Today, I was woken up early in the morning by the sound of my mother frantically crying out for help. Apparently she had tried, unsuccessfully, to "end the suffering" of an injured squirrel by drowning it in the toilet. How? By placing it into the bowl and smothering it with clothes. My clothes. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my mom asked me to pull out the load of laundry she'd stuck in the dryer. Instead of clothes, I pulled out my dead cat. FML
Today, I woke up to my disabled mother screaming for me. Fearing the worst, I hopped out of bed only to find that she was yelling because her cat had brought a field mouse inside as a gift. The problem? It was still alive. I had to get it from him and throw it outside. FML
Today, my mother called me urgently from the kitchen. Thinking she was hurt, I ran to her as fast as possible. She threw a wet cloth at my head and ran away, laughing her face off. FML
Today, I was woken up to my mother screaming obscenities at me, all because I threw up last night after days of not feeling well, and the flushing of the toilet afterwards woke her up. FML
Today, I heard my mom sobbing in the bathroom. Concerned, I went in to see what was wrong. I found her sitting on the toilet, pants down and a cigarette between her fingers. When I asked what was going on, she looked up at me and slurred that we'd run out of "shit-wipes." FML
Today, my mom called me to the laundry room after she saw a dead animal in there. I took a look and agreed we should call animal control. After ten minutes of freaking out, they finally arrived to confirm that the dead animal was the hood to my winter jacket. FML
Today, my cat fell into the toilet, and I had to save him. I now have a soggy cat and scratched arms. FML
Today, my roommate let out a blood-curdling scream in the bathroom. I ran in to see what was going on, only to find her sitting on the toilet, topless. Turned out she'd tried to pierce her own tit using a clothespin and a needle. FML
Today, I woke up to a blood-curdling scream from the bathroom. I jumped out of bed in panic and rushed into the bathroom, only to see my sister limping around in the nude. She'd just jumped out of the shower because someone had flushed the toilet downstairs. FML
Today, my mom's intense fear of tornadoes caused her to break into the bathroom, drag me off the toilet while I was changing my tampon, and drag me to the basement with my pants around my ankles to join my father, brother, and my brother's best friend. FML
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Top comments
lolasains 7
Smart mom you got there.
Sinamoi 18
Poor squirrel...
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Comments (266)
brend5033 4
Poor squirrel...
neander 8
Hopefully your adopted and the dumb genes die out with your mother.
didthatreallyhap_fml 14
Actually drowning isn't the worst way to go inhaling water isn't what causes pain, its the holding your breath part that hurts. If you were to inhale a certain amount of water your body would automatically shut itself down in an attempt to preserve itself so that you could be revived... still ftsl
iamyourgod 3
Its not a lack of breathing that causes suffocating feeling. It's the brain sensing a build up of carbon dioxide in the blood. I'd you inhaled water it's not going to solve anything, your still going to have the same sensation just for less time.
didthatreallyhap_fml 14
I've almost drowned 3 times as a kid I've swallowed and inhaled lots of water 2 of those times it didn't hurt at all... however when i held my breath my body went hysterical it hurt not being able to inhale or exhale, and i nearly passed out so... as i said before the inhaling of water isn't what hurts its the not being able to breathe part. Technically water is made up of oxygen so it probably didn't hurt due to my body sensing the oxygen in the water maybe? (i don't know i am just guessing could be right or wrong i most definitely don't know the science behind it)
Chris4th 2
haha you live with your mom.
sassypenguinxox 15
Wow...i don't know how to respond to that...
J1forTheMoney 0
Why is your mom playing w squirrels?
mwolverine 1
oh my god.
haveachat 1
Your mum just drowned a poor squirrel in a toilet bowl-she thought she was doing the right thing, which makes it even worse, and yet here you are complaining about your CLOTHES?! FML for having to live on earth with people like you.
Brigitte14 0
is ur mom a blonde..?
DALLR 2
is she special needs