Today, I was spending Saint Patrick's Day with my girlfriend, when she started pinching me for not wearing green. To my complete shock, when she pinched my nipple, I got the biggest, most noticeable erection I've ever had in my life, and no matter what I did, it wouldn't go away. We were in public. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, while getting a lump in my private region examined by a very cute nurse, I got a massive erection. The smartest thing I could think to say at the time to her was: "I haven't been touched there in a very long time." FML
Today, while getting a lump in my private region examined by a very cute nurse, I got a massive erection. The smartest thing I could think to say at the time to her was: "I haven't been touched there in a very long time." FML
Today, as I was about to meet my girlfriend's parents, she thought it would be funny to grab my junk and give me a hard-on right before they walked in. I couldn't hide it quickly enough. FML
Today, I was making out with my girlfriend, and after a while, she moved her hand down to my crotch. She felt my erection, then got up and yelled at me, calling me a horny pig for "assuming we were going to have sex." FML
Today, I was making out with my girlfriend, and things started getting pretty hot. That is, until I tried to remove her shirt. Somehow, I managed to grab her pajama shorts and give her a violent wedgie. FML
Today, things got pretty steamy between my boyfriend and me. We started doing stuff that neither of us had tried before. Then, he straddled me with a raging erection and boomed, "IT HAS RISEN!" He didn't understand why I was suddenly no longer in the mood. FML
Today, while laying in bed with my girlfriend, I felt her grab my manhood through a layer of blankets. I got a bit stiff, just in time for her to clench tight, and pull violently. She didn't know "it" was in her hand, as she was trying to cover herself with the blanket. My manhood is now red and swollen. FML
Today, I was feeling up my girlfriend's chest. I was getting into it until she said, "What are you doing?" I said I was rubbing her nipple. She replies, "That's not my nipple, its a pimple." FML
Today, I got an inconvenient erection while at my girlfriends house, so I tried to think of something stupid to get rid of it. I tried thinking of Pokémon, which actually made me harder. FML
Today, I woke up with a huge boner. My girlfriend saw it, rolled her eyes and said, "Not a chance." FML
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Top comments
holymolybro 0
"Sweety...can we..um..go in this alley for a sec.."
chlorinegreen 27
tell her to stand in front of you?
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Comments (318)
sherd 3
dude thatz what turns me ob
sherd 3
dude thatz what turns me on
chlorinegreen 27
tell her to stand in front of you?
maa_rico 4
Leprechaun's curse.
mikemik22 0
yes tell her to stand in front of u then bend over
Takador 3
i dont see how thats an FML, i would have stroked it, then again getting purple nurples doesnt turn me on... so idk
BWill9014 4
83 made me Lol
Ctwebsyter 0
ha
Rei_Ayanami 18
Don't be so HARD on yourself, just drink a couple STIFF ones and hope nobody has a BONER two to pick with you. That was awful, but I made myself chuckle.
DoubleEdgedBlade 4
240 - That pun surprised me so much that it erected all my flaccid hair on my head. I guess I am special like a beat off the road; a masturbator, ******-aker.
Jonny_Trump 0
240 made me smile. 262 made me stop.
YoUglyMama 0
now we know really is at the end of the rainbow dont we?
steelbubble 0
so THAT'S how it works
OwN3d3d 0
have you not heard of the waistband tuck?
HipsterFox 3
Dude your like, 12?
Skarkie321 18
329- I was thinking the same thing
rachirbreb 1
..and you can't even use the correct form of you're .. so your logic is out the window
holymolybro 0
"Sweety...can we..um..go in this alley for a sec.."
Dez31396 0
HA!!
bama61 0
agreed :)
Ihatethesenames 0
lol
Stallion19 0
haha ya lol
NextBigThing5044 0
Lmao
Fici 0
haha
kingtz 6
Exactly. She caused it, she fix it!
kiltsaresexy 4
Looks like we know where your favorite erogenous zones are. ;)
sgenfkshe 5
(; thhaattss hottttt(:
sgenfkshe 5
lol oppppssieess! haha it was suppose to be a comment(:
hobojo11 0
i would work it jus acte drunk ish and push you boner up agenst random girls when she aint looking
Dallyni 22
Think dead puppies!
TayonaC 10
I mean st. Patricks day
AlienX_fml 0
that might get him off ad well.
vsx2000goton 0
No, think about a papercut on the tip of your boner. Think. About. It.
FlixDoom 0
Actualy...it hurts like hell! ... dont ask how i know
AvengedSevenfold_fml_fml 12
Wow that sounds worse than shoving stakes under your nails D: *shudders* >.<
Suchagoonnn 4
omg STOP
AceMint 0
104- You are twisted, that made me cringe. D:
missory_missouri 0
Ok...I'm a girl and it made ME cringe, too. I almost threw up!
lexeous 4
That's hot.
KomiExplosion 0
Ow. I can already feel the pain.
Summera 2
You were masturbating and tried to wipe your dong with a piece of paper? :D
Jonny_Trump 0
249 is a girl with a penis. HAWT.
happysmile987 24
#255 your profile fits your comment so well
TayonaC 10
aw that sucks. when was at Patricks day?! aw crap and I was looking forward to it... kinda I'm a fail
tulsafml 0
um well. it's today...
