Today, I went to the midnight premiere of Angels and Demons. A hobo wandered into the theater and sat down behind me. I paid $10 to spend two and a half hours listening to a crazy man talk to himself and kick my chair while he loudly masturbated. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I had to do a "damage report" on myself after going to the midnight premiere of Harry Potter. As I was waiting for the previews, a 20 year old man dressed as a house elf tackled and wrestled me for my seat. FML
Today, I went to see Jackass 3 in 3D. While the previews were playing, some guy sitting next to me leaned over and began telling me what happens in every scene, completely ruining the movie for me. He tried to get my number afterwards. FML
Today, I was late to a sold out movie in the theater, so I had to shuffle in during the previews in the dark. I sat down in what I thought was the last vacant seat, but I'd really just sat in a small woman's lap. She was not happy. FML
Today, I went to the movies and accidentally walked into the wrong theater. I sat through an entire horror film, thinking it was supposed to be a rom-com. I kept waiting for the romantic twist. It never came. Satanic haunted dolls or whatever they were did, though. FML
Today, at the cinema, I sat next to a guy who couldn’t stand a minute without laughing or making comments about the film. FML
Today, I went to the movies with my friends. All throughout, some guy kept making weird sounds and breathing deeply. Midway through the movie, he got even louder. Just as I was about to snap, chunks of vomit sprayed over my chair and shoulders. FML
Today, this guy and I went on a date to the movies. We got up to the desk and I asked for one ticket for 'Jennifer's Body.' The guy moved his way in front of me and said, "make that two tickets." He then walked away to look at movie posters and left me with the $22.50 charge. FML
Today, I went to see "Black Swan" with my parents, not realizing that it was basically a porno. So I sat next to my dad while Mila Kunis and Natalie Portman had passionate lesbian sex on a twenty foot screen. And I'm pretty sure I heard the old guy behind us jacking off. FML
Today, I was having a rough day, so I decided to go to the movies to unwind. 15 minutes in, some assmunch behind me said "This movie sucks!" then dumped his drink over my head and ran out. FML
Today, I went to the movies with some girlfriends. The guy behind us was making these pervy, heavy breathing noises, so we threw some popcorn at him. When the movie finished, we saw him in a wheelchair - with a breathing tube sticking out of his neck. FML
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Top comments
nuked 0
Maybe get him kicked out? Idiot...
WickedAwsum 0
Well #1, we don't like you. You could have gotten a person who worked there to get him removed or something, or move seats?
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Comments (255)
glockjaw 0
Its not BS because its similar to the Wolverine one. God how stupid are you people that you don't know how to put 2 and 2 together. That one was about a drunk guy. This one is about a hobo. Therefore, its not copying. But, I am inclined to agree with the bullshit call. I believe you just drummed up the story. I'm sure there really was no 'hobo masturbating' but rather just someone behind you who talked a little bit. FYL for having to drum up something in your life to make you feel validated.
babawaba 0
YDI for going to a crappy movie
demons0108 0
Umm....get up and move? Seriously.
csigabajnok 0
Geez, you're a whiner... Why didn't you tell the staff to kick him the hell out of there? I'm also wondering about how that hobo managed to sneak past ticket control at the gates.
RIKANA 0
Why didn't you leave the theater and tell the usher what was going on, and then ask to see the next showing. I done that pleanty of times and thaey allowed me to see the next showing. BTW: I'm seeing it tonight, hope its good. RI
Vagrarian 2
Just occurred to me...if he was truly masturbating, then he's committing public indecency and the police should have been summoned. I find this story hard to believe, btw, but someone jacking off in a mainstream movie theater (as opposed to a porno house) is a matter for the management and the police.
UGADawg08 1
This is why I always bring my gun into a theater.
Stephie_fml 0
Why didn't you change seats, or tell someone at the theater? YDI for taking it like a little B*tch.
xxdannychaosxx 0
OK so you paid for your ticket.. this guy randomly walked in there.. the smart thing to do would have been to get someone to take him out.. or move.. you just wasted your money. so Im going with YDI.
ohitsali 0
couldn't you have just moved??