Today, my 20 year-old daughter started ranting to me about her latest boyfriend's erectile problems. Trying to be a good dad, I told her all I knew about how to get the boy fixed. My wife decided to stick her head in and say, "Listen to your dad, hun. He knows all about this kind of thing." FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I had to console my drunk dad over his girlfriend breaking up with him. When he said, "You know why we broke up don't you?" I replied, "Yeah, you were fighting a lot, right?" Wrong. I then had to explain to him that his erectile dysfunction wasn't something to be embarrassed about. FML
Today, I found out my 20 year-old daughter has a 46 year-old boyfriend. She met him at her job. When I objected, she told me that I can’t tell her “heart” what to do because she’s “grown” and “in love.” I had to teach her how to wash and she still leaves dirty pads on the floor, but sure, she’s “in love.” FML
Today, I sat down with my daughter to have the sex talk, because she recently started seeing a guy. I mentioned at one point how disappointed I would be if she got pregnant. She went wide-eyed and asked, "Didn't mom tell you?" FML
Today, I was a bit upset to learn that my 13 year-old daughter had a boyfriend. When she noticed, she assured me that I shouldn't worry, because "it's just for sex anyway". FML
Today, my successful, attractive daughter gave me the "Daddy I can fix him" speech about her boyfriend. He brings in no money, exclusively wears old ratty T-shirts and sweats, and always stinks of BO and cheap beer. I have failed. FML
Today, my daughter had just left for a date with her boyfriend. All of a sudden, she runs back into the house, screaming, "I forgot to take my birth control!" That is not something a father wants to hear. FML
Today, my daughter had just left for a date with her boyfriend. All of a sudden, she runs back in the house screaming "I forgot to take my birth control!" That is not something a father wants to hear. FML
Today, my daughter gave me the “but daddy I love him” speech when she turned up to a family event with her boyfriend, who was at least 20 years older than her, was visibly intoxicated, stank of body odour and cigarettes, then tried to flirt with my wife. FML
Today, I was shopping at Costco for a romantic evening with my girlfriend, I bought some flowers, dinner, and a super pack of condoms, At the register behind me, I heard somebody say, "Good thing my daughter has a responsible boyfriend." It was my girlfriend's father. FML
Today, my daughter admitted she struggles to keep a boyfriend because as soon as she shares with them her kink of fucking guys with strap-ons and occasionally inserting other items into them, they flee. As a father, this was way more info about my daughter's sex life than I can handle. FML
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Top comments
missyj0 12
Am I the only one that finds it odd to talk to your dad about your boyfriends penis? I mean it's great you have such a tight knit family, but I don't think I'd want my dad knowing about my boyfriend's package.
FatMan23 10
Awkward.
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Comments (134)
FatMan23 10
Awkward.
Damn_Hippster 11
Looks like you came to the right guy to ask for advice!
worldcupcheer17 0
I'm surprised op's dad is actually willing to help her despite the fact that she's sexually active out of wedlock. if that were my dad, he would definitely not help me with that one.
6969awesome 0
That's when you say it works perfectly, it's just because you're ugly it won't get up
DrewsFML 8
IDK, it's nice for her dad to rise to the occasion and poke holes in the dad stereotype.
ripgeorgecarl1n 7
Who talks to their dad about this kinda shit?
Laners561769 9
Viva... Viva.... VIAGRA!
ifknh8usernames 7
14- op IS the dude...
rawrkittyrawr 6
Are you the same guy that caught his wife putting penis pills in his coffee?
EvilPotato 15
Did you read the FML wrong or something?
MizzErikaHart 8
Op, you think what your wife said is an fml for you? The fact that your fast ass daughter feels comfortable enough to talk about her latest boyfriends bedrooms issues with u makes me think your whole household is off balance.
MizzErikaHart 8
How come you guys always delete my comments? Is it cuz ur haters???
worldcupcheer17 0
51- oops, didn't catch that until now..
TimeDisposalEngi 14
14 - I know where your picture is from :)
Late_night83 25
Suck
BBGxBlondie 6
****
TrollololSlayer 3
Luck
MichellinMan 20
Duck
flockz 20
poetry, yuck.
zachherbert 10
Tummy tuck
salva13 3
haha!
car_ram_rod 3
Snaps for TheIsland.
MichellinMan 20
77-penis-The male genital organ of higher vertebrates, carrying the duct for the transfer of sperm during copulation. In humans and most other mammals, it consists largely of erectile tissue and serves also for the elimination of urine.
judices 0
Mommy knows best :)
trav747 0
Don't u mean daddy knows best
EvilPotato 15
63 don't 'u' mean you.
J0gby 0
he obviously does know all about it considering he's giving advice about it.
Playful1985 9
Wow boundaries much? Your wife and daughter seriously need to learn some!
imustbeinsane 2
64 Don't you mean "?" instead of "."?
Awahso 25
Just means you are wise ;)
shinshoku13 19
Your doggy is so cute :3
domking1315 20
Burned
Fruit_Dealer 9
You probably thought that dick was alive? Nope, just Chuck Testa.
hunterhound 0
Um weird........sooooo
missyj0 12
Am I the only one that finds it odd to talk to your dad about your boyfriends penis? I mean it's great you have such a tight knit family, but I don't think I'd want my dad knowing about my boyfriend's package.
Btreasure 8
No your not. The first thing through my head when I saw this was damnnnnnnnn theyre close.
BBGxBlondie 6
Am I the only one who finds it weird that a 14 year old girl posts a picture looking down her shirt. Come on.
Shrike 24
I find it disturbing you choose a 14 yo's picture to look at and imagine weird perv stuff in rather than pointing out the fact most of her comments are pure tard bait
lifesuxalways12 0
Nope ur note the only 1..... If he was a doc it would not b weird
CADMAN82 1
Even if he was a doctor it's still kinda weird.
missyj0 12
24: The picture was actually mostly my face but FML cropped the picture. I'm not on FML to show the world my non existent ****, but thanks for pointing that out to everyone. I see you really know how to choose between what's an appropriate comment and what isn't. Good day.
missyj0 12
@56: I don't have a boyfriend, I wasn't speaking literally. I was making a general statement that if I were to have a boyfriend, and I did become sexually active (which will not be happening until I'm older, 16 and Pregnant isn't exactly something I strive for), I wouldn't exactly feel comfortable discussing it with my dad, especially talking specifically about my boyfriends package, because that's private matters. Jesus, it seems to be everyone is on a roll today picking at me because of my age. Anyways, just thought I'd clear that up.
KiddNYC1O 22
Submit to the consequences.
rayzer_fml 0
Eh it doesn't matter that ur only 14,I bet there are kids 10 and under who actually post some of the stuff we read! XD And yeah I wouldn't wanna go to a parent talking about a "partners" sexual problems that's for sure.
blondie1208 17
you guys must be a really close family.
50Baht 3
Do think it's weird or would you do the same to your parents?
SugaryTears 0
awhh shit-sicles
mistersheezy 7
Burn!!!!!! Next time don't talk to your daughter about how to get her boyfriend hard!! That's not right!!!