. either way, icy hot to the balls is grounds for dumping her.
FlyingPie 17
Telling a woman she has PMS just isn't something you should do, period.
tsent8 15
I see what you did there.
lilhellian 27
I can not stand period jokes, they're almost as bad as cripple jokes.
saksxalmo 20
Lolwut? I didn't realize having a period was a disability. Are you being sarcastic? I'm not seeing it...
tsent8 15
It's not her fault bowsers castle pisses me off too.
ThatChick151 2
..them hormones.
tsent8 15
She may be hot but she can be so ******* icy.