Today, I went to the midnight premiere of Angels and Demons. A hobo wandered into the theater and sat down behind me. I paid $10 to spend two and a half hours listening to a crazy man talk to himself and kick my chair while he loudly masturbated. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I had to do a "damage report" on myself after going to the midnight premiere of Harry Potter. As I was waiting for the previews, a 20 year old man dressed as a house elf tackled and wrestled me for my seat. FML
Today, I went to see Jackass 3 in 3D. While the previews were playing, some guy sitting next to me leaned over and began telling me what happens in every scene, completely ruining the movie for me. He tried to get my number afterwards. FML
Today, I was late to a sold out movie in the theater, so I had to shuffle in during the previews in the dark. I sat down in what I thought was the last vacant seat, but I'd really just sat in a small woman's lap. She was not happy. FML
Today, I went to the movies and accidentally walked into the wrong theater. I sat through an entire horror film, thinking it was supposed to be a rom-com. I kept waiting for the romantic twist. It never came. Satanic haunted dolls or whatever they were did, though. FML
Today, at the cinema, I sat next to a guy who couldn’t stand a minute without laughing or making comments about the film. FML
Today, I went to the movies with my friends. All throughout, some guy kept making weird sounds and breathing deeply. Midway through the movie, he got even louder. Just as I was about to snap, chunks of vomit sprayed over my chair and shoulders. FML
Today, this guy and I went on a date to the movies. We got up to the desk and I asked for one ticket for 'Jennifer's Body.' The guy moved his way in front of me and said, "make that two tickets." He then walked away to look at movie posters and left me with the $22.50 charge. FML
Today, I went to see "Black Swan" with my parents, not realizing that it was basically a porno. So I sat next to my dad while Mila Kunis and Natalie Portman had passionate lesbian sex on a twenty foot screen. And I'm pretty sure I heard the old guy behind us jacking off. FML
Today, I was having a rough day, so I decided to go to the movies to unwind. 15 minutes in, some assmunch behind me said "This movie sucks!" then dumped his drink over my head and ran out. FML
Today, I went to the movies with some girlfriends. The guy behind us was making these pervy, heavy breathing noises, so we threw some popcorn at him. When the movie finished, we saw him in a wheelchair - with a breathing tube sticking out of his neck. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
nuked 0
Maybe get him kicked out? Idiot...
WickedAwsum 0
Well #1, we don't like you. You could have gotten a person who worked there to get him removed or something, or move seats?
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (255)
jasey_rae 0
ydi for not complaining, honestly learn to stand up for yourself you dumbass. why wouldn't you say something?
mattmag 0
#24 has it right
I_am_stupid_also 6
Talking to himself while loudly masturbating is a novel way of describing Dan Brown. Pretty cool that he was sitting behind you.
ifyouonlyknew77 0
You totally deserved this one. Unfortunately the only person you can expect to behave well is yourself. So as much as it sucks to get up in the middle of the movie, it's better than listening to some crazy touch himself. You should have moved seats or if he was really disruptive gone to someone who worked at the theater and explained the situation. You probably could have even gone so far as to ask for a voucher or something for the next time you came to the movies. Sometimes you just have to take matters into your own hands if you don't want to be in a weird/bad situation.
elemenopyqrstuv 0
well at least you didn't pay $10 dollars to talk to yourself, kick the chair in front of you and **********.
chakrabs 0
Serves you right for watching Angels and Demons
gonzaval 0
#3 and #7 are Right Sorry for the rest I justv din feel I the need to keep reading.
Niasyn 0
YDI for not getting his nasty ass kicked out. Everyone knows you can only ********** to Brad Pitt movies.
dengman 0
ive heard an fml like that before.....
thattickles 0
you could have moved, or told the theater people, they could have arrested him, I mean if Peewee Herman got arrested for wanking in a theater, surely a bum would too. I think you secretly enjoyed it.