Today, things got pretty steamy between my boyfriend and me. We started doing stuff that neither of us had tried before. Then, he straddled me with a raging erection and boomed, "IT HAS RISEN!" He didn't understand why I was suddenly no longer in the mood. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my boyfriend and I were getting heated. We were having a lot of fun until I decided I wanted to be on top. He instantly got soft. FML
Today, things got heated with my boyfriend for the first time. Turns out he's even more inexperienced than I thought; when I started grinding against him, he frowned and said, "Um... why're you doing that? We've still got clothes on..." FML
Today, my boyfriend lost his temper at me for the first time ever after 2 years of dating, and actually raised his voice. It turned me on, and I don’t just mean on, I mean OOONNNNNN. I was so wet it ran down my thighs and made an obvious damp spot in my jeans. FML
Today, I climbed onto my boyfriend's lap and sexily told him "It's getting hot in here," and started unbuttoning my shirt. He said "Oh," pushed me off him, and went to turn the ceiling fan on. FML
Today, things were getting hot with my boyfriend and I started to breathe heavy and moan. He then says to me, "Babe, can you calm down, we're having sex not running a marathon." FML
Today, things began to get hot and heavy between my boyfriend and me. Suddenly, in a deep, sexy voice, he whispered, "God help me for what I'm about to do." Thinking it was just an odd manner of dirty talk, I mumbled about liking it. He then farted very loudly. FML
Today, I felt frisky, so I went over to my boyfriend's place, hoping to have some fun. I brought over a movie, and part-way through it, I started feeling him up. He responded by sighing, "That's really fucking annoying, babe. Cut it out, yeah?" FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were getting frisky, and I whispered that I love him. He immediately lost his boner, and a few minutes later "remembered" he had to be somewhere else. FML
Today, things heated up with the new guy I've been seeing for a couple of weeks, he kept saying things like "I want you so bad" and "it's going to take hours" to the point that I was so hot, I decided to go for it. Apparently he has "a problem sometimes" getting it up. FML
Today, while trying to rouse my sleeping boyfriend for some morning sex, he came. FML
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Top comments
otecasacid 22
Would it kill you to be a little frisky? I'm sure you do things during sex that aren't always to be considered attractive.
limitedition 25
That's pretty minor compared to what it could have been.
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Comments (118)
otecasacid 22
Would it kill you to be a little frisky? I'm sure you do things during sex that aren't always to be considered attractive.
GolgiTendonOs 18
No kidding. So he did something stupid. We do that. Don't be such a stiff about it.
HiIAmKevin 8
"Stiff" That is all.
flaca273 7
That's assuming they've had sex
londoner86 13
right #36 ...when I read this FML I presumed OP must be pretty young.... Any woman who hasn't heard her man make hundreds of jokes about his man parts hasn't been around too long
Hiimhaileypotter 53
I would laugh hysterically and then move on. That's funny to me, not a turn-off.
rajput 17
agreed
limitedition 25
That's pretty minor compared to what it could have been.
timelessone 16
Compared to some of the other FML's this isn't so bad.
truesarrif 33
careful... if you don't agree with the moderators that this post is a real FML scenario they will delete your comment .. true story
zandalee 20
He had a raging hard on and you were no longer in the mood? Girl, what's wrong with you?
londoner86 13
the only thing 'minor' here is OP, I'm guessing
DarksideDoll 31
If you can't laugh & have a bit of fun in the bedroom, you're gonna have a bad time.
asdfjkl123456 13
Well.. Why weren't you?
MetallicaFTW 16
Your profile pic goes so well with this FML.
jc10x 8
I do not understand why she wasnt in the mood
michaelaranda 28
What does "it has risen" mean? Why did it kill your mood
Welshite 40
He was trying to bake some bread.
FlyingPie 17
One thought I had is that perhaps she got offended for its similarity to the phrase "He is risen!" during Easter..
stevothedevo 25
Your 18 and you don't know basic common sense..
shyeahh_fml 19
Christian lingo is definitely NOT common sense. Not everyone is Christian. There are numerous religions in the world that others participate in, and still others are atheist. Don't assume that your religion is common sense; I find that extremely offensive. But then again, what does a baby eating, devil worshiping atheist know?
Cartera 10
70 - And you don't know proper English.
NagainaFier 16
#74 Woah there, buddy! Easy, big fella! I find you extremely offensive. Seriously; no need to run around slamming people's religions (or lack there of). Their choice, not yours, and don't get bent out shape when ever they make a statement like that; so long as they aren't shoving it down your throat and bellowing that you're wrong, who cares if they think their religious teachings are 'common sense'? (Unless this was a failed reference to another FML? I haven't been on for a little bit, and am very much behind)
stevothedevo 25
86 - please, teach me the ways of the Cartera panda? I was in no way preaching my religious beliefs. 'It has risen' was clearly a statement about his erection. That is what I meant by common sense. My apologies if I offended anyone.
bamagrl410 31
I've posed this question before, and I still haven't found an answer - why do atheists feel the need to tell you that they're an atheist right away? I'm fine with everyone having their own beliefs, but you don't have to let everyone know your beliefs just to make a point. If anything, I feel like that's just as bad as shoving it down someone's throat by pointing out that you're an atheist and then getting into a heated rant.
isallwaysme 27
Normally, I don't care if people are religious, but when you're like 74, then I cannot tolerate it. And 74, when was religion brought up before you mentioned it? Don't be such a Bible pusher. This is FML, were here to have a good time and make fun of people. If you can't take it, then leave. Rant over.
Stefanie88 24
That's not that bad... were you not really that much in the mood to begin with?
TheNewGuy03 29
Maybe she expected a softie. Anyway, the boyfriend is pretty awesome in my opinion.
TiffGreen 11
That's exactly what I was thinking. maybe that was just an excuse to get out of it
MoeT8979 8
Your dude is definitely lame
timelessone 16
What would you have said?
HaneenDixon 16
You don't necessarily have to say something. Just proceed!
MoeT8979 8
Spit on it
twitch851 9
Dude way to make an ass out of yourself.
MoeT8979 8
Don't hate bcz you don't know nothin about it ya lil virgin
MoeT8979 8
Your profile talks a out rape and I'm the ass? At least I'm talkin about somethin consensual, like with you and your mother
EvilUndead 9
Look, some people can have sex while laughing. Why don't you lighten up a bit and try again?
lilhellian 27
From a depressing thread to telling people to lighten up. 0.0 Seems legit.
amDes 11
Personally I like to make jokes during sex. And a couple of times during sex while Family Guy was on in the background I have had laughing fits and my boyfriend just keeps going :)
Tika876 18
Didn't you want it to rise?
TheElBurrrito 21
Nope! That's not how things with around here.
TheElBurrrito 21
WORK*..... I would expect nothing less of myself! Since I'm apparently illiterate.
NickaPLZ 26
It's funny how the wrong phrase can just instantly ruin intercourse...
Inciter 33
Only if the other person has no sense of humor. If you're horny enough, one goofy sentence won't kill the mood.
abcdog123 16
on the upside, atleast he had the balls to rise to the occasion and try something new! what a boner :(