Today, I was spending Saint Patrick's Day with my girlfriend, when she started pinching me for not wearing green. To my complete shock, when she pinched my nipple, I got the biggest, most noticeable erection I've ever had in my life, and no matter what I did, it wouldn't go away. We were in public. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, while getting a lump in my private region examined by a very cute nurse, I got a massive erection. The smartest thing I could think to say at the time to her was: "I haven't been touched there in a very long time." FML
Today, while getting a lump in my private region examined by a very cute nurse, I got a massive erection. The smartest thing I could think to say at the time to her was: "I haven't been touched there in a very long time." FML
Today, as I was about to meet my girlfriend's parents, she thought it would be funny to grab my junk and give me a hard-on right before they walked in. I couldn't hide it quickly enough. FML
Today, I was making out with my girlfriend, and after a while, she moved her hand down to my crotch. She felt my erection, then got up and yelled at me, calling me a horny pig for "assuming we were going to have sex." FML
Today, I was making out with my girlfriend, and things started getting pretty hot. That is, until I tried to remove her shirt. Somehow, I managed to grab her pajama shorts and give her a violent wedgie. FML
Today, things got pretty steamy between my boyfriend and me. We started doing stuff that neither of us had tried before. Then, he straddled me with a raging erection and boomed, "IT HAS RISEN!" He didn't understand why I was suddenly no longer in the mood. FML
Today, while laying in bed with my girlfriend, I felt her grab my manhood through a layer of blankets. I got a bit stiff, just in time for her to clench tight, and pull violently. She didn't know "it" was in her hand, as she was trying to cover herself with the blanket. My manhood is now red and swollen. FML
Today, I was feeling up my girlfriend's chest. I was getting into it until she said, "What are you doing?" I said I was rubbing her nipple. She replies, "That's not my nipple, its a pimple." FML
Today, I got an inconvenient erection while at my girlfriends house, so I tried to think of something stupid to get rid of it. I tried thinking of Pokémon, which actually made me harder. FML
Today, I woke up with a huge boner. My girlfriend saw it, rolled her eyes and said, "Not a chance." FML
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Top comments
holymolybro 0
"Sweety...can we..um..go in this alley for a sec.."
chlorinegreen 27
tell her to stand in front of you?
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Comments (318)
RickFreckle 0
Giggity!
creedaddict 9
persianjr1 7
Lalala1996 0
Wow... that surprisingly made me horny.
Timmeyh87 0
Thats cuz u love boners.
Lalala1996 0
You're probably right.
Timmeyh87 0
Yeah, I somehow picked up on it.
BWill9014 4
Lolwut
Scalabrine44 0
My dear woman, I will be happy to service those needs. I'm 13, like em young? ;)
Timmeyh87 0
Sir, I'll bet your son's allowance that you're not a day under 35.
MattPDX 2
100 speaks the truth.
kykyshay 0
ho
jess6blondie9 3
143, First of all, if you're going to insult someone, spell it right. It's hoe. Second of all, just because she gets horny, doesn't make her a hoe.
Lalala1996 0
Lol guys it was a joke. And I am under 18, so obviously, I'm under 35.
Timmeyh87 0
My comment was to 92 for being creepy. Ure welcome btw ;d
Timmeyh87 0
Kite Ho?
kykyshay 0
1st of all 152, i don't care. 2nd, yes I agree. getting horny doesn't make you a hoE(happy?) but putting it on the internet where everyone can read it does.
Timmeyh87 0
U mean like when u post a picture of yourself wearing that makeup?
kykyshay 0
okay, I wear mascara. big whoop! does that make me a ****? not really b cuz there are way more other people that wear make up on there profile pics
kykyshay 0
Thank you. And a for you Jessie, suck on THAT!
Timmeyh87 0
Nah, I just wanted some emotions. Thanks.
kykyshay 0
( I was referring to 169)
MissBunny25 0
oh my god kykyshay. I'm saying this to make you look less stupid. (if that's even a possibility after all you've said) STFU. NOW.
kykyshay 0
okay, maybe I spell things wrong here and there, or say dumb things, but don't we all? you don't have to act like such a BITCH. if your annoyed, don't read my comments.
MissBunny25 0
195 I could say the same thing to you, considering you called me a moron on a different thread. if you don't like what we say, don't reply, or get over it. we all get hated on. it's a part of life, dear. if you can't take the heat, stay out of the kitchen.
kykyshay 0
I never said I don't like what you say, I'm just calling you a stupid ass.
maa_rico 4
More like stay inside the kitchen.
ChinaBabylove69 0
lol
underpaid011 0
at least you know what sort of kinky shit you are into! get a set of nipple clamps and turn this FML into a MLIA!!
