Today, I was jogging around the neighborhood when I went past a bar. There were lots of drunk men outside telling me to come over so they could give me the night of my life. One of those men was my grandpa. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I joined my grandpa on his morning jog. I didn't last 15 minutes before nearly passing out from exhaustion. He came jogging back home nearly an hour later looking even better than he did when we left. FML
Today, I worked overtime with three guys who never shut up about partying and getting laid. When I finally escaped the testosterone and got home, the first thing I heard was my grandpa telling my dad all about how he once fisted a girl to orgasm. FML
Today, I found out that the crazy old man that sleep walks naked around my neighborhood every night is my grandpa. And he's not sleepwalking. FML
Today, my grandma said, "I know you don't have any plans tonight. Do you want to go to bingo with me?" I said sure out of pity, and ended up being her designated driver after she got wasted later in the evening. FML
Today, at a family reunion, my visibly drunk grandparents heard about my new boyfriend, who is a cop. My gran asked if he ever made me feel like Rodney King in the bedroom. Then my grandpa, fresh off a DUI, asked if my boyfriend's dick is as bent as the police force. FML
Today, I went to the gym with my grandma. In the span of an hour, she was hit on more than I ever have been in my life. FML
Today, my drunk grandma flashed me, after confusing me, a 19 year-old girl, for my grandpa. FML
Today, a drunk man started yelling at the lamppost outside my house, demanding to be let inside, all while my neighbors watched. That man is my dad. FML
Today, my grandpa told us he wanted to fit in. His idea of fitting in is streaking in a park at 4:00 pm. FML
Today, during a family reunion, my 89 year-old grandma stood up and drunkenly made a speech about how ashamed I should be of myself for still being single. She then passed out at the table. Half my family got up to help her, the other half whispered in agreement. FML
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Top comments
ilyuhms 0
my grandpa only watches tv and farts
Nolnah 14
Well, did you go over? What a dumb question of course you did. :p
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Comments (106)
djphoenix18 1
Wincest!
dubstepfreak123 0
I would like for a bar to be in my "neighborhood", where do you live????
hateevryone 15
strange, much?
thegumqueen 2
Um that is scary...
Okayitwasme 0
"So Grandpa, do you hang out at that corner often? Or was that a special occasion?" Of course ask when everyone has settled down and passed the wine at dinner.
MCRaddict 0
my grandpa sleeps, eats, yells at the tv while watching football, and will work on sundays
pandabacon243 0
So?
chengy4191 7
You must live in west Virginia
almostalbino 10
Incest!!!!!! D:
maddylovesu 5
GRANDPA!?!