Today, my psycho ex girlfriend got up in my face after I dumped her. She said I'm going to pay and that one day, when I think I'm safe and happy, my joy will turn to ash in my mouth. When I pointed out she'd just ripped off a Game of Thrones quote, she kneed me in the balls. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, after breaking up with my girlfriend of two years over the phone, I got a knock on my door. It was my now ex-girlfriend who came to seek revenge by shooting me in the balls with a paintball gun at about a three-foot range. FML
Today, my psycho ex crashed a date with my girlfriend. She acted like we were still together and made a big show of dumping me for cheating on her. My actual girlfriend bought it hook line and sinker. Now I'm single again. FML
Today, after a week of intense fighting, my girlfriend of 4 years and I hung out. She told me she loved me, and I pointed out that last week she said she was going to dump me. Without missing a beat, she replied, "Only to scare you into submission." FML
Today, I told my girlfriend that I'm breaking up with her because she's very abusive. After a couple of seconds of awkward silence, she kicked me in the nuts and ran away. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I got into a huge fight. She kicked me out of the apartment and told me to never come back. Devastated, I waited outside of the apartment door for hours, hoping she'd reconsider. I ended up falling asleep. I woke up to her foot stomping on me, screaming, "I meant it!" FML
Today, I found out that my girlfriend still hangs out with her "abusive, violent, psychotic, misogynistic, manipulative" ex. I told her to block him and she pitched a mega tantrum. Now I'm single again. FML
Today, my psycho ex showed up at my doorstep to beg me to take her back, so I pulled my gun on her. I just found out she's pressing charges. FML
Today, I spotted my girlfriend in a store. She didn't notice me, so I went behind her, put my hands over her eyes, and said "Guess who." I got an elbow to the groin and mace to the face. While I was rolling on the ground in pain, she simply said, "Serves you right" and walked away. FML
Today, I woke up to my balls covered in Icy Hot, a big old "fuck you" note from my girlfriend, and my door slamming shut. I'm starting to get the distinct impression I shouldn't have made that off-hand remark last night about her PMSing, after she rage-quit a game of Mario Kart. FML
Today, my girlfriend punched me in the face, then broke up with me because apparently she'd proved that I’m a pussy who won’t stand up for myself or fight back if attacked, so if we were robbed on the street, she wouldn’t trust me to protect her. What kind of logic is this? Good riddance, psycho. FML
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Top comments
ryannmichael 17
Then you'll know the debt is paid ??
pastel_fml 18
She must relate to the nastiness that is Cersei at the very least with that quote.
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Comments (69)
ryannmichael 17
Then you'll know the debt is paid ??
joe3_fml 15
A Lannister always pays his debts.
muzy 23
If I were you I'd sleep with one eye open, for the night is dark and full of terror...
miianah1 22
The Lannisters send their regards.
pastel_fml 18
She must relate to the nastiness that is Cersei at the very least with that quote.
thisguy22 33
Wasn't it Tyrion who said that?
Amama_fml 30
Yeah, Tyrion said it to Cersei
Oblivion239 21
That was rather quick of her. At least now you don't have to worry.
Googolman 29
At least you realised it was a quote... otherwise it would have been kind of creepy.
imkool136 22
Choose trial by battle
Frechy 24
*combat
Kurby14 21
watch out OP. who knows what ideas she got from watching the show :/
SolarLunix 21
This would be a good time to move and change your name. You already called her psycho and lonely desperate girls only get worse!
gte225 11
People, not just women
jay_south 19
Just be careful at any future weddings.
muzy 23
The *insert ex's surname* send their regards!
nutellacake 12
Calling your ex a "psycho" tells me that you're probably an idiot and she's probably a normal person. And it's a good quote, you should know not to be a smartass after pissing someone off, ydi.
whassallt26 13
Could've just turned around to her and said "you know nothing, psycho bitch"