Today, I went to the midnight premiere of Angels and Demons. A hobo wandered into the theater and sat down behind me. I paid $10 to spend two and a half hours listening to a crazy man talk to himself and kick my chair while he loudly masturbated. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I had to do a "damage report" on myself after going to the midnight premiere of Harry Potter. As I was waiting for the previews, a 20 year old man dressed as a house elf tackled and wrestled me for my seat. FML
Today, I went to see Jackass 3 in 3D. While the previews were playing, some guy sitting next to me leaned over and began telling me what happens in every scene, completely ruining the movie for me. He tried to get my number afterwards. FML
Today, I was late to a sold out movie in the theater, so I had to shuffle in during the previews in the dark. I sat down in what I thought was the last vacant seat, but I'd really just sat in a small woman's lap. She was not happy. FML
Today, I went to the movies and accidentally walked into the wrong theater. I sat through an entire horror film, thinking it was supposed to be a rom-com. I kept waiting for the romantic twist. It never came. Satanic haunted dolls or whatever they were did, though. FML
Today, at the cinema, I sat next to a guy who couldn’t stand a minute without laughing or making comments about the film. FML
Today, I went to the movies with my friends. All throughout, some guy kept making weird sounds and breathing deeply. Midway through the movie, he got even louder. Just as I was about to snap, chunks of vomit sprayed over my chair and shoulders. FML
Today, this guy and I went on a date to the movies. We got up to the desk and I asked for one ticket for 'Jennifer's Body.' The guy moved his way in front of me and said, "make that two tickets." He then walked away to look at movie posters and left me with the $22.50 charge. FML
Today, I went to see "Black Swan" with my parents, not realizing that it was basically a porno. So I sat next to my dad while Mila Kunis and Natalie Portman had passionate lesbian sex on a twenty foot screen. And I'm pretty sure I heard the old guy behind us jacking off. FML
Today, I was having a rough day, so I decided to go to the movies to unwind. 15 minutes in, some assmunch behind me said "This movie sucks!" then dumped his drink over my head and ran out. FML
Today, I went to the movies with some girlfriends. The guy behind us was making these pervy, heavy breathing noises, so we threw some popcorn at him. When the movie finished, we saw him in a wheelchair - with a breathing tube sticking out of his neck. FML
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Top comments
nuked 0
Maybe get him kicked out? Idiot...
WickedAwsum 0
Well #1, we don't like you. You could have gotten a person who worked there to get him removed or something, or move seats?
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Comments (255)
jamiej 0
sorry but ydi. I work in a theater, we have no problem kicking people out for disturbing the customers around them, it's your own fault for not telling anyone.
RottenKid 0
Jesus dude, even if you did call an usher you don't deserve some twisted shit like this. you didn't desrve to have a homeless guy jack off behind, even though you could've called an usher. FYL seriously
Rldiamond90 0
Could have a) reported him, b) told someone that worked there, or c) called the police and had him arrested for indecent exposure. Don't be such a whiny little bitch.
poolshark 0
Some words of wisdom from It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia: "The streets are flooded with the ejaculate of the homeless." and "Masturbating bums are bad for business." (someone should tell the theatre...)
Venus_Doom 0
n00b should have moved. Idiot.
tehholleyvamp 0
YDI for not getting someone to kick him out.
hpodity 0
Actually, that crazy guy was Dan Brown
freddie_fml 0
Are your legs broken? Is there any reason you couldn't move, or go get the manager to deal with it? If you just sat there and put up with it, you definitely deserved it.
esqueezy 0
lmao ew gross!!!!
convict617 0
You could have moved seats. You deserved that, and you deserved his baby batter to land on the back of your head.