Today, I woke up to my balls covered in Icy Hot, a big old "fuck you" note from my girlfriend, and my door slamming shut. I'm starting to get the distinct impression I shouldn't have made that off-hand remark last night about her PMSing, after she rage-quit a game of Mario Kart. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my female room-mate decided to throw away my xbox, along with a few other possessions because they reminded her of her ex. Furiously, I asked her if "it was that time of the month again." Now I can't feel my balls, and miss my games. FML
Today, I sent my girlfriend a nice "Good morning" text after I woke up. Then I found a paper note stuck to my bedroom door, in which she broke up with me. FML
Today, I get the feeling my wife is mad at me. I have no evidence to support this, except she ran me a bath with a bath bomb and a shit load of chilli powder, so like I say, no hard evidence except the excruciating burning in my asshole, peehole, ballsack, nostril and eyes. FML
Today, I woke up, thinking it was going to be a good day. However, when I looked at my phone, I saw that my girlfriend had sent me an obscene number of angry messages, which are still coming in, because I forgot to say goodnight to her last night. FML
Today, I woke up to a gift from my boyfriend: a Playboy magazine with a Post-It note that said, "Just a reminder that you're easily replaceable." I think he's still mad at me for beating him on X-box. FML
Today, my psycho ex girlfriend got up in my face after I dumped her. She said I'm going to pay and that one day, when I think I'm safe and happy, my joy will turn to ash in my mouth. When I pointed out she'd just ripped off a Game of Thrones quote, she kneed me in the balls. FML
Today, I entered my bedroom, ready to play some COD on my xbox 360. Instead, I find a note where my xbox used to be. It read "You think you can cheat on me and get away with it? Fuck you. I smashed the hell out of your stupid xbox." It was signed by my girlfriend. I never cheated on her. FML
Today, my ex-girlfriend came over to console me after a breakup. After beating me repeatedly in Mario Kart, she decided to leave. FML
Today, my girlfriend came over to my place unannounced. She slapped me in the face, said, "You son of a bitch." and stormed off. I have no idea what that was for. FML
Today, I was playing Mario Kart with my wife. I threw a blue shell and it hit her. She then refused to speak to me for three hours straight until right before bedtime when she called me a bastard and told me to sleep on the couch. FML
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Top comments
Paco_el_Taco 17
At least she didn't shoot a blue shell of doom at you.
iOceanus 18
Especially when playing Mario Kart. Mario Kart is a serious matter!!
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Comments (268)
zuelhater 7
That's a new level of pain right their!! OUCH
noisebox 1
You could end the insanity by just living solo and just dating ms Palmer.....
thejust666 6
She was'nt using Yoshi, was she?, lol
KiddNYC1O 22
I've tried it on my penis(don't ask). It's actually a neat sensation.
Ally156 5
What's Icy Hot??
EST4LIFE 3
Bitches be trippin
linnie_wesker 20
YDI. There's more to women than their menstrual cycles. I hate how every single time I'm irritated or pissed off or whatever everyone is automatically like, "What, are you on your period?" No, moron, shockingly I can feel angry even if my ****** isn't bleeding.
Levvy 22
So, one offhand comment is the same thing as thinking that there is nothing to an entire half of the population but their menstrual cycles? Leaping to conclusions like that doesn't do you any favors in terms of NOT looking emotionally hair-trigger.
ratorr2 23
This is one time I wish I could hit both buttons. On one hand you kind of deserved it for saying that. On the other hand she went way overboard.
SoylentCandycorn 10
Not PMS. Sounds like she's just an asshole.
SoylentCandycorn 10
Restraint and not being a psycho. His girlfriend should try some.