Today, I woke up to my balls covered in Icy Hot, a big old "fuck you" note from my girlfriend, and my door slamming shut. I'm starting to get the distinct impression I shouldn't have made that off-hand remark last night about her PMSing, after she rage-quit a game of Mario Kart. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my female room-mate decided to throw away my xbox, along with a few other possessions because they reminded her of her ex. Furiously, I asked her if "it was that time of the month again." Now I can't feel my balls, and miss my games. FML
Today, I sent my girlfriend a nice "Good morning" text after I woke up. Then I found a paper note stuck to my bedroom door, in which she broke up with me. FML
Today, I get the feeling my wife is mad at me. I have no evidence to support this, except she ran me a bath with a bath bomb and a shit load of chilli powder, so like I say, no hard evidence except the excruciating burning in my asshole, peehole, ballsack, nostril and eyes. FML
Today, I woke up, thinking it was going to be a good day. However, when I looked at my phone, I saw that my girlfriend had sent me an obscene number of angry messages, which are still coming in, because I forgot to say goodnight to her last night. FML
Today, I woke up to a gift from my boyfriend: a Playboy magazine with a Post-It note that said, "Just a reminder that you're easily replaceable." I think he's still mad at me for beating him on X-box. FML
Today, my psycho ex girlfriend got up in my face after I dumped her. She said I'm going to pay and that one day, when I think I'm safe and happy, my joy will turn to ash in my mouth. When I pointed out she'd just ripped off a Game of Thrones quote, she kneed me in the balls. FML
Today, I entered my bedroom, ready to play some COD on my xbox 360. Instead, I find a note where my xbox used to be. It read "You think you can cheat on me and get away with it? Fuck you. I smashed the hell out of your stupid xbox." It was signed by my girlfriend. I never cheated on her. FML
Today, my ex-girlfriend came over to console me after a breakup. After beating me repeatedly in Mario Kart, she decided to leave. FML
Today, my girlfriend came over to my place unannounced. She slapped me in the face, said, "You son of a bitch." and stormed off. I have no idea what that was for. FML
Today, I was playing Mario Kart with my wife. I threw a blue shell and it hit her. She then refused to speak to me for three hours straight until right before bedtime when she called me a bastard and told me to sleep on the couch. FML
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Top comments
Paco_el_Taco 17
At least she didn't shoot a blue shell of doom at you.
iOceanus 18
Especially when playing Mario Kart. Mario Kart is a serious matter!!
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Comments (268)
viper8608 9
bitches be crazy
MindFreakazoid 10
Must've been Rainbow Road, man. That level makes everyone cray-cray. Yeah. I said cray-cray.
mvc3ftw 17
No,that's the boardwalk before the rainbow road.always kept falling into the water.
dabeast15 7
Wow.... Ur name op.
Looee 20
Be grateful that she only used icy hot and didn't just chop them off.
la_puta_madre 4
True that
annie_nk 23
Although OP might consider chopping them off just to make the pain go away. Icy Hot hurts even on normal areas like back, shoulders, etc.
CharresBarkrey 16
143 - Icy Hot shouldn't hurt on areas you're supposed to use it on.
annie_nk 23
159 - Hurt as in extreme sensations of both hot and cold.
FlyingPie 17
She seems to be nuts. You had some balls for saying what you said.
fuzz97 23
SO PUNNY
FlavorlessPie 7
I'm just replying because of our usernames. Hello, my evil twin.
bettykooler 7
"Had" being key word
FlyingPie 17
Hello, evil twin. ;)
ICastillo 25
Dude you never tell anybody anything after losing Mario Kart. That game pisses every body off especially rainbow road.
lostcrazydiamond 10
Icy no reason why you should have said that... Then again, her reaction was hot tempered.
sheethapins 13
That was a cold way to treat someone. I know his comment must have burned her, if they had gone to their pad and talked it out, they both may have seen less red. Bloody hell, people...
sheethapins 13
Look at the bright side, if you were experiencing muscle pains there, problem solved. :D
answeryourphone 3
I'm curious to see how the icy hot felt....
ICastillo 25
I've had icy hot on my balls before....don't ask, it doesn't feel good at all man it's like having fire on your balls.
xNephilim 19
My friend put icy hot on his penis on purpose...
ICastillo 25
Did you watch him to make sure he didn't lie? Just wondering
annie_nk 23
A guy friend told me he used Icy Hot to ********** because that was all he had at the time.
thatonename 7
Your friend either lied or is tougher than chuck Norris. Idk anyone who could finish with that pain going on.
tsent8 15
I did it on a dare once felt horrible. Still finished.
sammisweets93 12
it's bitches like this that give PMS a bad name. Just like all guys r douchebags, not all girls r insane.
winkydog4056 16
You're a very lucky man that all dangling thngs are still attached....she got you off easy.
nnnope 26
I don't think she's 'getting him off' any time soon by any definition.