Today, I was woken up early in the morning by the sound of my mother frantically crying out for help. Apparently she had tried, unsuccessfully, to "end the suffering" of an injured squirrel by drowning it in the toilet. How? By placing it into the bowl and smothering it with clothes. My clothes. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my mom asked me to pull out the load of laundry she'd stuck in the dryer. Instead of clothes, I pulled out my dead cat. FML
Today, I woke up to my disabled mother screaming for me. Fearing the worst, I hopped out of bed only to find that she was yelling because her cat had brought a field mouse inside as a gift. The problem? It was still alive. I had to get it from him and throw it outside. FML
Today, my mother called me urgently from the kitchen. Thinking she was hurt, I ran to her as fast as possible. She threw a wet cloth at my head and ran away, laughing her face off. FML
Today, I was woken up to my mother screaming obscenities at me, all because I threw up last night after days of not feeling well, and the flushing of the toilet afterwards woke her up. FML
Today, I heard my mom sobbing in the bathroom. Concerned, I went in to see what was wrong. I found her sitting on the toilet, pants down and a cigarette between her fingers. When I asked what was going on, she looked up at me and slurred that we'd run out of "shit-wipes." FML
Today, my mom called me to the laundry room after she saw a dead animal in there. I took a look and agreed we should call animal control. After ten minutes of freaking out, they finally arrived to confirm that the dead animal was the hood to my winter jacket. FML
Today, my cat fell into the toilet, and I had to save him. I now have a soggy cat and scratched arms. FML
Today, my roommate let out a blood-curdling scream in the bathroom. I ran in to see what was going on, only to find her sitting on the toilet, topless. Turned out she'd tried to pierce her own tit using a clothespin and a needle. FML
Today, I woke up to a blood-curdling scream from the bathroom. I jumped out of bed in panic and rushed into the bathroom, only to see my sister limping around in the nude. She'd just jumped out of the shower because someone had flushed the toilet downstairs. FML
Today, my mom's intense fear of tornadoes caused her to break into the bathroom, drag me off the toilet while I was changing my tampon, and drag me to the basement with my pants around my ankles to join my father, brother, and my brother's best friend. FML
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Top comments
lolasains 7
Smart mom you got there.
Sinamoi 18
Poor squirrel...
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Comments (266)
bizarre_ftw 22
Your mother sounds either neurotic or psychotic, either or I suggest a padlock for your room or closet?
MeB4u 0
That's not gangster.
grands138 4
Was the microwave broken? "Where's Eddie? He usually eats these goddam things?" "Not recently, Clark. He read that squirrels are high in cholesterol."
causticgirl 6
Best Christmas movie of all time!!!
oakland43 6
LMAO!!
eatsleepjb 8
F the squirrel's life not yours!
causticgirl 6
I so wish there were pics to go with this. Your mom is lucky that squirrel didn't tear her a new asshole. Those little suckers have teeth that crack nuts!
THE_A_TEEN 28
Much like KaySL...
misterme101 2
Because drowning is a painless way to die?
Myrina_fml 1
**** your clothes what happened to the squirrel?
Boots31 1
I laughed >.
fishface517 10
Wow op.... Let's just drown you in some one else's clothes, and see how that feels. All because you are suffering, you deserve to die. I would worry more about the morals and ethics of yourself and your mother.
t765234 10
Squirrels =/= people, sorry to smash your fantasies.
THE_A_TEEN 28
What the **** is wrong with you, fishface517? She deserves to die because of some acts her mom did that are questionable to the psychological field??? Such mentality over a small rodent...