Today, I woke up to a loud crashing in the middle of the night. I went to investigate, but found nothing amiss. Nothing except an axe firmly wedged in my front door, that is. It's safe to say that I have no clue who did it, and that I needed a fresh pair of underwear. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, someone broke into my house and stole all of my underwear. FML
Today, my house got broken into. Thankfully, they didn't steal anything. They did, however, move things around into strange places and mess up my underwear. I have severe OCD, so this is probably worse than if they had taken everything. FML
Today, when I got up for work, I went into the bathroom and saw a coat hanger sitting in the crack of the window. I had a panic attack, thinking someone had tried to break in and grabbed a knife. I ran into the room where my boyfriend was sleeping and he said he put it there. FML
Today, I woke up to a loud bang. Thinking someone had broken in, I grabbed my hunting knife and ran downstairs, only to find my TV on the floor, completely destroyed, and my cat casually sitting next to it without a care in the world. FML
Today, I was doing laundry when my downstairs neighbour knocked on my door and handed me some knickers. Apparently, it had flown off the clothesline and landed on his head while he was sweeping outside. FML
Today, I experienced the fright of a lifetime when I woke up and heard my bedroom door opening. Fearing that there was an intruder, I picked up a bat and opened the door, ready to whack the mystery intruder. There was no one there. No one, except my cat, who apparently knows how to open doors now. FML
Today, I woke up on the couch and realized I had fallen asleep while doing laundry. Ran to the laundry room, and found all my clothes gone. I really wish I hadn't been doing a load of all my pants. FML
Today, I woke up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom. I was there with the lights out when something ran across my foot. I freaked out, tried to kick it off, and ended up smashing my foot into the side of the tub. FML
Today, I was woken at 4 a.m. by the sounds of someone crashing down the stairs. I scrambled out, still half-asleep, to find out that nobody was in an agonized heap at the bottom. The walls are so thin in my house that I could hear the neighbour falling down HIS stairs. FML
Today, someone knocked on my door. I yelled "Yeah?" while getting up, since it was locked. My grandpa walked in, as I apparently didn't actually lock it. I was naked. FML
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Top comments
Welshite 40
Here's Johnny!
firebirds118 11
"Officer, somebody embedded an axe in my door and then peed in my underwear"
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Comments (108)
1947Chevy 17
You may want to contact police over that
bernardbrown 7
Or buy a gun. That helps too.
nightbirdblue 27
Or booby trap your door with explosives.
Axipiter 24
Or BEAR TRAPS!
AloysiusWeasley 15
Dear god, that. Who the hell did OP piss off?
cesarporto 7
You guys must be really axe-cited to get these jokes out
Jarelk 3
Cool, free axe!
Kershaw45 9
That sucks man.
MyUsernameKatie 31
People suck
davek 36
Vikings?
buckdharma 38
Hang your Christmas wreath and some lights on it. The guy will think your crazy and leave you alone.
JoshDFTBA 3
Did you forget to play Jazz music?
Gittoh 21
awww man! not again!
SamCat 21
Be careful Op, just because you are sane it means others are too. The crazies are everywhere. I had a neighbor who punched a hole through my front door. Cops recommended I move for my safety after he broke my living room windows too. So much for keeping about my business. Good luck!