Today, I was sitting in my room while my mom was talking to my uncle. I had my door open. She said, "Yeah my son doesn't know I have his phone password. Girls nowadays are real sluts." FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I realized all of my boyfriend's and my dirty messages were being sent to my mom because I'd logged into messenger on her phone once without logging out. She sat me down and said, "I know your mouth's been on his wee wee." FML
Today, I was listening to music while my grandma and mom were in the same room. I only had one headphone in. My mom, thinking I had both in, started telling my grandma how much of a "little bitch" I am. My grandma went on to say, "She's also a slut." FML
Today, I skipped school and stayed home without telling my parents. My mom came home on her lunch break with another man, and had sex in our living room. I'm stuck in my room, listening to my mom cheat on my dad. FML
Today, I'm staying with my grandmother and overheard her having phone sex. FML
Today, I came home to find that my room had been ransacked. My mom comes out of nowhere and says that we need to have a talk. I freaked out thinking it was all the empty alcohol bottles under my bed. My mom holds up the birth control and says, "I always knew you were a whore." FML
Today, my mom came into my room to yell at me because she thought she heard me having sex, saying I'm too young for it. I'm 23 and I wasn't having sex. The noises were from my dad watching porn in the next room. FML
Today, my mom called me a slut after she found out I sleep naked. This is how desperate she is for any excuse to yell at me. FML
Today, I was sending some dirty texts to my boyfriend, when I heard a knocking sound coming through the wall. I sat there for ten minutes before I realized I was listening to my mom and her boyfriend having sex. FML
Today, while I was having sex with my girlfriend, I heard a notification on my iPhone. I thought nothing of it until we were done, and then I checked it out. My mom had posted on my Facebook, telling me that if I didn't keep it down, she was going to come up to my room. FML
Today, I was recording a video on Snapchat to send to one of my friends, while unaware that my father had walked in behind me. I was talking about how I can’t watch porn anymore because my phone is broken. He now knows too much. FML
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Top comments
JTthePurpleNinja 5
They're just jealous because you're getting some! :)
Epic_Fail911 15
your mom needs a boyfriend
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Comments (163)
staypon 0
Tell one of those girls to text you saying their pregnant. That'll give your mom something to talk about, lol!
staypon 0
They're
ikickgingers 15
There = over *points* there Their = possession, not the head spinning projectile vomiting kind. They're = they are They're over there looking for their *insert object*. I had a crazy tutor jump on a desk and start singing "over there"... It stuck. He was effing insane.
ikickgingers 15
I went to edit ^^ cause I'm sick and rambling. Alas, I could not....
brrarm 17
To 11 - awesome idea! Way for OP to take revenge :)
stewpididiot 11
Awesome idea !! A campaign of outlandish disinformation is clearly called for here .
stacianichole 2
54 wins Grammar Wars.
osiris39p 3
or have multiple girls text him that
ikickgingers 15
Me heart ^^^
slimjadee8080 0
who really cares about the grammar. seriously it's a funny comment let 'em be.
rallets 23
do you get paid to do it?
Rei_Ayanami 18
Run! Escape before you get "The Talk"! It may already be too late, but you've got to try! On a more serious note: Make your passwords more creative or something. For example; you could make it something absurd like "manure" or "lollipops" it's better than your password anyways. What was your pass anyways, "password"?
DreBeezy 9
Probably something she'd definitely know, like his or her birthday. Gotta be more creative than that op!
pegasus187 9
Nosy bitch
DocBastard 40
I read this and initially thought OP's mother was calling him a slutty girl. Then I reread it and came to the same conclusion.
Rei_Ayanami 18
Did you perform any operations on their "son", Doc? Any... Alterations?
alexm501 0
Haha! That's funny.
HoboSmeller 6
tell your mom not to hate the player but to hate the game. not your fault your a pimp.
here4theparty 4
The pimp parts not always true, alot of dudes will settle for any "down" chick if that means they get some. In turn it makes the guy look like a man *****, not a pimp. "Hitting it" with lots of ugly chicks = desperate dude.
happychicka 0
Haha RNS!! ;)
Gargoyle123 2
Do it on her bed with one of those *****, as pay back for snooping.
kandiman 5
So, New plan: Step one: Call one of your friends that is a girl and one that is a guy. Step Two: Have the guy confess his feelings for you through text as you do the exact same back to him. Step Three: Have the girl text you stating she is pregnant with twins and she has had sex with no one else and that she is reminding you that the only time you two did it was on your moms bed. Step Four: Sit back and relax as if nothing happened even when your mom confronts you about it :D Then when she brings it up, bring up the whole invasion of privacy argument and that you may or may not be gay and then kiss her on the cheek tell her you love her out of no where in the middle of the argument. And see the reaction :)
landooooo 5
I worship you for this.
QueenSaru 28
Haha, this is an awesome plan. She'll see how quickly snooping backfires on her when she finds out 'information' she didn't want to know.
wonderfullyodd 2
Payback XD that plan is genius
laurenlynn99 0
O_O this is brilliant!
Scands_59 14
It is brilliant! #24 is my hero :D
CsHx 16
At least you know that your password needs to be updated now. :)
25shark 5
This is like my worst nightmare
Mekeritrig 15
And we're all grateful for all those slutty girls.