Today, I woke up to a loud crashing in the middle of the night. I went to investigate, but found nothing amiss. Nothing except an axe firmly wedged in my front door, that is. It's safe to say that I have no clue who did it, and that I needed a fresh pair of underwear. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, someone broke into my house and stole all of my underwear. FML
Today, my house got broken into. Thankfully, they didn't steal anything. They did, however, move things around into strange places and mess up my underwear. I have severe OCD, so this is probably worse than if they had taken everything. FML
Today, when I got up for work, I went into the bathroom and saw a coat hanger sitting in the crack of the window. I had a panic attack, thinking someone had tried to break in and grabbed a knife. I ran into the room where my boyfriend was sleeping and he said he put it there. FML
Today, I woke up to a loud bang. Thinking someone had broken in, I grabbed my hunting knife and ran downstairs, only to find my TV on the floor, completely destroyed, and my cat casually sitting next to it without a care in the world. FML
Today, I was doing laundry when my downstairs neighbour knocked on my door and handed me some knickers. Apparently, it had flown off the clothesline and landed on his head while he was sweeping outside. FML
Today, I experienced the fright of a lifetime when I woke up and heard my bedroom door opening. Fearing that there was an intruder, I picked up a bat and opened the door, ready to whack the mystery intruder. There was no one there. No one, except my cat, who apparently knows how to open doors now. FML
Today, I woke up on the couch and realized I had fallen asleep while doing laundry. Ran to the laundry room, and found all my clothes gone. I really wish I hadn't been doing a load of all my pants. FML
Today, I woke up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom. I was there with the lights out when something ran across my foot. I freaked out, tried to kick it off, and ended up smashing my foot into the side of the tub. FML
Today, I was woken at 4 a.m. by the sounds of someone crashing down the stairs. I scrambled out, still half-asleep, to find out that nobody was in an agonized heap at the bottom. The walls are so thin in my house that I could hear the neighbour falling down HIS stairs. FML
Today, someone knocked on my door. I yelled "Yeah?" while getting up, since it was locked. My grandpa walked in, as I apparently didn't actually lock it. I was naked. FML
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Top comments
Welshite 40
Here's Johnny!
firebirds118 11
"Officer, somebody embedded an axe in my door and then peed in my underwear"
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Comments (108)
thebloodlegion 14
Deathly Hallows. I love your profile pic!
why57why 21
HERE'S JOHNNY!!!!!!! Seriously though you might want to consider moving
Mullally 5
good luck to you sleeping properly in that house ever again
nachosbabygurl 9
maybe its time to move
alwaysprepared 3
Be a man
revoltiii 1
My first thought: "Sounds like Sweden". Then i checked the location. I kid you not.
HJKM_fml 19
Get a dog and a security can installed right outside your front door. A small one, so no one sees it and tries taking or destroying it.
Axipiter 24
The idea of a security can amused me way more than it should have...
TwistedCherub1 15
It was the idea of installing a dog that got me.
alycion 39
I love my dog but I wouldn't want to see him go up against an axe. Dogs really aren't that much of a deterrent against really determined people.
sanecatlady 13
You heard a loud noise during the night and went to check it out? I thought only people in the movies did that. And usually get horribly killed. :)
rdnkchevy 9
Buy a gun! I hear bullets fly faster then an axe.
MermaidAnnariea 10
you have my axe! no really, have it.