Today, I woke up to a loud crashing in the middle of the night. I went to investigate, but found nothing amiss. Nothing except an axe firmly wedged in my front door, that is. It's safe to say that I have no clue who did it, and that I needed a fresh pair of underwear. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, someone broke into my house and stole all of my underwear. FML
Today, my house got broken into. Thankfully, they didn't steal anything. They did, however, move things around into strange places and mess up my underwear. I have severe OCD, so this is probably worse than if they had taken everything. FML
Today, when I got up for work, I went into the bathroom and saw a coat hanger sitting in the crack of the window. I had a panic attack, thinking someone had tried to break in and grabbed a knife. I ran into the room where my boyfriend was sleeping and he said he put it there. FML
Today, I woke up to a loud bang. Thinking someone had broken in, I grabbed my hunting knife and ran downstairs, only to find my TV on the floor, completely destroyed, and my cat casually sitting next to it without a care in the world. FML
Today, I was doing laundry when my downstairs neighbour knocked on my door and handed me some knickers. Apparently, it had flown off the clothesline and landed on his head while he was sweeping outside. FML
Today, I experienced the fright of a lifetime when I woke up and heard my bedroom door opening. Fearing that there was an intruder, I picked up a bat and opened the door, ready to whack the mystery intruder. There was no one there. No one, except my cat, who apparently knows how to open doors now. FML
Today, I woke up on the couch and realized I had fallen asleep while doing laundry. Ran to the laundry room, and found all my clothes gone. I really wish I hadn't been doing a load of all my pants. FML
Today, I woke up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom. I was there with the lights out when something ran across my foot. I freaked out, tried to kick it off, and ended up smashing my foot into the side of the tub. FML
Today, I was woken at 4 a.m. by the sounds of someone crashing down the stairs. I scrambled out, still half-asleep, to find out that nobody was in an agonized heap at the bottom. The walls are so thin in my house that I could hear the neighbour falling down HIS stairs. FML
Today, someone knocked on my door. I yelled "Yeah?" while getting up, since it was locked. My grandpa walked in, as I apparently didn't actually lock it. I was naked. FML
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Top comments
Welshite 40
Here's Johnny!
firebirds118 11
"Officer, somebody embedded an axe in my door and then peed in my underwear"
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Comments (108)
Cartruck10 3
If u can own 1 I suggest getting a home defence weapon (gun)
bme1993 7
by any chance do you live in a Christmas tree?
likemice 6
I think you've a bigger problem than little pee.
TooFuckinFunny 3
The fact that you're on FML instead of packing...
JoBHarvelle 7
Obviously Tom Hanniger found a new place to call "Harmony".
thiswhitey 13
while they're on here, someone who stuck an axe in their door is out there..
phreaker913 21
When life gives you an axe, best not to ask questions. Place it in your zombie survival kit and treat it as a win
Fuzy2K 7
Little pig, Little p-- Oh, I got the wrong house...
amisenho 11
You just had to be located in Sweden when this happened. The stereotypes are getting ridiculous!
KittyHawkMarch 29
People are ******* nuts.