Today, I was woken up early in the morning by the sound of my mother frantically crying out for help. Apparently she had tried, unsuccessfully, to "end the suffering" of an injured squirrel by drowning it in the toilet. How? By placing it into the bowl and smothering it with clothes. My clothes. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my mom asked me to pull out the load of laundry she'd stuck in the dryer. Instead of clothes, I pulled out my dead cat. FML
Today, I woke up to my disabled mother screaming for me. Fearing the worst, I hopped out of bed only to find that she was yelling because her cat had brought a field mouse inside as a gift. The problem? It was still alive. I had to get it from him and throw it outside. FML
Today, my mother called me urgently from the kitchen. Thinking she was hurt, I ran to her as fast as possible. She threw a wet cloth at my head and ran away, laughing her face off. FML
Today, I was woken up to my mother screaming obscenities at me, all because I threw up last night after days of not feeling well, and the flushing of the toilet afterwards woke her up. FML
Today, I heard my mom sobbing in the bathroom. Concerned, I went in to see what was wrong. I found her sitting on the toilet, pants down and a cigarette between her fingers. When I asked what was going on, she looked up at me and slurred that we'd run out of "shit-wipes." FML
Today, my mom called me to the laundry room after she saw a dead animal in there. I took a look and agreed we should call animal control. After ten minutes of freaking out, they finally arrived to confirm that the dead animal was the hood to my winter jacket. FML
Today, my cat fell into the toilet, and I had to save him. I now have a soggy cat and scratched arms. FML
Today, my roommate let out a blood-curdling scream in the bathroom. I ran in to see what was going on, only to find her sitting on the toilet, topless. Turned out she'd tried to pierce her own tit using a clothespin and a needle. FML
Today, I woke up to a blood-curdling scream from the bathroom. I jumped out of bed in panic and rushed into the bathroom, only to see my sister limping around in the nude. She'd just jumped out of the shower because someone had flushed the toilet downstairs. FML
Today, my mom's intense fear of tornadoes caused her to break into the bathroom, drag me off the toilet while I was changing my tampon, and drag me to the basement with my pants around my ankles to join my father, brother, and my brother's best friend. FML
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Top comments
lolasains 7
Smart mom you got there.
Sinamoi 18
Poor squirrel...
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Comments (266)
LoveBenLinus 3
That is squirrelly behavior! Okay.. Okay... I apologize to everyone here.
Argumental_Rhino 8
*Flush*
perdix 31
If the water filling the lungs doesn't kill the squirrel, the shame of being seen in your ugly, hipster clothes certainly will.
MJJ5809 9
Hey perdix, hope you caught the entire conversation that was had about you earlier on in the thread. I enjoyed it :)
dino2muffin2 0
Wow. Your mom is nuts. Nuts? Haha I made a funny -/shot/
kickboxingchick 5
I feel bad for the squirrel. And your mother is a true idiot .
Hiker4 9
Awwww, that is SO sad. You definitely have it better off than that squirrel. That squirrel doesn't even have clothes, most likely, and also probably never did. Trust me; you'll live.
beebananaz88 0
Thats illegal... your moms a bitch.
MerrikBarbarian 9
Nope not illegal. Squirrels aren't protected. Law states you can kill them as much as you like and don't even need a hunting license. Don't agree with that myself, but that's what the law says.
supahcoolperson 0
Good, I hate squirrels lol.. jk its still not right, but I think your mom has a problem...
iamyourgod 3
How did she get the squirrel into the toilet?? And why?? Who sees squirrel and says I should pick that up and take it into my house? Anyways, to properly drown squirrels I just throw a cage intended to trap them alive into a bucket of water. Very effective. Don't try rat traps, they don't kill them.
eatsleepjb 8
She was probably able to get the squirrel because it was hurt.
iamyourgod 3
Garbage, hopefully. They don't sound intelligent though, so maybe it's jammed in their pipes.