Today, I woke up to my balls covered in Icy Hot, a big old "fuck you" note from my girlfriend, and my door slamming shut. I'm starting to get the distinct impression I shouldn't have made that off-hand remark last night about her PMSing, after she rage-quit a game of Mario Kart. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my female room-mate decided to throw away my xbox, along with a few other possessions because they reminded her of her ex. Furiously, I asked her if "it was that time of the month again." Now I can't feel my balls, and miss my games. FML
Today, I sent my girlfriend a nice "Good morning" text after I woke up. Then I found a paper note stuck to my bedroom door, in which she broke up with me. FML
Today, I get the feeling my wife is mad at me. I have no evidence to support this, except she ran me a bath with a bath bomb and a shit load of chilli powder, so like I say, no hard evidence except the excruciating burning in my asshole, peehole, ballsack, nostril and eyes. FML
Today, I woke up, thinking it was going to be a good day. However, when I looked at my phone, I saw that my girlfriend had sent me an obscene number of angry messages, which are still coming in, because I forgot to say goodnight to her last night. FML
Today, I woke up to a gift from my boyfriend: a Playboy magazine with a Post-It note that said, "Just a reminder that you're easily replaceable." I think he's still mad at me for beating him on X-box. FML
Today, my psycho ex girlfriend got up in my face after I dumped her. She said I'm going to pay and that one day, when I think I'm safe and happy, my joy will turn to ash in my mouth. When I pointed out she'd just ripped off a Game of Thrones quote, she kneed me in the balls. FML
Today, I entered my bedroom, ready to play some COD on my xbox 360. Instead, I find a note where my xbox used to be. It read "You think you can cheat on me and get away with it? Fuck you. I smashed the hell out of your stupid xbox." It was signed by my girlfriend. I never cheated on her. FML
Today, my ex-girlfriend came over to console me after a breakup. After beating me repeatedly in Mario Kart, she decided to leave. FML
Today, my girlfriend came over to my place unannounced. She slapped me in the face, said, "You son of a bitch." and stormed off. I have no idea what that was for. FML
Today, I was playing Mario Kart with my wife. I threw a blue shell and it hit her. She then refused to speak to me for three hours straight until right before bedtime when she called me a bastard and told me to sleep on the couch. FML
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Top comments
Paco_el_Taco 17
At least she didn't shoot a blue shell of doom at you.
iOceanus 18
Especially when playing Mario Kart. Mario Kart is a serious matter!!
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Comments (268)
SoylentCandycorn 10
Blurgh, second time my comment went to the bottom instead of the replies.
Svengalien 3
Time of the month or not, I dunno how long it will take some guys to figure out that needlessly antagonizing their girlfriends with these misogynistic and cliche remarks is gonna end badly.
SoylentCandycorn 10
Women accuse each other of "being on the rag" or say things like "must be that time of the month" all the time. "PMSing" is also used by both genders to describe freaking out in general. Is it an n words privileges thing?
Levvy 22
"End badly". I like that. Like she wasn't in control of her actions, as though it were just some kind of inevitable, uncontrollable outcome of the situation in which she has no responsibility. Hm. Sounds a little misogynistic, that. How ironic.
nyxiny 22
While it's a jerk move to say something like that, you don't deserve that kind of response. First off, she ragequit. Secondly, what kind of crazy bitch does that? Seriously. Please note that I am a woman.
winkydog4056 16
Girlfriend is agreeing with OP. She IS PMSing.....she's Putting up with (Her) Man's Shit. Period. The End.
winterlies 8
Wow... She needs a major chill pill, and I oh so adore how instantly women acuse men of being a misogynist simply by making a PMS joke. Girls do it as well, but it's okay because they don't have a dick, is that right?
Levvy 22
Not that PMS jokes are a big deal exactly, but, well... yeah, your sarcastic rhetorical question kinda hits the nail on the head, actually. In-group vs. out-group humor. It's a thing humans do. Get used to it.
Levvy 22
I should probably qualify that "inappropriate joke" is not remotely proportionate to "tormenting people with chemicals", in case that was at all ambiguous.
funnyfails1 13
At least they're burning and not chopped off.
slapsface 10
Haters gonna hate!
Elendil_fml 10
I know your pain, brother. I tried to use BenGay as lube when I was 13.
at0micmin3r 23
OP doesn't deserve it. Crazy girl needs to GET OVER HERSELF. IT'S MARIO KART, NOT THE END OF THE WORLD. FYL... And so what if she was PMSing? Learn to control it, lassies! JS.
awkwardpenguin1 3
Being a girl myself, yeah that's a big no no. But if she acted like that... She must be