Today, I was jogging around the neighborhood when I went past a bar. There were lots of drunk men outside telling me to come over so they could give me the night of my life. One of those men was my grandpa. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I joined my grandpa on his morning jog. I didn't last 15 minutes before nearly passing out from exhaustion. He came jogging back home nearly an hour later looking even better than he did when we left. FML
Today, I worked overtime with three guys who never shut up about partying and getting laid. When I finally escaped the testosterone and got home, the first thing I heard was my grandpa telling my dad all about how he once fisted a girl to orgasm. FML
Today, I found out that the crazy old man that sleep walks naked around my neighborhood every night is my grandpa. And he's not sleepwalking. FML
Today, my grandma said, "I know you don't have any plans tonight. Do you want to go to bingo with me?" I said sure out of pity, and ended up being her designated driver after she got wasted later in the evening. FML
Today, at a family reunion, my visibly drunk grandparents heard about my new boyfriend, who is a cop. My gran asked if he ever made me feel like Rodney King in the bedroom. Then my grandpa, fresh off a DUI, asked if my boyfriend's dick is as bent as the police force. FML
Today, I went to the gym with my grandma. In the span of an hour, she was hit on more than I ever have been in my life. FML
Today, my drunk grandma flashed me, after confusing me, a 19 year-old girl, for my grandpa. FML
Today, a drunk man started yelling at the lamppost outside my house, demanding to be let inside, all while my neighbors watched. That man is my dad. FML
Today, my grandpa told us he wanted to fit in. His idea of fitting in is streaking in a park at 4:00 pm. FML
Today, during a family reunion, my 89 year-old grandma stood up and drunkenly made a speech about how ashamed I should be of myself for still being single. She then passed out at the table. Half my family got up to help her, the other half whispered in agreement. FML
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Top comments
ilyuhms 0
my grandpa only watches tv and farts
Nolnah 14
Well, did you go over? What a dumb question of course you did. :p
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Comments (106)
sydie5 12
Family reunions will be pretty awkward.
sheethapins 13
Don't worry op, they're old. What they mean by giving you the night of your life is playing kick the can (whoever's hip breaks last wins so your chances are good), looking at slide shows, and going to "the picture show" for a nap.
ohmyhotdogonabun 0
Omg this comment just made my day
justcallmebro 0
Well he is experienced if he's a grandpa.
StoryOfTheYear 15
Retirement home charter bus took a wrong turn?
csosa187 1
YDI for being so attractive to drunk old men.
THE_A_TEEN 28
Umm, they are drunk, chances are they are seeing what the alcohol is letting them see, not the real her. For an experiment, drink heavily one of these days and look at a picture of perdix (before you drink and after you drink). You'll see the difference.
csosa187 1
I know they are drunk, hence '...to DRUNK old men'. Not implying she is unattractive to sober men.
NPN_Scorpio 16
...especially if you drink Famous Grouse.
thebadmanpuntedb 7
Sorry to burst your bubble but I'm pretty sure anybody would look attractive to drunk old men.
tittymagic 0
Troll.
youngbuck10 9
I would definitely bring this up over Thanksgiving dinner and embarrass your grandpa back real good.
awksome 0
are you hot? if not, it's a compliment like you never had and you should totally do it!! you'll get laid by a bunch of experienced guys what else do you want? ;) if you are hot you should try to hit on your grandmother, see if you'll get a threesome! did i just say that? Yes i did
GVirdi 11
U wud do that Desperate little noob
Zoranius 6
You're a sick person... You disgust me
flockz 20
he has more experience than you, your dog, and your hands. combined.
FYLDeep 26
If that bothers you, then why did you post an FML? It's basically the same crowd over here...
heresIsaac 4
get some