Today, I was jogging around the neighborhood when I went past a bar. There were lots of drunk men outside telling me to come over so they could give me the night of my life. One of those men was my grandpa. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I joined my grandpa on his morning jog. I didn't last 15 minutes before nearly passing out from exhaustion. He came jogging back home nearly an hour later looking even better than he did when we left. FML
Today, I worked overtime with three guys who never shut up about partying and getting laid. When I finally escaped the testosterone and got home, the first thing I heard was my grandpa telling my dad all about how he once fisted a girl to orgasm. FML
Today, I found out that the crazy old man that sleep walks naked around my neighborhood every night is my grandpa. And he's not sleepwalking. FML
Today, my grandma said, "I know you don't have any plans tonight. Do you want to go to bingo with me?" I said sure out of pity, and ended up being her designated driver after she got wasted later in the evening. FML
Today, at a family reunion, my visibly drunk grandparents heard about my new boyfriend, who is a cop. My gran asked if he ever made me feel like Rodney King in the bedroom. Then my grandpa, fresh off a DUI, asked if my boyfriend's dick is as bent as the police force. FML
Today, I went to the gym with my grandma. In the span of an hour, she was hit on more than I ever have been in my life. FML
Today, my drunk grandma flashed me, after confusing me, a 19 year-old girl, for my grandpa. FML
Today, a drunk man started yelling at the lamppost outside my house, demanding to be let inside, all while my neighbors watched. That man is my dad. FML
Today, my grandpa told us he wanted to fit in. His idea of fitting in is streaking in a park at 4:00 pm. FML
Today, during a family reunion, my 89 year-old grandma stood up and drunkenly made a speech about how ashamed I should be of myself for still being single. She then passed out at the table. Half my family got up to help her, the other half whispered in agreement. FML
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Top comments
ilyuhms 0
my grandpa only watches tv and farts
Nolnah 14
Well, did you go over? What a dumb question of course you did. :p
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Comments (106)
ilyuhms 0
my grandpa only watches tv and farts
dri_dri_fml 18
Ha your grandpa sounds funny,hmm where all the drunk guys old? Poor OP :p
evaki1 12
Milai kanis elinika?
baconstrips 12
(Cleveland voice) that's nasty
youngbuck10 9
Were*. Sorry, someone had to :)
GameOver008 1
Next time, try jogging in a park
marinus_fml 20
^^ or try jogging earlier than sunset.
ohSNAPyall 27
1 that's what OP thought...
Falalala243 0
Guess those guys were think GDILF? (Granddaughter i'd like to..)
omgcookeys 15
My grandpa poops and sleeps.
MaddySwaggedUp 0
LMFAO. Best comment
nicoleclark 0
Ewww that's so gross! Fyl indeed Op!!! :(
andrewboygenius 4
Haha that's pretty awkward!
OMGIFOUNDWALDO 6
I know right! I mean jogging :/ what kind of people do THAT!
andrewboygenius 4
Hmm I was thinking the awkward part was the grandpa telling the grand daughter he'll give her the night of her life. But I guess that's normal in your family.
OMGIFOUNDWALDO 6
I think you misunderstood that I was being ironical because your comment was so lame obvious... Though people on FML are eager to thumb down anything cynical, ironical or sarcastic, everything as obvious as "oh yeah I agree your life sucks" is generally accepted. And my grandpa says he likes you.
StoryOfTheYear 15
I didn't find it lame.... ._.
OMGIFOUNDWALDO 6
lame obvious... siigh looks like you guys like it, I'll go with the flow; FYL op! hope it isn't going to be too awkward at xmas!!! ;$ (feel free to thumb down, it'll make you feel better)
builditbetter09 3
I thumbed you down since you offered.
KyuuketsukiApple 30
34- We don't automatically thumb down irony or sarcasm - just look at some of the regulars. We thumb down comments that aren't funny when they so obviously try to be.
boofgall 16
I got your comment, Waldo. I agree, the comment of theirs was lame obvious. People are slow here. They'll catch up one day. OH NO THUMBS DOWN.
JennyMarie17 3
Awkward.
boofgall 16
.
boofgall 16
Grandpa keeps it in the family!
evaki1 12
So you are saying that your grandpa doesn't deserve a time of his life??
tiffanyamberlee 0
Lol
TKmax 5
How did that comment make you laugh.
77777771 12
It was funny?
77777771 12
It was funny?
TKmax 5
Unlike yours I guess.
danny128 4
That's sick, it's incest!
Jdeluxh 12
Someone doesn't understand the concept of humor.
danny128 4
No, not when it happened to my sister u bastard
lambda_fml 40
But that doesnt mean he should have "fun" with his own grand daughter, its just messed up.
supimnyancat 9
I'm sorry but someone had to say it, I'll save you all the trouble. WINCEST!!!
CryMoreFMLs 15
Nobody INTELLIGENT wanted to say it.
me_gusta_eso 1
Stop. Just stop.
ilikeapplejuice 7
Why do people say "wincest " in the first place? I don't get how incest can ever be a win
me_gusta_eso 1
It is to rednecks.
Nolnah 14
Well, did you go over? What a dumb question of course you did. :p
SpeshulK 0
And she received the night of her life
clumsylittleme 11
Of course she went over. Everyone wants to get banged by there grandpa :P
bbiiaattcchh13 1
I was going to ask the same question
eva42_fml 0
Haha rite lol
drealmorales 2
The older the drunker
TKmax 5
Of all the comments you have ever posted. Is this your best.
drealmorales 2
67- that's what she said.
ladiesman219 4
Atleast it wasnt your father!!!
ambamm135 7
Because it being her grandpa is soooooo much better -_-
ElemenoBee 0
there's a bar in your neighborhood?.. jealous.
jazzy_123 20
There's none in yours???
FollowMe 2
Lol I used to live 1 min from a bar, walking. Now I moved I like 5-10 min from a better bar, walking. BE JELLY! xD
CanWeMicrowaveIt 11
But..... I want to be Peanut Butter:(
upyourzlolz 11
I'm allergic.