Today, I slept in the same room as my girlfriend for the first time. She is sweet, smart, and drop-dead gorgeous, so naturally I thought she was going to be the one. Until she farted in her sleep. 56 times. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my girlfriend farted in her sleep, woke me up because it was so damn loud, and my room smelt like rotten noodles for about an hour. FML
Today, while we were sleeping, my girlfriend and I rolled to opposite sides of the bed. When I woke up, I moved closer and wrapped my arm around her. Her response was to fart in her sleep, resulting in a smell so noxious that I had no choice but to roll back to the other side. FML
Today, I was spooning with my girlfriend. She fell asleep and spent the next 15 minutes farting on me. FML
Today, it took a whole year to convince my girlfriend to sleep in the same bed as me, because she was afraid she’d fart. Every time, I assured her she was just being paranoid. Turns out, she farts more than anyone I’ve ever slept with. Combined. FML
Today, in the middle of the night, my girlfriend whispered "Are you asleep?" I chose not to respond, to see what she'd do. She then let rip a loud, stinking fart, giggled, and went back to sleep. FML
Today, my girlfriend managed to trap a fart in her nightgown and carry it all the way from the bathroom, into our bedroom, and finally into our bed. FML
Today, I was awoken by my wife patting my head and talking in her sleep, asking, "Who is this? Who am I touching?" She then rolled over and farted on me. FML
Today, I woke up to find my boyfriend watching me sleep. I asked him if he was staring at me because he was in love. He replied that it was because my farting wouldn't let him sleep. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I were getting intimate in the bed for the first time. Halfway through the session, she slowly leaned over to my ear, thinking she was going to say something dirty. Instead, she decided to let out a long burp because she thought it was "cute". FML
Today, I went to my room to find my girlfriend on the floor, butt up, with her pants down. I elatedly took the invitation and dropped my pants too, only for her to tell me, "Not so fast champ, I'm trying to force some farts out." FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
Jon Tessler 14
if you break up with her over a natural bodily function, then you deserve to be single your whole life. get over yourself
cuz803 46
If thou loves the beautiful maiden, he shall tolerate fellow maiden's gassy bum bum
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (26)
cuz803 46
If thou loves the beautiful maiden, he shall tolerate fellow maiden's gassy bum bum
red6joker 8
Gotta be picky about something huh? Also no such thing as the one.
Crowned Sataness 12
that's out of her control, don't hold that against her
Jon Tessler 14
if you break up with her over a natural bodily function, then you deserve to be single your whole life. get over yourself
Isaac Shields 9
I agree whole heartedly
Zebediabolical 45
You totally missed a chance to use 'Hole heartedly' :D
Jon Tessler 14
I wonder what his reaction will be the first time a female "queefs" during sex......oh to be a fly on the wall
mike3775 39
Oh man, that’s better than my wife. It’s natural, so if that bothers you, enjoy being single forever.
JillianJuneBug 39
Good for her, she dodged a major bullet
Bogrbon 27
Sounds like she's still the one, but maybe you aren't the one. Grow up a little!
Aiden89 23
I would of woke her up from laughing so hard.
idragosani 17
Definitely the one! Too bad you aren't
Lydmyers 9
OP, Grow up. Girls have normal human digestive systems, same as boys do which includes farting. I find it weird that you would not only think much less of her, but count how many times she farted. YDI