TayonaC 10
HOLY CRAP IT IS! Well.... my day is now officially ruined
andreabeth95 2
42 hahah! so true, I was just thinking that. I had no idea what she was trying to say
TayonaC 10
lol sorry basically I was trying to figure out when saint Patricks day was... I wanted to do something for it and now I can't. :(
Igor_g5 0
I figured out what she was trying to say but she didn't do a very good job of saying it. The main problem was that she said when was AT St Patricks day. remove the at and its understandable.
TayonaC 10
crap I didn't even notice that. sorry again o__O
polysyllabist 3
Budget cuts due to the declining leprechaun economy required double rainbows to converge and utilize the same end, thus requiring a single leprechaun and a single pot of gold. With 50% of their workforce laid off, stocks rose and the rainbow execs then awarded themselves another couple billion in bonuses.
dudeitsdanny 10
^ I didn't know leprechauns were American business men..
x3nikkii97 0
fail #7...
inuyasha1618 7
..I understood you fine ^-^"
dudeitsdanny 10
It's pretty easy to see what he/she meant. "at Patrick's" is what comes out when you hit the a instead of the s in "St" Simple. Could have even been autocorrected. It wasn't hard to read or figure out.
Hockeyfreak123 0
u a retard
Tempsey 0
If he was wearing jeans then it's not so bad, but judging from the FML, he was wearing something less stiff and showing something stiffer.
docscientist 10
Seriously, what did men do before jeans? Dress slacks are a recipe for disaster.
Impact_In_3_2_1 2
Before jeans, most men wear underwear.
testthecoal 5
or go commando.
MissBunny25 0
maybe he was wearing athletic shorts...?
persianjr1 7
what about stretchy pants? lol
ballwiz23 0
haha nice 63
docscientist 10
So, the power of the dong < underwear? because wearing boxers doesn't help.
willishall172 0
you look like kesha!
SassiestLemon 2
I'm assuming that, since it was St. Patrick's Day, he was wearng a kilt.
sarahrwan 2
that is really embarrassing, but hopefully people were getting too drunk to even notice!
kykyshay 0
good point.
triggerit 5
women pay attention
Purple_Princess0_fml 0
lol DONT LOOKA AT THE NIPPLE, JUST THROW BACK SOME SHOTSSSS
sgenfkshe 5
(; ttthhaattsss hottt(:
hawty12345 0
...0.o
sgenfkshe 5
(; alwayysssss a good timme(:(;
AMAZINashleigh 6
You're like 4.
jess6blondie9 3
12, I doubt you even know what an erection is.
Cass3m0 0
You have a serious case of text stutter.
tesuan 0
I'm a guy and you're still frightening me.
kykyshay 0
I agree with 127.
MissBunny25 0
112 you're not a guy... you're a freaking adorable Pikachu kitty!!
duzzyfucks 0
HAHA, word.
kykyshay 0
(149) and I'm the one that sounds like an moron.
persianjr1 7
thanks for admitting it 190
MissBunny25 0
an moron? seriously? nah, too easy.
kykyshay 0
too easy for you to be a moron.
vsx2000goton 0
190, please get off FML and find something better to do with your life before you end it due to the amount of bitch-slapping comments you receive on this site.
jess6blondie9 3
Shut the hell up Kykyshay. Seriously. I don't know how many times people have to tell you that before you know that no one likes you.
kykyshay 0
I know who likes me and who doesn't thank you.if you don't like my comments don't read them.
MissBunny25 0
everyone just stop fighting, please. it's not worth it. honestly.
Sirin_fml 47
Yep, it really isn't in anybody's best interest for this MissBunny25 vs Kykyshay vs jess6blondie9 vs the world thing to continue, trust me on that. Calm down, chill out. :-)
kykyshay 0
sorry about those names missbunny. I was just mad... :-(
MissBunny25 0
it's okay :) all is forgotten. dude I told you sirin was the best mod in the world. she's like that pink good witch of the north on the wizard of oz. OMG thats who she reminds me of :0 holy shit.
MissBunny25 0
*I'm sorry too lol.
kykyshay 0
lol she is pretty cool.
stunner_steph 0
^ has anyone ever told you, you look like ke$ha?(: but wayyyy prettier
stunner_steph 0
oops that was for missbunny
MissBunny25 0
227 haha, unfortunately, yes. I get that all the time D: can't say I agree. but you're pretty as well :) and thank you.
kykyshay 0
lol I'm pretty sure my dog doesn't look like Kesha...actually she might a little...
MissBunny25 0
hahahahaha but your dog is cute!!
stunner_steph 0
thanks it's not bad cause u just have her good features
kykyshay 0
thanx! those sunglasses really bring out her eyes. :-)
kykyshay 0
bye, I'll see you later. gotta go! :)
MissBunny25 0
234 well thanks :) bye kykyshay
cougar737 0
lol total win pic
matt1990 0
@12.. im not really a grammar nazi, but when u add 17 extra same letters to a word, i just have to let my guard down, and say stfu cuz ur an idiot..grow up
MissBunny25 0
243 &246 who are y'all referring to?