Today, I came home from work to my three year-old daughter sniffing the rug in the living room. When I asked her what she was doing she said, "Daddy, smell this." So I went, got on my knees and bent down to smell it? Then she pushed my face into the dog crap smeared in the rug. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my daughter went potty. Just as she always does, she came up to me and announced, "I flushed, and wiped, and shut the light off." Then she did something brand new. She covered my face with her hand and asked, "Do these fingers smell?" They did. FML
Today, I came home after working overtime to find my dog whining and giving me her "I need to take a shit" face. After changing my shoes, I came back ready to let her out, only to find her giving me the "I just took a shit on your rug" face. My husband has been home all day. FML
Today, when I came home, my daughter's baby-sitter was busy smelling my thongs. FML
Today, I woke up to my 2-year-old daughter hitting me in the face. She had just pooped her nappy and put her hands down her pants to "feel it squish around." FML
Today, I went to check on my 2 year-old daughter in her playroom, since she was being awfully quiet. I walk in to see her finger painting with her own feces on her kiddie table. FML
Today, I walked in on my son's new habit. Sticking his finger up his ass, farting on it, and smelling it. Apparently, the scent is the purest then. FML
Today, I was taking a nap with my 5 month-old on the (carpeted) floor in the living room. When I woke up, my daughter had bombed her diaper, and her and the dogs were rolling in it on the carpet and tiled kitchen. FML
Today, my daughter and husband surprised me at work. A whole bunch of my co-workers were standing around me when she ran up and hugged me. Her face is level with my crotch. She immediately jumped back from the hug and said, "Ewwww, smells like fish." FML
Today, I kept getting out of bed because I was sure my daughter had pooped in her diaper. Every time, I found nothing. I finally figured out the foul smell was my husband's breath, when he leaned into kiss me goodnight. FML
Today, I was washing dishes while my 2-year-old was napping… or so I thought. When I finished and went to check on her, I found she'd taken off her diaper and smeared poop all over the carpet. She must have been up a while because it was everywhere. I spent the next hour scrubbing. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
Anbuntou 8
Children. Aren't they just precious...
slick5880 22
Shit happens. :)
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (158)
ColCyclone 17
That's a shitty situation
MyEpicDemise 7
The "Most Original Comment" award goes to...
ColCyclone 17
You're just butthurt you didn't get first.
enonymous 9
I'm more butthurt you find that joke amusing.
ColCyclone 17
Oh well. Maybe my comment stinks, but my hopes haven't gone down the toilet..
ryukk_fml 3
that shit stinks.
iNomBaconz 0
Know what else stinks? When all your teeth fall out do to the lack of brushing.. Take the hint.
ZealIFeel 7
Dr.Tim Whatley in da house.
joee182 3
lmfaoxD
HarveyMalone 0
#33 - That's harsh. Very harsh. Not cool.
ATSViper 15
LOL
kcircuses2 4
2-did your face catch on fire and the someone try to put it out with a crowbar?
kcircuses2 4
then* dammit
rawrkittyrawr 6
That's a sh- NO I remember what happened last time!!!!
zombicidal 11
her teeth really aren't that bad its just a bit of a bad angle and what do you care how her teeth look way to be dick
ohxdamnxkay02 12
#33. YOU! must be hinting that all of your teeth have fallen out..now that shit really stinks (:
Keyman1212 14
Your pun stinks.
ImFrackinBored 13
Your daughter will grow up to be awesome.
Anbuntou 8
Children. Aren't they just precious...
xlord 27
OP's daughter reminds me of Stewie from family guy
DoubleDose 0
Stepwise just said that!
SCREAM4meeee 0
Damn, that kid's crafty
Jdimp 1
beat her ass
DoubleDose 0
D-D-D-Dog poo sniffer
DoubleDose 0
Ops my autocorrect changed stewie to stepwise... The joys of an iPhone. I'm going to have to beat Siri again
margie2194 12
Just got trolled by a 3 year old. Be ashamed. Be very ashamed.
eurostar710 11
This is one of the few FMLs that made me laugh out loud. I burst out laughing. FYL OP. sorry.
The_Real_Peter 1
Whats family guy?
Carbonation 0
How exactly did she pull that off? You would to have seen the poo... Guess we all have bad days? Nah, you deserved it! ^_^
ShyAnn29 15
Unless it's a dark brown rug!
ohSNAPyall 27
Unless you are blind, YDI!
Phololololo 8
She's pure genius, that's why she managed to pull it off
staceystobb 0
That sux he does not deserve it poor guy why do u guys have to be so mean
gamefreakpog 5
Aw shit!
CookieMonstr19 0
Ahhhh I see what u did there!!! ;)
ellybelly_502 4
That stinks!!
yepadoodles 3
your pun stinks
mynewaccount 8
ha.
slick5880 22
Shit happens. :)
steelers112 3
Wonder what goes on in your household for her to figure out how to make that happen...
abluekiwi 0
Wife and daughter collaborating... Or good ole' cartoons putting it in her head. Either way, job well done. =)
HideouslyHuman 10
That doesn't happen in cartoons..Just sayin'
HideouslyHuman 10
That doesn't happen in cartoons..Just sayin'
yadudej 0
hahaha she is a devious one, imagine her at age 16...oh fyl for sure...fyl haha