Today, I went to the midnight premiere of Angels and Demons. A hobo wandered into the theater and sat down behind me. I paid $10 to spend two and a half hours listening to a crazy man talk to himself and kick my chair while he loudly masturbated. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I had to do a "damage report" on myself after going to the midnight premiere of Harry Potter. As I was waiting for the previews, a 20 year old man dressed as a house elf tackled and wrestled me for my seat. FML
Today, I went to see Jackass 3 in 3D. While the previews were playing, some guy sitting next to me leaned over and began telling me what happens in every scene, completely ruining the movie for me. He tried to get my number afterwards. FML
Today, I was late to a sold out movie in the theater, so I had to shuffle in during the previews in the dark. I sat down in what I thought was the last vacant seat, but I'd really just sat in a small woman's lap. She was not happy. FML
Today, I went to the movies and accidentally walked into the wrong theater. I sat through an entire horror film, thinking it was supposed to be a rom-com. I kept waiting for the romantic twist. It never came. Satanic haunted dolls or whatever they were did, though. FML
Today, at the cinema, I sat next to a guy who couldn’t stand a minute without laughing or making comments about the film. FML
Today, I went to the movies with my friends. All throughout, some guy kept making weird sounds and breathing deeply. Midway through the movie, he got even louder. Just as I was about to snap, chunks of vomit sprayed over my chair and shoulders. FML
Today, this guy and I went on a date to the movies. We got up to the desk and I asked for one ticket for 'Jennifer's Body.' The guy moved his way in front of me and said, "make that two tickets." He then walked away to look at movie posters and left me with the $22.50 charge. FML
Today, I went to see "Black Swan" with my parents, not realizing that it was basically a porno. So I sat next to my dad while Mila Kunis and Natalie Portman had passionate lesbian sex on a twenty foot screen. And I'm pretty sure I heard the old guy behind us jacking off. FML
Today, I was having a rough day, so I decided to go to the movies to unwind. 15 minutes in, some assmunch behind me said "This movie sucks!" then dumped his drink over my head and ran out. FML
Today, I went to the movies with some girlfriends. The guy behind us was making these pervy, heavy breathing noises, so we threw some popcorn at him. When the movie finished, we saw him in a wheelchair - with a breathing tube sticking out of his neck. FML
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Top comments
nuked 0
Maybe get him kicked out? Idiot...
WickedAwsum 0
Well #1, we don't like you. You could have gotten a person who worked there to get him removed or something, or move seats?
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Comments (255)
lax2319 0
you have two perfectly good legs (unless you're in a wheelchair, which will make this very awkward), use them and move 20 feet....
idontgiveone 0
there are many FML's like this but.. WHY did u not move or tell someone about it. -.-
MissDivaxoxo 0
cuz they probably enjoyed every minute of it ;P
plethora 3
I think the point of specifying that it was a midnight premiere was to make it obvious that the theatre was packed and there were no spare seats. But still, YDI. Call the usher, for ****'s sake.
flighted 1
Wait if it was packed that would mean there were people next to this man which would mean he was "masturbating loudly" next to somebody. BS, op.
ohdamn_fml 2
You could have moved your seat or called in a manager. It's callled doing things yourself. Try it sometime
matt5217 4
howdy
WhyMe1_2_3 0
Well its the premiere of a movie....IF there were any seats open at all, I doubt the OP would want to miss out on the movie finding a new seat, or interrupt other people watching the movie by calling someone in to get him removed... If he's talking to himself in a movie theater while whacking off, I doubt he would allow himself to get 'removed' quietly
Merlin_44 0
Obviously you went to the worst theatre possible if they let homeless men in to a midnight premier. YDI for being ripped off and for you and your friends not speaking up for yourselves for two and a half hours.......unless you went by yourself....which is just sad.
possiblyapotato 10
ydi for being ripped off? how is it .... nvmnd
deaditegirl 0
YDI for choosing to sit there instead of getting a manager and actually doing something about it.
rukusrazor 0
So, A) you went and waited in line for this movie? B) The hobo was in line too? Did you pay for his ticket to get in?
Merlin_44 0
and #15, if it was a crowded movie theatre then that means he whacked off right next to two other people ad they didnt say anything either. unlikely.
Ilovelife07 0
why didnt you move?