Today, I woke up to a loud crashing in the middle of the night. I went to investigate, but found nothing amiss. Nothing except an axe firmly wedged in my front door, that is. It's safe to say that I have no clue who did it, and that I needed a fresh pair of underwear. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, someone broke into my house and stole all of my underwear. FML
Today, my house got broken into. Thankfully, they didn't steal anything. They did, however, move things around into strange places and mess up my underwear. I have severe OCD, so this is probably worse than if they had taken everything. FML
Today, when I got up for work, I went into the bathroom and saw a coat hanger sitting in the crack of the window. I had a panic attack, thinking someone had tried to break in and grabbed a knife. I ran into the room where my boyfriend was sleeping and he said he put it there. FML
Today, I woke up to a loud bang. Thinking someone had broken in, I grabbed my hunting knife and ran downstairs, only to find my TV on the floor, completely destroyed, and my cat casually sitting next to it without a care in the world. FML
Today, I was doing laundry when my downstairs neighbour knocked on my door and handed me some knickers. Apparently, it had flown off the clothesline and landed on his head while he was sweeping outside. FML
Today, I experienced the fright of a lifetime when I woke up and heard my bedroom door opening. Fearing that there was an intruder, I picked up a bat and opened the door, ready to whack the mystery intruder. There was no one there. No one, except my cat, who apparently knows how to open doors now. FML
Today, I woke up on the couch and realized I had fallen asleep while doing laundry. Ran to the laundry room, and found all my clothes gone. I really wish I hadn't been doing a load of all my pants. FML
Today, I woke up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom. I was there with the lights out when something ran across my foot. I freaked out, tried to kick it off, and ended up smashing my foot into the side of the tub. FML
Today, I was woken at 4 a.m. by the sounds of someone crashing down the stairs. I scrambled out, still half-asleep, to find out that nobody was in an agonized heap at the bottom. The walls are so thin in my house that I could hear the neighbour falling down HIS stairs. FML
Today, someone knocked on my door. I yelled "Yeah?" while getting up, since it was locked. My grandpa walked in, as I apparently didn't actually lock it. I was naked. FML
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Top comments
Welshite 40
Here's Johnny!
firebirds118 11
"Officer, somebody embedded an axe in my door and then peed in my underwear"
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Comments (108)
Welshite 40
Here's Johnny!
DREAMCATCHERoooo 4
At least OP has the axe now.
ohnowhyme123 15
Time to move!
ebonyirony 29
And my axe!
incoherentrmblr 22
In addition, it also reminds me of the Dane Cook joke about the guy kicking in doors, only much more interesting.
tiernang 21
you might want to very calmly RUN!
euphoricness 28
I think OP needs to 'axe' the neighborhood if they have seen any suspicious!
patchesOhoolihan 12
#25 LEAVE NOW.
Dawnstempest 17
@ 19 Not a lot of people go around randomly embedding them into other peoples' doors either...
NeighSoulSister 6
25- It would've been better if you didn't put axe in quotations.
mydadpulledout 17
I wouldn't mind a follow up on this one, just to know the guy is still alive
StillUsesMyspace 22
Expect an axe in your front door 25
whitetiger13131 26
holy shit!
ballplaya52 10
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Man up bro
kumarina 35
How would you react to an axe in your door? What's the manly reaction according to you??
gc327072 31
By tearing his shirt off, picking up the axe, and beating his chest whilst doing his best wolf howl, obviously. That's the only manly way to handle situations such as these.
ptoka 20
Nah, based off the comment I think #4 would run head first into said axe.
strike2867 13
"Sweet, a free Axe!!! Thank you whoever you are, my old one was getting dull from overuse!"
gingaa96 18
Guys don't be mean to #4 anymore... I think you all should just bury the hatchet
HKCgrimmjow 15
Gingaa I admired the effort. You get a thumbs up from me!
coried91 28
70- There's a button for that.
firebirds118 11
"Officer, somebody embedded an axe in my door and then peed in my underwear"
LizetteBerenice 22
Ask around, maybe someone saw who did it
Evilpirate 10
Someone must've been sitting on their front porch in the middle of the night watching who did it ...
Redoxx_fml 22
It's Sweden, any one of the millions of Vikings could have done it
challan 19
Santa's on bath salts! no longer here to give us presents, just to eat our faces!
Lilxpie 18
He sees you when you're sleeping. He knows when you're awake. He knows if you have been bad or good. Sounds like the start of a story of a stalker.
blackonblight 33
The face eater wasn't actually on bath salts. Bath salts tends to involve naked most of the time. Naked and paranoid. At least based on the news stories I've heard.
JtPv 14
Actually, in the old myths there was a sorta...antisanta that would punish the naughty kids. He looked like the ******* devil. .-.
lexiana 11
Krampus!
Caitie_kid 8
Zombie Clause!!
awkwardloveannie 28
don't forget you might need a new door
allie2590 31
Nah, duct tape fixes everything.
SkyGuy32 17
Also, I think that it would be cool to have a story to tell whenever someone visits your house.
strike2867 13
If someone told me they "heard a loud nose and there was an axe in their door" I'm not sure I'd come back to visit them a second time.
Bree12345 15
Someone obviously had an axe to grind with you.
why57why 21
That's very punny da da da cha!
perdix 31
You should axe around to see in anyone saw something. Be knife, it'll give you an edge in getting your point across.
Mr_retardo 8
GTFO fucktard
SkyGuy32 17
gtfo is right.... jackass
cecm2106x 6
#12 just go...
arandomusernameaa 20
You can't tell perdix to go! if you don't like him then you should leave!
Brightbulb 40
No one tells perdix to go, its like telling docbastard to be nice. I think you're the one that needs to leave
TumblrAndStuff 14
Get out