I_iz_B_a_troll 24
Shoulda worn green! I don't see the problem though. I wouldn't mind too much if I was out with a pretty girl and that happened, as long as she wasn't freaked out.(; Then again I've never been and may never be out with a pretty girl, so I can't really judge.(: now she just knows a new way to turn you on!
Angio113 10
I love your comments. Why no pretty girls? you're adorable. :) You'll find someone amazing soon.
heathersmorin 0
awwww poor you!!! we need to find you a pretty girl to tweek your nipples?? ANYONE......? ANYONE.....? BUELLER?
cheeksMcgeeks 3
FML. The new eHarmony. Connecting users one troll at a time.
andreabeth95 2
^WIN^
testthecoal 5
jag Alskar dig!
I_iz_B_a_troll 24
Y'all'z good people.(: Haha and it's my fault anyway, I just gotta stop being shy or get over itt.(: 74 speak English dude! I love ya too.(; Thanks 39.(: 41, 44, and 52, lol nice.(:
bitheway 2
The reason he did mind is b cuase it wasn't big enuf 2 show up in his pantz
willishall172 0
hi there! I like ur comment!
willishall172 0
ya I agree with 39 why no girls?
HollyDolly660 8
Why won't there be pretty girls?? You're soooo cute and you have the prettiest brown eyes. I'd date you.
sandyyBabi 0
you'll get your chance (:
sandyyBabi 0
haha aaawwww
sandyyBabi 0
look, just be yourself even if that means being shy (: shy guys are cute so just lay back and let thingss fall into place dude (:
Likki 1
Winning
ihatedumbasses 6
wow really.......
MattPDX 2
duh...
slamacow_what 1
ROFL SOUNDS LIKE MY STEP BROTHER!!
Capt_Oblivious 10
You pinch your step brother's nipples?
llamagangster 0
Maybe he just likes watching little boys get excited.
Capt_Oblivious 10
Oh, I get it now, he gets his step brother excited by pinching his nipples. Now it all makes sense.
llamagangster 0
Indeed.
docscientist 10
I don't think there's a pot of gold at the end of this story.
kykyshay 0
Your stupid.
olivia_r 0
How is getting an boner make the person in any way shape or form? It's natural.
olivia_r 0
make the person stupid* a boner* shit, not my day haha
kykyshay 0
his gf is stupid
sassypants93 17
How is his girlfriend stupid? Oh and make sure you can spell before calling someone stupid. It's *you're not your.
jess6blondie9 3
I think I speak for everyone. SHUT THE HELL UP KYKYSHAY! God damn woman. You don't understand how idiotic that you're making yourself look right now.
vsx2000goton 0
Please refrain from feeding the trolls. Thankies :3
kykyshay 0
well sorry of I comment on here where thousands of other people comment. and so what I spell some things wrong? you don't know how old I am.
kykyshay 0
oops, u meant to put if, not of.
MissBunny25 0
actually we do know how old you are. you put your birthday on your profile.
kykyshay 0
you look older then me. why the **** are you arguing with a kid?
vsx2000goton 0
Because she finds your comments to be repulsive and uneducated in the least, like the rest of us 202.
MissBunny25 0
I'm not. I was pointing it out. I'm actually through arguing. I've learned not to hold grudges. let me give you some hints about FML so you won't get eaten alive on here. 1.) sirin is the best mod in the entire world. never diss sirin or I might have to scream at you. 2.) people will eat you alive if you spell things wrong or have bad grammar. that's just the way it is. 3.) people make sarcastic comments all the time. NEVER take them personally. 4.) FML is like anything else in life. it can be great, but when you make yourself look stupid people will notice. 5.) sarcasm is the main language on this site. learn it , live it , love it.
jess6blondie9 3
Why are you using that language if you're a kid, 202? Take MissBunny's advice, you need it.
kykyshay 0
I'm through too as long as you guys are done caping on me.
MissBunny25 0
we're done. truce? no more trolling on each other's comments saying shit. that's a promise from me. (unless I forget who you are lol)
kykyshay 0
truce lol :-)
kykyshay 0
okay, but number 205 is still an ass. :-)
MissBunny25 0
hahaha. there are always going to be asses everywhere xD I'll try to defend you when people give you shit.
kykyshay 0
aw thanx. but I think you have to much to handle... :-(
MissBunny25 0
235 nah I've made friends with a good bit of people on here.. just try to not comment back to any of the mean posts.
mghockey97 0
well u didnt viagea so thats good
cheeksMcgeeks 3
Thank god... Can you imagine what would have happened if he viagea'd?
Igor_g5 0
What is Viagea? Did you maybe mean Viagra?
bananahannahjo 0
I don't think that vaigea is a real word...she was just being sarcastic. :) not sure what the op meant....
boopityboppity 11
No, Viagra was once part of Viagea, but Viagea split apart into the seven ED drugs we know today.