Today, after a particularly nasty shit, I decided to do one extra pass with a diaper wipe. What I didn't realize was that my wife had refilled the normal container with a pack of Clorox wipes by mistake. My asshole has never burned so fiercely in my 30+ years of life as it did in those following moments. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was stuck in the bathroom with no toilet paper in a family member’s house. I looked around and found baby wipes. I was saved! Unfortunately, they were actually Clorox wipes. The bleach gave me a chemical burn in my ass. FML
Today, I did a big shit at work and found there was no toilet paper. I had to wipe my ass with disinfectant toilet seat wipes. It burns so bad, I can almost taste it. FML
Today, work was so busy that when I went to take a shit, I had to force it and wipe hurriedly. Later, when I got home and hopped in the shower, my wife saw the skid mark in my underwear and lost her shit, calling me a disgusting disgraceful pig. FML
Today, while changing my daughter's diaper, I lifted up her butt to wipe her, which coincidentally caused her to fart. I hadn't wiped her yet so the force of air caused poop to fly at me at high speed, landing on my chest and face. My husband burst out laughing, saying, "You've been ass-blasted!" FML
Today, I went to the OBGYN for my annual, and noticed they now supplied babywipes. After 3 seconds of "cleaning", the intense burning started. Turns out they were antibacterial bleach wipes. FML
Today, on a whim, I decided to try to light a fart on fire. I now know how it feels to take a dump when you have a burn directly on your asshole. FML
Today, after being woken up with the intense urge to go to the bathroom, and having gone to the bathroom three times in the last hour, I finally realized I took two laxatives instead of two Midol. My ass is on fire. FML
Today, while at work, I had to poop. While wiping, I somehow managed to get the back tail of my shirt in between my butthole and the toilet paper, effectively wiping my ass with my white dress shirt. FML
Today, my husband actually was cleaning our bathrooms. I had to pee and the floor was wet in my upstairs bathroom. My wonderful husband told me to go downstairs. I did and sat on the toilet seat which felt wet. He forgot he had sprayed it with Tilex. Chemical burns on your butt are great. FML
Today, I was taking the biggest shit of my life. When I worked the thing out, it hit the water with such force that I got a toilet water enema from the backwash. I was so freaked out that I screamed and fell off the seat, prompting my husband to rush in to see what was wrong. FML
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Top comments
RichardPencil 32
People usually pay a lot of money for anal bleaching. Your wife got you that on the cheap -- she's a keeper!
SylvanXanthias 16
Slight upside: at least it was you who the wrong wipes got used on, and not an actual baby!
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Comments (5)
ViviMage 40
That is on your wife not to use the wrong container to refill, exactly for this reason! I've heard of the man that thought he was using eye drops and poured bleach into his eyes because the wife filled the eye dropper bottle with bleach to deal with foot fungus. Bleach does not belong on or in your body. I hope you flushed your backside with lots of clean water to get the bleach off before it hurts your inner plumbing! FYL!
RichardPencil 32
People usually pay a lot of money for anal bleaching. Your wife got you that on the cheap -- she's a keeper!
kazekai8 11
Just use a bidet and toilet paper. Baby wipes causes fatberg in the sewer and cost cities millions to unclog/clean.
raven_of_azarath 35
That’s why you throw them away, like the package says.
kazekai8 11
Most people flush them down the toilet unfortunately
KingAdrock 16
If you flush those things, YDI.
SylvanXanthias 16
Slight upside: at least it was you who the wrong wipes got used on, and not an actual baby!